Struggling for a year. Struggling with what it means – “God is husband to the widow”. I am fully aware that He does not interpret things as I do, and His ways are higher than mine, and so on. I know the theology. But what does that mean to me; a girl, lost without her soulmate, a mother who desperately wants to continue to point her children to what is eternal and not temperal, working harder than ever?
One year ago, God spoke to me. “I will be your husband , I will take care of you, this is bigger than you know, believe me”. He has taken care of me, life is hard but it continues to come together. Blessed in the midst of heart ache.
-Grieving does not require anyone to fix me, I am not that kind of broken.
-climbing up on His lap, and holding on, hiding in Him, is my comfort.
-He gives me what I need, a job with amazing people, a free place to take my children to get away. (that is the nicest place i have ever stayed.) Money to live and meet my responsibilities.
-He gives me what thrills my heart. A spectacular sunset, a bird singing, sunshine, warm temperature in the middle of the frozen east coast.
How does all this tie together? He is the lover of my soul. His bride is in pain, her heart breaks over and over. He promises to dry every tear, but first there must be tears to dry. We are promised victory, but first there is a battle.
Today I found a ring, that fits like it was made for me, instant love for this ring. Decided I will wear it, and remember He is my husband, and we are not home yet. This is all part of Kingdom living…
Filed under battles, believe, Blessed, God's plan, healing, hope, Kingdom living, life, loss, ponderisms, presence of God, princess entries, provision, relationship
Filed under Acceptance, awareness, Change, family, healing, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, loss, Love, Next New Normal, ponderisms
Last weekend, a Benefit concert was held, to celebrate my late husbands life and to help us financially. Bitter sweet is the best way to describe it. All the bands were amazing! People traveled from places like Florida and New York. Many friends I haven’t see for years. Lots of hugs.
The next day my children and I, along with some close friends, spread his ashes at a beautiful spot that he loved. Again bittersweet.
Our lives are not at all what they used to be. My heart is slowly healing, but its healing.
Closure has come to the Frantz family. we survived the last few months. Its time to move on, always keeping his memory in our hearts. But life can not remain as it is. God has so much more for us to experience, and so much more of Him to know.
True Confession: fight feeling guilty for not feeling the way most think I should. Living is not an option, we live, we love, we laugh, we dance. Not exactly how movies portray the widow and her family.
God does not leave his children in a dark place, He rescues them, He restores hope, love, faith. He puts a song in our heart, and laughter on our lips. We are following Him thru this tragedy called life, walking into the light. This is not our home….until its our turn to be home. Don’t judge us, don’t hate what you don’t understand, and not for a second believe Scott is not loved and missed, we will see him again…Next New Normal…
“Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Do you know what it is like to have a week that mentally there is not an ounce of reason left, and you really feel like something that cat drug in from the yard? I have been on that rollercoaster this week. With all my knowledge of God, sometimes the best I could come up with was a song I learned as a young child-“Jesus loves me”. But what truth is in that song!
Somehow I need to express something very important to my readers, especially believers. There are times in this walk that are not pretty, and are very exhausting. The enemy waits for this to happen so that he can pounce on us and kick, and dig into our empty places and create turmoil within us. Sometimes the Lord allows it for a time, but only if HE plans to bring something good out of it. We need to remember above all else, that HE loves us, and does not ever leave us. We need to stop praying to be delivered from ever little thing that causes us discomfort, and start praying to learn what ever we have been brought here to learn. It is truly the purifying fire. We go through hard times to become more like HIM. I have been stuck this week on some different scriptures, that all seem to point to “who do we think we are? Do we really think we will have an easier life than Jesus had on earth? Do we think we are greater than our master? Do we think we can pick and choose scripture to be obedient too?” If you never have stepped out of the bubble of the physical church and touched a heart with kindness, or opened the door for someone struggling…you may not understand why the enemy would want to rip and tear at any one person. If you are not ever experiencing struggles and enemy attack, then I am going to beg you to pray and ask HIM if there is anything standing between you and HIM. I have found that HE will answer quickly.
If you do know what I am talking about…then come to the ONE who can satisfy, and restore. I love that when I feel like the enemy lays me at HIS feet and laughs…my Jesus picks me up and cleans me up and bandages all the wounds, dresses me in the finest clothing, adorns me jewels, and we dance. Surrounded in the most awesome love. I love that HE wraps HIM self around me and HIS strength is apparent to my heart. HE calls me to sleep there, and covers me with HIS robe. HE sings over me. HE reminds me that although it looks like the enemy wins some battles, he has already lost the war!! Does that do good for anyone else’s heart?? It encourages mine greatly.
the enemy is a liar, and he means no one any good thing. Thank you for carrying us when we are to weak to walk anymore. Thank you for filling us with your peace and your joy, that you gladly give to us, when asking. Thank you for being just a cry away, and for intervening on our behalf. Thank you for always bringing something good out of the bad. You truly have our best interest at heart. I am amazed at how high and deep and wide is your love for us. Give us a hunger for more of you, even and foremost in the worst of circumstances. Might we only want you, stretch out our arms and reach for the only One who will ever love us unconditionally, and delights in just hearing our voice directed at HIM. We are desperate for you. Things will only get worse in this world, teach us to hide ourselves in you. You are the only God and there is no other…make it so in our hearts.
your daughter, and princess, who knows there is no life away from you.
(this is a repost from 2007, funny how we seem to go full circle, and here I am again. Thought of rewriting it, but I just couldn’t…Stay close to the ONE who is the safest place to land)
Filed under Abundant Grace, battles, believe, blessings, deliverance, God, healing, hope, Jesus, journey, Kingdom living, life, princess entries, safe place
Decided to repost this from 2009, as the message is incredible, and seems we need to be reminded often. We are not guilty anymore, Mercy is ours!
This is something that has plagued me for many years,..about the time I believe I am walking in the blessing and feeling redeemed, forgiven, and restored..
In my Face! always wondering, how could that have come back to me again in a such a crippling way..When we believe God, have repented, HE promises to take it away as far as the east is from the west, never to belong to us again..we are Free from the past…we are certainly not guilty anymore..I needed this video, and thought maybe you do too..
Not Guilty Anymore-AaronKeyes
Filed under Aaron Keyes, Abundant Grace, believe, bondage, forgiveness, freedom, God, healing, hope, life, mercy, not guilty, princess entries