Category Archives: heart condition

Protected: I was wrong

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Filed under Authenticity, battles, convictions, follow, forgive, Grace, heart condition, heavy heart, Jesus, journey, life, loss, mercy, princess entries

Hearts in Chains

Ten years ago, God woke me up at 3 in the morning, and spoke to my heart very clearly.  He said “my bride is in bondage, she is asleep in it, wake her up, she must get ready. Believe me”  I know now that I did not fully understand.  I assumed it was about me. Bondage seemed to be my middle name.  I believed that the past some how molded me, and destroyed my future.  So living was more of doing with what I have.  

A few months later, I received a free ticket for a Beth Moore conference “Hearts set free”.  I didn’t know who she was, but I like free! and I knew in my heart, my own bondage needed to be resolved so that I could get ready and be wakened up.  She came on the stage, the very first words out of her mouth “God’s bride is in bondage, she is asleep and must wake up, she needs to get ready! Oh dear ones, God wants you to believe HIM.”   She now had my undivided attention! 

Over the years, I have learned to believe Him more, but there is always more to believe Him for.  Trust is an issue.  Abuse has taken a toll on many hearts, not just mine.  Knowing Him, is to believe Him.  He is believable! After studying through the Old Testament, God is trustworthy, 100% Truth, focused on his plan, and no one can defer Him.  Our actions do not change His thinking or His work.  

After we went through some things as a family, I seemed to have forgotten to just simply believe God.  I am doing this again.  My heart is reaching out to the abused, and asking “please believe Him”.  Forgiveness is not a feeling its a choice.  Choose it, even if you need to do it several times a day, God is strong enough to make it a heart thing for you, through your obedience to forgive.  It doesn’t have to be a one on one with the abuser, it just needs to be between you and God.  This will free your heart.  

Don’t you want to feel peace again? Or maybe feel peace for the first time?  Lay it all at the feet of God, He wants so much more for you than the life you live, HE wants your heart to be free.  He wants to take the bad and make it good.  He did not create you for the life you had, or chains that wrap your heart.  The church can not fix this for you, only God can fix His own creation.  

You are beautiful to Him, He rejoices that you are even thinking about Him.  Don’t wait…Go to Him now..He’s patiently waiting for you…Believe Him.

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Filed under abused, Acceptance, believe, Beth Moore, bondage, forgive, God, heart, heart condition, hope, Kingdom living, Know HIM, life, obedience, overcome, Peace, princess entries

She is my Sunshine

She is my sunshine!

Even her cry lights up my heart. 

Her name is Lia Kate.

Smiley, and active in a bouncy chair.

Loves love.

Squeals with delight when her mommy enters the room.

She needs your prayers.

Lia was born a little early, and was quickly diagnosed with a heart murmur. No big deal, lots of kids and adults have them and they live normally.

After being checked by a specialist, her little heart has a valve that is not completely developed, and after the second check, found an artery that is open in the heart, and causing more stress to her little heart.

Surgeons are watching her closely, and hoping for her to gain more weight by the 11t of May.  Surgery like this is tricky when they are so small.  The catheter surgery is 99% that all will be corrected, and she will be fine.  But she doesn’t weigh enough.  If her condition grows worse, then they will have to enter through her chest cavity.  Much more dangerous, Much more lingering of sedatives in her little body, and they just don’t know if they can correct it through that method.

Needless to say, her mommy is on an emotional rollercoaster, and her Mimi as well! 

God can do this! nothing is too hard for HIM! He  hears the prayers of HIS children.  I am asking for you to lift her and our family up as you think of us, or as God leads you. 

Thanks in advance for joining the army of prayer warriors who are already in place, giving us support, and praying for my Sunshine.

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Filed under healing, heart, heart condition, hope, Kingdom living, life, Love, mothers heart, prayer, princess entries

Pondering…looking at the Wall

Ever find yourself still, staring at a wall? Can’t get over it? Can’t get around it? not sure how you even ended up here?

Been looking and struggling with this wall for quite some time..days have turned to months, months are quickly turning to years…

The need to evaluate, and re-evaluate is imperative.  The questions that come to mind are scary, and very transparent of the heart.  I’ve been shamed for being at this wall, accused of some horrific sin, dismissed as a backslider…..yet I am exactly where God wants me to be.  HE is shredding my legalistic views, HE is stirring my bitterness to eliminate it, HE is still in control…even here. Only when HE has finished with the extremely painful heart surgery, will HE see me to the other side.

Funny, how we are so quick to judge another at the wall. How quickly we dismiss what we don’t understand. So often we claim to know what God is doing in another. We even claim to know and understand God.  *sigh*

God is not created in man’s image, we don’t even have a conclusive definition of “Holy”, yet we claim it.  I absolutely hate looking at this wall…and at the same time…I believe HE has a plan that is more awesome than anything I could dream up.

HE promised to never leave me…

HE promised to finish the work HE started in me…

HE promised to never let go…

Simple promises. Holding on to them with all I got.  Hoping that when I get to the otherside of this wall, that my concept of HIM will have grown in huge proportions.  “I will wait patiently on the LORD”…HE is faithful, even when I am not.

Ever been here? what did you learn if you have been?  Maybe you are there now.  If so, how do you keep looking up?

“Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ”

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Filed under battles, bitterness, finger of God, God, God's plan, heart, heart condition, hope, image of God, journey, judging, Kingdom living, Legalism, life, ponderisms, princess entries, suffering

Upside down, Inside out

remembering when God turned my world upside down and inside out for my good…remembering how unsettling at times that was…didn’t know at that time that God would have to do that to me over again….and who knows? maybe several more times in my life…

About eight years ago, the path i was on…nothing short of incredible…three years ago, a mentor led me into a pit that scarred me in ways no one will ever know, but God knows.  Since then, it seems to be very easy for me to fall into my old life style at a drop of a hat!  I don’t let people very close to me, until i am pulling away into my seclusion that feels like home to me.

Thought that was all behind me.  Only to wake up recently and realize I live there again…

God is once again turning my heart, my life upside down and inside out, for my own good, and to bring HIM glory. Is it painful..yes.  Acceptance and affirmation have become idols, and they need to go…strange that when they let me down (and of course they will) my emotions become upset with God. Realize this now… I need to spend time in the word every day, and i need to listen to good praise music, i need to spend time in conversation with HIM…these are only my convictions, i don’t expect them to be yours.  My scars have been reopened, and wounds can only be healed HIS wounds, and who i am can only be found in HIM.

Its going to be worth it, and i have to believe that.

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Filed under Acceptance, Affirmation, bondage, convictions, dying to self, God, heart condition, Idolatry, idols, lack of life, life, painful, princess entries, seclusion, wounds

Surprised! its a trust issue

sometimes God uses the element of surprise to get straight to my heart, and been asking for that for sometime…a heart change.

on sunday our church played a clip with a guy speaking of his childhood, father murdered, mother suicide, and how he is today, still messed up (in my opinion) but learning to hold on to God and accept HIS plan for him. tough stuff…

of course the element of surprise hit quite a few notes in my heart…the enemy raced in to be his ignorant self.  didn’t hear too much of the service after that, but my emotions and thoughts seemed to go nuts!  while i fought to keep my mind focused, the LORD just spoke into my chaotic heart…soft and firm..”you don’t trust me”…that revelation that is mild in comparison of what others hear…was devastating to me.  you see i want to trust HIM, i know longer want to understand the past, and for long periods of time i am believing that i trust HIM.  Just a video of someone i didn’t even know, and just the words murder, suicide..disappointed at that moment that everything in my reacted so differently from what i believe.

God is walking this out with me…i understand Soveriegnty, i understand LOVE, but somehow my mind needs to grasp that HE is all of HIS attributes at once…the enemy needs shut out once and for all, and my trust in HIM should not be so easily shaken.

so today i rejoice in the fact that- i asked HIM to help my unbelief, i know that alot of areas where i fall down at is a result of unbelief…battled for months with where and why do i have this…and now i know…i don’t trust him with everything..do you? how do you do that? are you for real or just giving me the sunday school version because you know that? i know that too..then there is a heart connect, where words and actions should become one and the same..

asked God recently to spare anothers heart, and pleaded with HIM, to want to …odd huh?  and with in 45 minutes a phone call told me, the miraculous had happened in that persons life….again the soft voice…”princess trust me”

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Filed under finger of God, God, healing, heart, heart condition, hope, insecurity, life, Love, princess entries, trust