NNN-walking in the light

Last weekend, a Benefit concert was held, to celebrate my late husbands life and to help us financially.  Bitter sweet is the best way to describe it. All the bands were amazing! People traveled from places like Florida and New York. Many friends I haven’t see for years. Lots of hugs.

The next day my children and I, along with some close friends, spread his ashes at a beautiful spot that he loved. Again bittersweet.

Our lives are not at all what they used to be. My heart is slowly healing, but its healing.

Closure has come to the Frantz family. we survived the last few months. Its time to move on, always keeping his memory in our hearts. But life can not remain as it is.  God has so much more for us to experience, and so much more of Him to know.

True Confession: fight feeling guilty for not feeling the way most think I should.  Living is not an option, we live, we love, we laugh, we dance. Not exactly how movies portray the widow and her family.

God does not leave his children in a dark place, He rescues them, He restores hope, love, faith.  He puts a song in our heart, and laughter on our lips. We are following Him thru this tragedy called life, walking into the light. This is not our home….until its our turn to be home. Don’t judge us, don’t hate what you don’t understand, and not for a second believe Scott is not loved and missed, we will see him again…Next New Normal…

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Sleeping Through the Storms ~ by TheNorEaster

After several days of trying to pull my thoughts into words this gentleman has done it for me. With His permission I am reposting this. For more of his writing, you can find him here

 

“Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples woke him up, shouting, ‘Lord, save us! We are going to drown!’

“Jesus responded, ‘Why are you so afraid? You have so little faith!’ Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.”

~Matthew 8:24-26 NLT

I get desperately exhausted every time I consider this passage. The miracle used to amaze me, but now something very different does: Jesus is sleeping.

Outside.

 

On a boat.
In the middle of a storm.

He has been serving God so diligently and so determinedly — and so passionately to the point of exhaustion — that the fierce winds and cold rains and frigid waves do not even phase Him as He sleeps.

He sleeps.
Finally, He sleeps.
At long last, He can get some rest.

I am amazed at the enormously immense burdens He must have carried that led Him to such a profound point of exhaustion. When I consider my own cross, it makes my head spin.

I’m tired.
All the time.
I’m so tired I’m just tired.

But, I can’t sleep through the storms. I see the winds and feel the rains. And my heart jumps every time the freezing waves wash over me. I can taste the salt in my sleep.

I sleep.
But, never rest.
My heart is just too heavy.

I know to be still and know. And I know to trust His sovereignty. That it will all work out in the grand scheme. And in the end. Greater good, and all that. All that.

But, the silence
of an impossible God
keeps up my heart restless.

The God who makes all things possible has created, to my own small mind, the impossible. And mine is a life so impossible I do not want to know what I know. Not anymore I don’t.

I can’t
even explain
what happened.

And while I always can find someone to listen, I know of no one who can understand, who has been where I am. Difficult to do, actually, since I do not even know where I am.

It’s a place
beyond broken, where
you drift in glorious defeat.

And it is a place where all arguments are absurd, every insult stems from the sin of pride, opinions are the nemesis of truth, and knowledge is completely meaningless.

And people who
do not understand
think you do not care.

And yet, you want so much to find some way to tell them that you do care, but the only words you can find to explain your defeat are that you don’t. That you don’t care.

Listen.
I do care.
All I do is care.

Ideals are the dreams of blind men. And I am just not a man consumed by the issues of the day. Nor am I the one to take up the cause of the moment. And I’ll tell you why.

Because
I am tired.
I’m so tired I’m just tired.

And I still can’t sleep through the storms. Instead, I am the man of the sea terrified by what I see. And I just want to wake Him up, to calm the storm so I can rest.

Yes, Lord,
I am terrified.
Please, let me rest.

 

 

 

Safe Walls?

My heart is heavy with the word “safe”.  I have been hearing it more often, seems we all just want to be safe.  We seem to have our reasons for that. Are we tearing down one wall, just to build another?

God is not safe, He’s good.  So do we trust Him that He has everything under control, or do we continue to take the safer road?  Americans are most guilty of this.  Outreach in the community is God’s work.  Are we really to tell Him, we choose to use a social services so that we can help people who are safe by our standards?  Do we really tell worship leaders how to plan according to what we think is most productive to a heart? Or do we believe that God is still the only one saving a heart?

Worship leaders are praying about what God wants in their services, God still knows best.

My life was filled with abuse, so yes I do know what I am talking about.  I just don’t choose to label myself as such. Why? Because God has freed me, my past no longer defines me.  Was there some magic, or certain worship, maybe a special book that brought me to this place? NO! It was God, and spending time with Him, asking Him all the tough questions, letting Him walk me through each day, teaching me to make different choices, Loving me through my pain.

I had to learn to forgive, I had no idea how easy it was, that choosing God’s way would be all I needed.  The burden lifted the second I choose to truly give it to God, and allow Him to handle things.  Submission to Him was nothing like the world had taught me.  It was more like laying back in the arms of the one who truly loved me. It was not a bitter hard thing to swallow.

The world labels everything.  But they have not been introduced correctly to us.  We are God’s children, beloved, free, Kingdom living and not at all elite.

Is following God safe by the worlds standards? No…but we are not of the world.  Where is our sense of adventure? desire? it may be caught up in a trust issue…Believe God that He is capable of anything this world may throw at us…HE got this! safe no..good yes

Lets’s not tear down one wall to build another…we just need to believe God and not just believe there is an God.

Hiding in Jesus (Abiding)

“Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”  Do you know what it is like to have a week that mentally there is not an ounce of reason left, and you really feel like something that cat drug in from the yard?  I have been on that rollercoaster this week.  With all my knowledge of God, sometimes the best I could come up with was a song I learned as a young child-“Jesus loves me”.  But what truth is in that song!

Somehow I need to express something very important to my readers, especially believers.  There are times in this walk that are not pretty, and are very exhausting.  The enemy waits for this to happen so that he can pounce on us and kick, and dig into our empty places and create turmoil within us.  Sometimes the Lord allows it for a time, but only if HE plans to bring something good out of it.  We need to remember above all else, that HE loves us, and does not ever leave us.  We need to stop praying to be delivered from ever little thing that causes us discomfort, and start praying to learn what ever we have been brought here to learn.  It is truly the purifying fire.  We go through hard times to become more like HIM.  I have been stuck this week on some different scriptures, that all seem to point to “who do we think we are? Do we really think we will have an easier life than Jesus had on earth?  Do we think we are greater than our master? Do we think we can pick and choose scripture to be obedient too?”  If you never have stepped out of the bubble of the physical church and touched a heart with kindness, or opened the door for someone struggling…you may not understand why the enemy would want to rip and tear at any one person.  If you are not ever experiencing struggles and enemy attack, then I am going to beg you to pray and ask HIM if there is anything standing between you and HIM.  I have found that HE will answer quickly.

If you do know what I am talking about…then come to the ONE who can satisfy, and restore.  I love that when I feel like the enemy lays me at HIS feet and laughs…my Jesus picks me up and cleans me up and bandages all the wounds, dresses me in the finest clothing, adorns me jewels, and we dance.  Surrounded in the most awesome love.  I love that HE wraps HIM self around me and HIS strength is apparent to my heart.  HE calls me to sleep there, and covers me with HIS robe. HE sings over me. HE reminds me that  although it looks like the enemy wins some battles, he has already lost the war!!  Does that do good  for anyone else’s heart?? It encourages mine greatly.

Jesus,

the enemy is a liar, and he means no one any good thing.  Thank you for carrying us when we are to weak to walk anymore.  Thank you for filling us with your peace and your joy, that you gladly give to us, when asking.  Thank you for being just a cry away, and for intervening on our behalf.  Thank you for always bringing something good out of the bad.  You truly have our best interest at heart.  I am amazed at how high and deep and wide is your love for us.  Give us a hunger for more of you, even and foremost in the worst of circumstances.  Might we only want you, stretch out our arms and reach for the only One who will ever love us unconditionally, and delights in just hearing our voice directed at HIM.  We are desperate for you.  Things will only get worse in this world, teach us to hide ourselves in you.  You are the only God and there is no other…make it so in our hearts. 

your daughter, and princess, who knows there is no life away from you.

(this is a repost from 2007, funny how we seem to go full circle, and here I am again.  Thought of rewriting it, but I just couldn’t…Stay close to the ONE who is the safest place to land)

Re-educated? yeah, maybe…

**Update** first and foremost, the Gospel of Christ is not ever compromised…No Not ever!

First, I am sorry for not blogging for so long….. *sigh* but I hope to be here much more.

I am recently partnering with Samaritans Purse in order to create “safe” church. Sounds funny doesn’t it? Shouldn’t church be safe? Altho many are very safe, the abused have a hard time feeling safe, even there.  Since statistics are showing a woman is abused every 3 minutes(that is reported), not including men, and children, its imperative for the church to not just close our eyes to this, and learn how to reach out to them. It’s not the old way of banging on a door and say “are you going to heaven or hell?”. Seriously!  As a overcomer in this area, I can tell you that just pushes an abused person farther from truth.

An abused person, already has trouble believing it’s not their fault.  When hearing of a God who loved so much HE died for them, it holds no water, only because the abused only see the pain they have been through, and wonder why? Why would a loving God who died for me, and knit me together, place and abandon me in the life I am in? That is not the kind of love an abused person can relate to.

We (the body) need to become more compassionate, more hopeful, less judgemental.

Jesus spoke to the woman in the temple, sitting in a corner, curled up…and HE extended HIS hand, and said “Woman, you are loosed!”   She was freed from whatever caused her to sit in a vegetative state, curled up, wondering if it was like the fetal position?  Ah, if you have been abused or hurt, you know what I am talking about.

We need to learn to teach more on what we are created for, and being beaten, raped or terrified is not what we the creation was made for.  We need to learn more ourselves the attributes of God, we need to get in our Old Testaments as well, to see stories like Joseph…he didn’t deserve what happened to him either, but God took the bad and HE made it good. HE is still the same as HE was then..today.  He still forgives, and changes lives.  He still touches the Lepers, or whatever you may call the unlovely today.  His mission is to set the captives free…. as the body we have captives who need freed, loosed…probably sitting near us on Sundays, maybe the stranger who walks in late, and sits in the back…Make no mistake…God is near to the broken-hearted…

Not sure where all this is going to take me. But this I know.  God set this captive free, and HE did it by himself, one on one, teaching me early in the mornings, holding me late at night, and showing me Him self.   He is about to take some bad and make it good!

Reflections…

There are times when quiet relection seems to be all that one can do, especially if you are a person who feels the need to do something. I am that type of person.

Lately a whole new level with the LORD has begun to open up, and following HIM is the only true option.  Awareness has become a strong sense to me, and equally hard to describe.  Looking in the the mirror, or a window, or water…the person who is reflected back to me, is new to me.  My past seems to be seperated from me, and who i once was is a stranger to me.  Healing? maybe…

Moving on with HIM, where ever this takes me.  At times just surrending, lifting my arms to HIM and saying, “even if i resist, just take me”.  Do you ever find yourself resisting?  Wish i could say that i don’t, but too many times i do.

Its time to get on with this thing called Faith and believing, its time to blindly allow HIM to lead, and trusting that HE is good (not necessarily safe).  In this time of reflection, HE reminds me over and over…”Believe me here, I do not fail you”…

This morning he woke me to a song that HE woke me with many years ago…and it touched my heart so deeply.  The memories of that time flooded my heart, a time when HE was new to me, a time when things seemed very uncertain, and i time when i knew without a doubt that HIS arms and love flowed over me.

HE is the same God, yesterday, today, and forever, never changing…the God of my yesterday, today and forever…HE’s been there all along, and yes i do know HIM, and yes HE is believeable and trustworthy..

How long has it been that you have allowed silence into your home, nothing but the Word, nothing but Praise music?  I promise you, its worth the effort, and a time of relecting always follows.

if you are interested this is the song that HE has waken me to…