Wearing His Ring

Struggling for a year. Struggling with what it means – “God is husband to the widow”. I am fully aware that He does not interpret things as I do, and His ways are higher than mine, and so on. I know the theology.  But what does that mean to me; a girl, lost without her soulmate, a mother who desperately wants to continue to point her children to what is eternal and not temperal, working harder than ever?

One year ago, God spoke to me. “I will be your husband , I will take care of you, this is bigger than you know, believe me”.  He has taken care of me, life is hard but it continues to come together. Blessed in the midst of heart ache.

Pondering:

-Grieving does not require anyone to fix me, I am not that kind of broken.

-climbing up on His lap, and holding on, hiding in Him, is my comfort.

-He gives me what I need, a job with amazing people, a free place to take my children to get away. (that is the nicest place i have ever stayed.) Money to live and meet my responsibilities.

-He gives me what thrills my heart.  A spectacular sunset, a bird singing, sunshine, warm temperature in the middle of the frozen east coast.

How does all this tie together? He is the lover of my soul. His bride is in pain, her heart breaks over and over. He promises to dry every tear, but first there must be tears to dry. We are promised victory, but first there is a battle.

Today I found a ring, that fits like it was made for me, instant love for this ring. Decided I will wear it, and remember He is my husband, and we are not home yet. This is all part of Kingdom living…

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But I want! Psalm 23:1

Psalm 23:1  The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need. (NLT)

Psalm 23:1  The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. (NIV)

Psalm 23:1  The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want. (KJV)(NASB)(ESV)

(Strongs H2637 “i shall not want”  to lack, be without, decrease, be lacking, have a need)

As a child, I was taught everything from the KJV.   Being a child, I was at the mercy of my teachers to grasp application.  “I shall not want” came across to me as a command, instead a statement of faith to the goodness of God our provider, our Creator.

When I was a small child, memorizing the 23rd Psalm, was applauded. In my head, I could not get past “I shall not want”.  I wanted! There was no way to verbalize that at the time, and at any effort, the feeling of condemnation, guilt for wanting/needing paralyzed me.  It took me on a path of “not measuring up”, “not being what I was told to be by God”. This was truly my beginning of believing that God had not chosen me…you see…I needed, and I wanted…and it said.. “I shall not want”.

While looking over this with fresh thinking and seeing it all today in the Light of what I know to be true…its meaning is the faith that God will provide all that I need and give me the desires of my heart, as it falls together with HIS plan for me.  God wants us to give HIM our needs, and our wants, and HE loves us, all the while knowing how HE has planned to provide.  I was not a bad unwanted child in HIS eyes for needing, I was already chosen before the foundations of the earth were spoken into existence.

Wondering how many children, recite this, and are not taught to see the relationship? My God, My Shepherd…who keeps HIS eyes on me, doesn’t let me ever fall so far that HE can not reach me…knows when i need…then provides, sooo that “I shall not want”.