January 31, 2014 · 10:16 PM
Struggling for a year. Struggling with what it means – “God is husband to the widow”. I am fully aware that He does not interpret things as I do, and His ways are higher than mine, and so on. I know the theology. But what does that mean to me; a girl, lost without her soulmate, a mother who desperately wants to continue to point her children to what is eternal and not temperal, working harder than ever?
One year ago, God spoke to me. “I will be your husband , I will take care of you, this is bigger than you know, believe me”. He has taken care of me, life is hard but it continues to come together. Blessed in the midst of heart ache.
-Grieving does not require anyone to fix me, I am not that kind of broken.
-climbing up on His lap, and holding on, hiding in Him, is my comfort.
-He gives me what I need, a job with amazing people, a free place to take my children to get away. (that is the nicest place i have ever stayed.) Money to live and meet my responsibilities.
-He gives me what thrills my heart. A spectacular sunset, a bird singing, sunshine, warm temperature in the middle of the frozen east coast.
How does all this tie together? He is the lover of my soul. His bride is in pain, her heart breaks over and over. He promises to dry every tear, but first there must be tears to dry. We are promised victory, but first there is a battle.
Today I found a ring, that fits like it was made for me, instant love for this ring. Decided I will wear it, and remember He is my husband, and we are not home yet. This is all part of Kingdom living…
Filed under battles, believe, Blessed, God's plan, healing, hope, Kingdom living, life, loss, ponderisms, presence of God, princess entries, provision, relationship
January 1, 2014 · 11:49 AM
Filed under Acceptance, awareness, Change, family, healing, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, loss, Love, Next New Normal, ponderisms
December 3, 2013 · 6:08 AM
Filed under Authenticity, battles, convictions, follow, forgive, Grace, heart condition, heavy heart, Jesus, journey, life, loss, mercy, princess entries
December 1, 2013 · 7:06 PM
People generally say anything that they think you want to hear. It’s not helpful.
People generally have their own desires in front of any repercussions it may cost another. Its awful.
People spend most of their life working for more money to better their life, while destroying relationships. Its painful.
People will hate another all while preaching love. It hurts.
We push hard to just make it through the week, and lick our wounds in private. Its hard.
We try to be honest with others. Its brutal.
We deal with manipulators who are pleasing their own twisted agenda. Its sickening.
Don’t trust people. Don’t trust your heart. Its deceiving.
So, what’s the point? Why are we pushing so hard, there is no promise that the other side of this is any better.
Why allow anyone in to the closed part of your soul, your deepest thoughts? They will not honor them.
I don’t know what the point is. I am not sure why I do this every day. But I know I screwed up. I looked to someone else and put my trust out there, and it was disastrous. An already trashed heart, smashed a little more.
God is the only one who knows “whats the point”, wondering if he will tell me.
October 26, 2013 · 9:59 AM
Long week of sorrows. I realize it will be like a rollercoaster. But the ride is tiring.
Disgruntled. This life is exhausting to only bring me barely breathing.
Remembering all that I have in Christ, and feeling small in all of it.
Wondering why I long to feel like I am home, belonging, beautiful, secure.
I was created for all of it, this is just not my home, I belong to Heaven.
Its ok to feel all this.
Wanting to be found in Him, and grateful for all the beauty around me and the people who care about me.
Journeying to the place I was created for, Heaven is my home…
Filed under Beautiful, healing, Heaven, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, mourning, princess entries, struggles
Tagged as Heaven, Home, Hope, journeying, life, sorrow
Next Chapter…New job, new interests, new people…its not as scary as I thought. You know, Letting go and taking life as it comes? Sure I have to work at it, but overall its all good!
Accepting that everything is what it is.
This is not my home.
Don’t know where this life is going, just glad that its moving forward.
Believing that God is placing the ones in my life that are supposed to be in it.
Loving the laughter, conversations, and heart to heart authenticity.
Not sure what tomorrow brings, but today, my heart is happy.