Priorities, Changes, Oh My!

No walls this time, but definitely a fork in the road.  One is a little rocky, and not too pleasant to the eye, but the other is closed.  So I am taking the only road I can.  Maybe its just the “unknown” factor that makes this new road less appealing….

I have allergies.  They cripple my lifestyle to an extent.  I have to be careful how much time I spend outside, My AC runs constantly  to filter the allergens in my home. There is no medication that brings me 100% relief.  The medication I do take is the same as a car payment every month.  

God has blessed me with a job that works with all this. No weekends, and no summers, unless I feel up to a day here or there.

Why am I sharing this? I really don’t want to.  I keep it to myself and try to be as healthy as I can.  My allergies are getting worse.  They cause me to have sinus migranes, and literally make me sick. My symptoms are heart pounding, shortness of breath, head pounding, and stomach turning.  I have no warning when that will happen, and whatever plans I may have made come to an immediate halt.  Overall, when telling someone that I can not participate in an activity, I get the “look”.  I have become a person that many can not count on.  Its heart breaking, and disappointing to say the least. Tiring in trying to explain.

After struggling with all this means to my life, and having lots of conversations with God on this matter, I am believing that He wants something else from me. Outreach can come to my door, and He has shown me that.  I don’t know where all this is going…don’t know if I am supposed to return to writing.  But I do know that my family is a gift from God.  I want to use my energies in being a good wife, and a good mom, and the best Mimi I can be. 

I do love my church, and I get there as often as I can.  Opening a new chapter to my life….

Priorities, Changes, Oh my!   So glad God knows what He is doing, I am just going to rest in HIM.

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Hearts in Chains

Ten years ago, God woke me up at 3 in the morning, and spoke to my heart very clearly.  He said “my bride is in bondage, she is asleep in it, wake her up, she must get ready. Believe me”  I know now that I did not fully understand.  I assumed it was about me. Bondage seemed to be my middle name.  I believed that the past some how molded me, and destroyed my future.  So living was more of doing with what I have.  

A few months later, I received a free ticket for a Beth Moore conference “Hearts set free”.  I didn’t know who she was, but I like free! and I knew in my heart, my own bondage needed to be resolved so that I could get ready and be wakened up.  She came on the stage, the very first words out of her mouth “God’s bride is in bondage, she is asleep and must wake up, she needs to get ready! Oh dear ones, God wants you to believe HIM.”   She now had my undivided attention! 

Over the years, I have learned to believe Him more, but there is always more to believe Him for.  Trust is an issue.  Abuse has taken a toll on many hearts, not just mine.  Knowing Him, is to believe Him.  He is believable! After studying through the Old Testament, God is trustworthy, 100% Truth, focused on his plan, and no one can defer Him.  Our actions do not change His thinking or His work.  

After we went through some things as a family, I seemed to have forgotten to just simply believe God.  I am doing this again.  My heart is reaching out to the abused, and asking “please believe Him”.  Forgiveness is not a feeling its a choice.  Choose it, even if you need to do it several times a day, God is strong enough to make it a heart thing for you, through your obedience to forgive.  It doesn’t have to be a one on one with the abuser, it just needs to be between you and God.  This will free your heart.  

Don’t you want to feel peace again? Or maybe feel peace for the first time?  Lay it all at the feet of God, He wants so much more for you than the life you live, HE wants your heart to be free.  He wants to take the bad and make it good.  He did not create you for the life you had, or chains that wrap your heart.  The church can not fix this for you, only God can fix His own creation.  

You are beautiful to Him, He rejoices that you are even thinking about Him.  Don’t wait…Go to Him now..He’s patiently waiting for you…Believe Him.

Just Believe

God has a plan, and we just need to surrender to it.  God is still God, and His plan is still in motion, with or without our surrender.  I think at times we forget this.  We are the created, and He is the Creator.  Everything moves along His timeline.  So many things happen that we just don’t understand.  Maybe we are not supposed too.

God asks us to rest in Him, to accept the gifts He has already given to us.  

*Peace

*Joy

*Love

*Security

*Mercy

*Redemption

*forgiveness

*Adoption into His family

*Blessed

If we (I) truly believed God, these things would flow out and saturate those around us…24/7

This year, I want to believe God more than ever before….

Beach bound

Life has been rushing me…i hate that.  But when the curse of this world starts to be over bearing…i have always run to the water…love it!  the coolest part is… God’s small voice always seems clearer to me there…so off we go…staying a week…totally unplugged

Overwhelmed, in Awe

Sitting here before the LORD, and wondering what makes the Almighty Creator of all things give attention to my trivial every day life? I am grateful that HE does, and no doubt He has been showing off lots lately.

After a year of praying for my man to get a different job and to find a church family, God has provided both.  The new job starts in March, and in March a new opportunity to lead women has also opened.  Finding my heart and mind flat before the LORD…There comes a time in knowing Him that there is no words for what He does, and words are few….

In my human mind, i can not comprehend what HE is doing, or why He would want to save me from my past.  There will never be a day that i will be able to repay Him, and my surrender to HIS love for me is all that He is asking.  He wants all my dreary, shame-filled life in return for His everything..HE wants to be my everything..HE wants me to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.  He lifts my head in front of HIS other children, and I become broken.  He sings over me, He watches over me 24/7, my praise causes Him to dance over me, and at this very moment, i sense He is smiling and telling the Son, ” thats my girl, she believes me today”.

Trading the World 4 His Presence

The battle is lost or won in the secret places of the will before God, never first in the external world.  The Spirit of God apprehends me and I am obliged to get alone with God and fight the battle out before Him. Until this is done, I lose every time. The battle may take one minute or a year, that will depend on me, not on God, and i must resolutely go through the hell of a renunciation before God. Nothing has any power over the man who has fought out the battle before God and won there. If I say, I will wait til I get into the circumstances and the put God to the test, I shall find that I cannot.  I must get the thing settled between myself and God in the secret places of my soul where no stranger inter-meddles, and then I can go forth with the certainty that the battle is won…Get alone with God, fight it out before Him, settle the matter there once and for all…Every now and again, not often, God brings us to a point of climax. That is the Great Divide in the life; from that point on we either go towards more and more dilatory and useless type of Christian life, or we become more and more ablaze for the glory of God–My Utmost for His Highest.  ~Oswald Chambers

My past has been settled once and for all before the throne of God.  This has happened a while back, and I needed this quote to remind me. In my humanness, I tend to get led away by well meaning people, and start to wander of from my first true love.  I made Him a promise long ago, when HE set me free from the bondage that seemed like normal living to me.  HE put my feet on a solid foundation, and a song in my heart, praise on my lips, and HE taught me to dance with HIM.  And in return, I promised Him to stay close to HIS word, and to come to Him first, to not let any thing come from my mouth that was not pleasing to Him.  Sounds like I set myself up for a fall.  But it is do-able when I am following closely to Him.

My desire and my prayer is…that I will glorify God in all that I say and do. When HE calls “who will I send”, my answer will be “Lord, send me”.  I want to use my gifts that HE has given to me, for His glory and not mine.  Each and every gift that HE has set aside for me, I want to use for Him. I want all that HE has to give me!

My GOD, and My King, Lover of my soul, my secret Keeper…no one has ever loved me like you do, and no one ever will…there is none beside You.  I stand in Awe .  So many times I try to fit into a category of people..not fitting into the conservative or the Liberal, but always finding my perfect fit, and total peace in the quiet place with You.  You have freed me from my past, and we have fought the thing through on several levels, and I am more than a conqueror in your eyes.  Pleasing you is far better than man, fitting in is not important.  What is important is to stay focused and Kingdom minded.  Thank you for reminding me, that I find my worth in You. I am priceless in  your eyes, and you died for me.   No compromise on the road to You, no looking left or right, only where you lead.   The joy that is found in You is overflowing and my desires are quenched in You.  I choose to stay right here, in Your shadow, controlling my tongue, guarding my eyes as they have passage to my heart, keeping my heart open to You.  Thank You for your great patience, and thanks for the short leash that rips my heart out when I have started to take the smallest of steps from your side.  I don’t want that to ever change.  You are enough for me! Trading the world for your presence. Your princess who wants her Utmost for Your Highest!