Struggling for a year. Struggling with what it means – “God is husband to the widow”. I am fully aware that He does not interpret things as I do, and His ways are higher than mine, and so on. I know the theology. But what does that mean to me; a girl, lost without her soulmate, a mother who desperately wants to continue to point her children to what is eternal and not temperal, working harder than ever?
One year ago, God spoke to me. “I will be your husband , I will take care of you, this is bigger than you know, believe me”. He has taken care of me, life is hard but it continues to come together. Blessed in the midst of heart ache.
-Grieving does not require anyone to fix me, I am not that kind of broken.
-climbing up on His lap, and holding on, hiding in Him, is my comfort.
-He gives me what I need, a job with amazing people, a free place to take my children to get away. (that is the nicest place i have ever stayed.) Money to live and meet my responsibilities.
-He gives me what thrills my heart. A spectacular sunset, a bird singing, sunshine, warm temperature in the middle of the frozen east coast.
How does all this tie together? He is the lover of my soul. His bride is in pain, her heart breaks over and over. He promises to dry every tear, but first there must be tears to dry. We are promised victory, but first there is a battle.
Today I found a ring, that fits like it was made for me, instant love for this ring. Decided I will wear it, and remember He is my husband, and we are not home yet. This is all part of Kingdom living…
Filed under battles, believe, Blessed, God's plan, healing, hope, Kingdom living, life, loss, ponderisms, presence of God, princess entries, provision, relationship
Next Chapter…New job, new interests, new people…its not as scary as I thought. You know, Letting go and taking life as it comes? Sure I have to work at it, but overall its all good!
Accepting that everything is what it is.
This is not my home.
Don’t know where this life is going, just glad that its moving forward.
Believing that God is placing the ones in my life that are supposed to be in it.
Loving the laughter, conversations, and heart to heart authenticity.
Not sure what tomorrow brings, but today, my heart is happy.
Wow! haven’t been here for a long time….
Not sure where to start, but knowing I need to …
God called my soul mate home, unexpectedly.
God spoke to me minutes before…” this is bigger than you know, I will take care of you, I am your husband”
It didn’t stop the pain from being the worst ever.
It did help me to draw closer to Him.
He did provide through others, some who know me, some who do not.
We are financially making it, month to month, all by the Grace of God.
Several times a day, its as easy as “touch this pain and stop it, get me through this day”
Immediately the pain eases, and daily normal living continues.
I don’t know the war in the heavenlies, but I know its there.
We all feel it through the day…the enemy is ruthless.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Don’t know what our new normal will look like, but we are hopeful that God restores as well as faithful.
My heart is heavy with the word “safe”. I have been hearing it more often, seems we all just want to be safe. We seem to have our reasons for that. Are we tearing down one wall, just to build another?
God is not safe, He’s good. So do we trust Him that He has everything under control, or do we continue to take the safer road? Americans are most guilty of this. Outreach in the community is God’s work. Are we really to tell Him, we choose to use a social services so that we can help people who are safe by our standards? Do we really tell worship leaders how to plan according to what we think is most productive to a heart? Or do we believe that God is still the only one saving a heart?
Worship leaders are praying about what God wants in their services, God still knows best.
My life was filled with abuse, so yes I do know what I am talking about. I just don’t choose to label myself as such. Why? Because God has freed me, my past no longer defines me. Was there some magic, or certain worship, maybe a special book that brought me to this place? NO! It was God, and spending time with Him, asking Him all the tough questions, letting Him walk me through each day, teaching me to make different choices, Loving me through my pain.
I had to learn to forgive, I had no idea how easy it was, that choosing God’s way would be all I needed. The burden lifted the second I choose to truly give it to God, and allow Him to handle things. Submission to Him was nothing like the world had taught me. It was more like laying back in the arms of the one who truly loved me. It was not a bitter hard thing to swallow.
The world labels everything. But they have not been introduced correctly to us. We are God’s children, beloved, free, Kingdom living and not at all elite.
Is following God safe by the worlds standards? No…but we are not of the world. Where is our sense of adventure? desire? it may be caught up in a trust issue…Believe God that He is capable of anything this world may throw at us…HE got this! safe no..good yes
Lets’s not tear down one wall to build another…we just need to believe God and not just believe there is an God.
Filed under Abiding, abused, believe, deliverance, encouragement, faith, freedom, God, heavy heart, hope, Kingdom living, Know HIM, life, overcome, safe place, trust, worship
Ten years ago, God woke me up at 3 in the morning, and spoke to my heart very clearly. He said “my bride is in bondage, she is asleep in it, wake her up, she must get ready. Believe me” I know now that I did not fully understand. I assumed it was about me. Bondage seemed to be my middle name. I believed that the past some how molded me, and destroyed my future. So living was more of doing with what I have.
A few months later, I received a free ticket for a Beth Moore conference “Hearts set free”. I didn’t know who she was, but I like free! and I knew in my heart, my own bondage needed to be resolved so that I could get ready and be wakened up. She came on the stage, the very first words out of her mouth “God’s bride is in bondage, she is asleep and must wake up, she needs to get ready! Oh dear ones, God wants you to believe HIM.” She now had my undivided attention!
Over the years, I have learned to believe Him more, but there is always more to believe Him for. Trust is an issue. Abuse has taken a toll on many hearts, not just mine. Knowing Him, is to believe Him. He is believable! After studying through the Old Testament, God is trustworthy, 100% Truth, focused on his plan, and no one can defer Him. Our actions do not change His thinking or His work.
After we went through some things as a family, I seemed to have forgotten to just simply believe God. I am doing this again. My heart is reaching out to the abused, and asking “please believe Him”. Forgiveness is not a feeling its a choice. Choose it, even if you need to do it several times a day, God is strong enough to make it a heart thing for you, through your obedience to forgive. It doesn’t have to be a one on one with the abuser, it just needs to be between you and God. This will free your heart.
Don’t you want to feel peace again? Or maybe feel peace for the first time? Lay it all at the feet of God, He wants so much more for you than the life you live, HE wants your heart to be free. He wants to take the bad and make it good. He did not create you for the life you had, or chains that wrap your heart. The church can not fix this for you, only God can fix His own creation.
You are beautiful to Him, He rejoices that you are even thinking about Him. Don’t wait…Go to Him now..He’s patiently waiting for you…Believe Him.
Filed under abused, Acceptance, believe, Beth Moore, bondage, forgive, God, heart, heart condition, hope, Kingdom living, Know HIM, life, obedience, overcome, Peace, princess entries
God has a plan, and we just need to surrender to it. God is still God, and His plan is still in motion, with or without our surrender. I think at times we forget this. We are the created, and He is the Creator. Everything moves along His timeline. So many things happen that we just don’t understand. Maybe we are not supposed too.
God asks us to rest in Him, to accept the gifts He has already given to us.
*Adoption into His family
If we (I) truly believed God, these things would flow out and saturate those around us…24/7
This year, I want to believe God more than ever before….
Filed under believe, Blessed, encouragement, forgiveness, gifts, God, God's plan, hope, Joy, Kingdom living, life, Love, mercy, Peace, princess entries, redemption, Security, Surrender, trust
“Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Do you know what it is like to have a week that mentally there is not an ounce of reason left, and you really feel like something that cat drug in from the yard? I have been on that rollercoaster this week. With all my knowledge of God, sometimes the best I could come up with was a song I learned as a young child-“Jesus loves me”. But what truth is in that song!
Somehow I need to express something very important to my readers, especially believers. There are times in this walk that are not pretty, and are very exhausting. The enemy waits for this to happen so that he can pounce on us and kick, and dig into our empty places and create turmoil within us. Sometimes the Lord allows it for a time, but only if HE plans to bring something good out of it. We need to remember above all else, that HE loves us, and does not ever leave us. We need to stop praying to be delivered from ever little thing that causes us discomfort, and start praying to learn what ever we have been brought here to learn. It is truly the purifying fire. We go through hard times to become more like HIM. I have been stuck this week on some different scriptures, that all seem to point to “who do we think we are? Do we really think we will have an easier life than Jesus had on earth? Do we think we are greater than our master? Do we think we can pick and choose scripture to be obedient too?” If you never have stepped out of the bubble of the physical church and touched a heart with kindness, or opened the door for someone struggling…you may not understand why the enemy would want to rip and tear at any one person. If you are not ever experiencing struggles and enemy attack, then I am going to beg you to pray and ask HIM if there is anything standing between you and HIM. I have found that HE will answer quickly.
If you do know what I am talking about…then come to the ONE who can satisfy, and restore. I love that when I feel like the enemy lays me at HIS feet and laughs…my Jesus picks me up and cleans me up and bandages all the wounds, dresses me in the finest clothing, adorns me jewels, and we dance. Surrounded in the most awesome love. I love that HE wraps HIM self around me and HIS strength is apparent to my heart. HE calls me to sleep there, and covers me with HIS robe. HE sings over me. HE reminds me that although it looks like the enemy wins some battles, he has already lost the war!! Does that do good for anyone else’s heart?? It encourages mine greatly.
the enemy is a liar, and he means no one any good thing. Thank you for carrying us when we are to weak to walk anymore. Thank you for filling us with your peace and your joy, that you gladly give to us, when asking. Thank you for being just a cry away, and for intervening on our behalf. Thank you for always bringing something good out of the bad. You truly have our best interest at heart. I am amazed at how high and deep and wide is your love for us. Give us a hunger for more of you, even and foremost in the worst of circumstances. Might we only want you, stretch out our arms and reach for the only One who will ever love us unconditionally, and delights in just hearing our voice directed at HIM. We are desperate for you. Things will only get worse in this world, teach us to hide ourselves in you. You are the only God and there is no other…make it so in our hearts.
your daughter, and princess, who knows there is no life away from you.
(this is a repost from 2007, funny how we seem to go full circle, and here I am again. Thought of rewriting it, but I just couldn’t…Stay close to the ONE who is the safest place to land)
Filed under Abundant Grace, battles, believe, blessings, deliverance, God, healing, hope, Jesus, journey, Kingdom living, life, princess entries, safe place