Category Archives: presence of God

Wearing His Ring

Struggling for a year. Struggling with what it means – “God is husband to the widow”. I am fully aware that He does not interpret things as I do, and His ways are higher than mine, and so on. I know the theology.  But what does that mean to me; a girl, lost without her soulmate, a mother who desperately wants to continue to point her children to what is eternal and not temperal, working harder than ever?

One year ago, God spoke to me. “I will be your husband , I will take care of you, this is bigger than you know, believe me”.  He has taken care of me, life is hard but it continues to come together. Blessed in the midst of heart ache.

Pondering:

-Grieving does not require anyone to fix me, I am not that kind of broken.

-climbing up on His lap, and holding on, hiding in Him, is my comfort.

-He gives me what I need, a job with amazing people, a free place to take my children to get away. (that is the nicest place i have ever stayed.) Money to live and meet my responsibilities.

-He gives me what thrills my heart.  A spectacular sunset, a bird singing, sunshine, warm temperature in the middle of the frozen east coast.

How does all this tie together? He is the lover of my soul. His bride is in pain, her heart breaks over and over. He promises to dry every tear, but first there must be tears to dry. We are promised victory, but first there is a battle.

Today I found a ring, that fits like it was made for me, instant love for this ring. Decided I will wear it, and remember He is my husband, and we are not home yet. This is all part of Kingdom living…

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Filed under battles, believe, Blessed, God's plan, healing, hope, Kingdom living, life, loss, ponderisms, presence of God, princess entries, provision, relationship

Repost~Princess, Overcomer?..Stand in Awe

I don’t know if anyone else needs this today..but i do!

Princess, stand in Awe (previously posted in 2008 on my blogspot…before moving here..)

We leave the radio on in the kitchen always, I am not sure why we do that except maybe the dog needs company and is confined to the kitchen. 🙂 It is always on a Christian Contemporary Radio station, so this morning while in search for my coffee, it spoke to my heart. “Stand in Awe and worship, come adore, King of kings and Lord of lords”. Praying this morning for a heart that will constantly stand in Awe of my Awesome God. The world just pulls us in so many different directions, and the negative seems to out weigh the postive most days, but the focus is to stand in Awe and worship! Music ministers to my soul in great proportions, and I do thank HIM for giving me song in my heart, and praise on my lips. GOD is so very good to me and I am so undeserving of anything. I love that most about HIM this morning. God is happy with God, and therefore it pleases HIM to call me HIS own, to adopt me into HIS family, and to put my feet on solid ground.

I spoke of the out reach in earlier posts, and wanting to start with the children in my area. I have stressed over boards in the church, I have stressed over prayer support…and this morning I am repentant for unbelief. What I felt was the first step proved to be no step…hahaha God totally opened the door, and all we had to do was walk through it! Prayer support-God provided in my siesta sistas, dollas, diva princess’. I saw with my own eyes yesterday the power of your prayers, and I thank you for interceeding on our behalf. I love how the whole thing works, although I don’t understand it and don’t think I want to…I think I would rather stand in Awe and worship our Father of Unfailing Love, who does not send us with out HIS own plan in place. HE does not fail us!

My King, Yahweh, Abba,
It is a gift just to stand in Awe and worship You. In all your power and beauty, I am overwhelmed in the fact that You move Heaven and Earth on our behalf. “who is man that you would be mindful of him”…thank you that you are so very detailed in our lives. Forgive my foolishness and unbelief, if there is any pride in me, please bring it in my face and deal with it. I know that the road to You is not the easier of the two, but it is the blessed one, resulting in crossing the finish line and You are my great Reward! Thank you for my sisters in You, and how they encourage me, and for the prayer cover you have provided. Thank you for opening the door, and allowing us to see it and walk through. Thank you for the sunshine this moring that is such an awesome display of your faithfulness to me, and a constant reminder to walk in Your light. Jesus, again today I want more than anything to live for you, and to be a picture of YOU to someone else. Touch my lips with coal from your altar, and purify me to stand in your presence-the presence of my HOLY GOD, and stand in Awe and worship. Send me. Overwhelmed in your Goodness, Your Princess

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Filed under Acceptance, Awe, encouragement, family, forgiveness, God's plan, hope, Kingdom living, Love, Love HIM, outreach, prayer, presence of God, princess entries, worship

Beach bound

Life has been rushing me…i hate that.  But when the curse of this world starts to be over bearing…i have always run to the water…love it!  the coolest part is… God’s small voice always seems clearer to me there…so off we go…staying a week…totally unplugged

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Filed under beach, God, healing, heavy heart, intentional, Kingdom living, life, Peace, presence of God, princess entries

Good-bye Religion

Feeling jaded…struggling with what i thought to be my faith, only to find out religion has caused me much grief. Its taken me far from my Creator, and even caused much turmoil in my spirit.  For the last 10 years or so…all I really wanted was to be accepted by a people who had rejected me.  Oh I knew how to do it this time…I knew what to say, I knew how to look, and was brushing up on my theology. Accepted I was.  Let down, and confused I became. I am accepted in Christ, and that is enough for me.

Coming back from the pit that I lived in most my life, had changed me.  I developed the beginning of a relationship with my Creator, and the one place that I thought would rejoice with me, and help me to grow..did not…jaded…

It felt so good to be accepted with them…but my heart grew tired, confused, easily agitated..for the last two years, I wonder why?  I’ve been called “Critical”, “unloving”.  In all my questions, answers like this “you are judging the body of Christ, and bad things will happen to you”…the politics of religion…legalism…do it like this…look like this…don’t talk so much about relationship, its not teachable…

After spending what seems like an endless amount of time…asking God over and over…”why can’t i get back to where we were in this relationship? I miss you.”

There is no room for religion in this Relationship!  Great! but that is scary in itself.  Learning to let go of my religion, in order to grasp the relationship.

I am going to start posting my fresh new look at scripture that  I have memorized, and go deeper with the Lord, in the way they apply to me… Believing God and making it a life style is not a religion, its a relationship.

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Filed under believe, God, hope, Kingdom living, Legalism, life, presence of God, princess entries, random thoughts, relationship, religion

gave a fortuneteller a ticket…

(this is a true story, happened about 7 years ago)

While in Baltimore, MD’s Inner Harbor, i was confronted with a very hard truth, and although i didn’t understand it, and have really beaten myself up over it, and similar events in my Christ-follower life…while reading Fran’s post..God really spoke to my heart. and this is the story of how it is possible to take a huge step forward…and in the same hour..allow the flesh to drag you back…

i was in Baltimore MD’s Inner Harbor for a Beth Moore conference, i had an extra ticket, and lots of extra time to kill before the conference. we (the two other women with me) decided it would be a good idea to walk around Inner Harbor, and maybe we would find someone who would like to go and i could give them the ticket.  You know i could not give that ticket away, and it was soon time for us to get to the arena.  My heart was so pulled to go back to the mall, and give the ticket to the fortune teller…i know crazy..but Jesus loved her too, and we did make eye contact…the other women laughed at me, but reluctantly went with me…i entered her little tent/booth, and she said..”i know the future”, I replied ” i do too”, i then gave her the ticket, and told her to “please try to come, i know that God wants you to be there, HE loves you so”. her eyes softened, she smiled, and put it in her purse.

As i turned around i found that i was totally alone, the women had not only moved closer to the door, but went outside the mall…instantly my flesh was in a tizzy!  they started to make fun of me for doing what i did, and it didn’t stop there…when we got into the arena, it was very crowded…one of the women with me yanked at my ticket and said “are you sure there isn’t some demon you’d like to give this too?”…my ticket fell and people were walking on it…i had to scramble to get my ticket, then catch back up to them.  I was so angry, i wouldn’t look at them, i wouldn’t talk to them, i was wishing i wasn’t even there, and thinking of where else i could go to sleep so i could be far from them!

i just experienced the power of God, and the love of Jesus in a most beautiful way…and i could not show love to the church women who were with me…my heart sank, at a time when i wanted to be overjoyed in Christ, i was grieved not only by thier actions but by my own.

The next day at the last conference…at the altar call..i am sure that i seen her (the fortune teller) walk to the front and in all those people, i was amazed to see her, and to be so sure in my spirit that it was her.  I never seen her again, never had another conversation with her, but i believe i will see her when we all get to heaven.

Outreach, street people, homeless, underprivileged, drug addicts…God has put on my heart, i find them beautiful, i know HE loves them. But with out fail…i experience the presence of God, and then soon after i experience my flesh and the need for it to die more…i experience the anger of the enemy, and wonder why i don’t stand stronger at that time…i don’t pretend to know the mind of God, but i do know, that with each experience…i am learning to look more like Jesus and less like me…there is no room in my life with Christ, for pride, and a huge place for being humble.

if you get a chance to check out my awesome sista Fran’s blog..leave her a comment, and whole lotta luv!

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Filed under Beth Moore, bitterness, dying to self, God, Jesus, Kingdom living, life, Love, outreach, presence of God, princess entries

Kisses from Heaven

Have you ever felt like you were on the receiving end of a kiss from Heaven?  Nothing like it! This day was one of those days!

Church service was awesome! I love when I show up and notice God moving around the place..and touching hearts like only HE can do! If that were all that happened today I would still feel like kisses from heaven.  But the day increasingly was full of HIM all around me! He knows how much i miss my friends that are far away. Altho, it wasn’t all of them, it was three contacts today from three different states, all just wanted to love on me, and yes! i was loving on them too!  God just knows and provides all that we need and desire.  From the time I left my home this morning, to this very moment (hanging with my family), HIS presence is incredible.  I am praying that you all know what that is like, and that you will very soon receive your own kisses from heaven. Peace

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Filed under encouragement, friendships, God, Heaven, Kingdom living, life, Love, presence of God, princess entries

Trading the World 4 His Presence

The battle is lost or won in the secret places of the will before God, never first in the external world.  The Spirit of God apprehends me and I am obliged to get alone with God and fight the battle out before Him. Until this is done, I lose every time. The battle may take one minute or a year, that will depend on me, not on God, and i must resolutely go through the hell of a renunciation before God. Nothing has any power over the man who has fought out the battle before God and won there. If I say, I will wait til I get into the circumstances and the put God to the test, I shall find that I cannot.  I must get the thing settled between myself and God in the secret places of my soul where no stranger inter-meddles, and then I can go forth with the certainty that the battle is won…Get alone with God, fight it out before Him, settle the matter there once and for all…Every now and again, not often, God brings us to a point of climax. That is the Great Divide in the life; from that point on we either go towards more and more dilatory and useless type of Christian life, or we become more and more ablaze for the glory of God–My Utmost for His Highest.  ~Oswald Chambers

My past has been settled once and for all before the throne of God.  This has happened a while back, and I needed this quote to remind me. In my humanness, I tend to get led away by well meaning people, and start to wander of from my first true love.  I made Him a promise long ago, when HE set me free from the bondage that seemed like normal living to me.  HE put my feet on a solid foundation, and a song in my heart, praise on my lips, and HE taught me to dance with HIM.  And in return, I promised Him to stay close to HIS word, and to come to Him first, to not let any thing come from my mouth that was not pleasing to Him.  Sounds like I set myself up for a fall.  But it is do-able when I am following closely to Him.

My desire and my prayer is…that I will glorify God in all that I say and do. When HE calls “who will I send”, my answer will be “Lord, send me”.  I want to use my gifts that HE has given to me, for His glory and not mine.  Each and every gift that HE has set aside for me, I want to use for Him. I want all that HE has to give me!

My GOD, and My King, Lover of my soul, my secret Keeper…no one has ever loved me like you do, and no one ever will…there is none beside You.  I stand in Awe .  So many times I try to fit into a category of people..not fitting into the conservative or the Liberal, but always finding my perfect fit, and total peace in the quiet place with You.  You have freed me from my past, and we have fought the thing through on several levels, and I am more than a conqueror in your eyes.  Pleasing you is far better than man, fitting in is not important.  What is important is to stay focused and Kingdom minded.  Thank you for reminding me, that I find my worth in You. I am priceless in  your eyes, and you died for me.   No compromise on the road to You, no looking left or right, only where you lead.   The joy that is found in You is overflowing and my desires are quenched in You.  I choose to stay right here, in Your shadow, controlling my tongue, guarding my eyes as they have passage to my heart, keeping my heart open to You.  Thank You for your great patience, and thanks for the short leash that rips my heart out when I have started to take the smallest of steps from your side.  I don’t want that to ever change.  You are enough for me! Trading the world for your presence. Your princess who wants her Utmost for Your Highest!

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Filed under Abiding, conversing with God, Face down, freedom, gifts, Glory of God, God, life, Love, obedience, Only One God, Peace, presence of God, princess entries, relationship, sanctification