Struggling for a year. Struggling with what it means – “God is husband to the widow”. I am fully aware that He does not interpret things as I do, and His ways are higher than mine, and so on. I know the theology. But what does that mean to me; a girl, lost without her soulmate, a mother who desperately wants to continue to point her children to what is eternal and not temperal, working harder than ever?
One year ago, God spoke to me. “I will be your husband , I will take care of you, this is bigger than you know, believe me”. He has taken care of me, life is hard but it continues to come together. Blessed in the midst of heart ache.
-Grieving does not require anyone to fix me, I am not that kind of broken.
-climbing up on His lap, and holding on, hiding in Him, is my comfort.
-He gives me what I need, a job with amazing people, a free place to take my children to get away. (that is the nicest place i have ever stayed.) Money to live and meet my responsibilities.
-He gives me what thrills my heart. A spectacular sunset, a bird singing, sunshine, warm temperature in the middle of the frozen east coast.
How does all this tie together? He is the lover of my soul. His bride is in pain, her heart breaks over and over. He promises to dry every tear, but first there must be tears to dry. We are promised victory, but first there is a battle.
Today I found a ring, that fits like it was made for me, instant love for this ring. Decided I will wear it, and remember He is my husband, and we are not home yet. This is all part of Kingdom living…
Filed under battles, believe, Blessed, God's plan, healing, hope, Kingdom living, life, loss, ponderisms, presence of God, princess entries, provision, relationship
Next Chapter…New job, new interests, new people…its not as scary as I thought. You know, Letting go and taking life as it comes? Sure I have to work at it, but overall its all good!
Accepting that everything is what it is.
This is not my home.
Don’t know where this life is going, just glad that its moving forward.
Believing that God is placing the ones in my life that are supposed to be in it.
Loving the laughter, conversations, and heart to heart authenticity.
Not sure what tomorrow brings, but today, my heart is happy.
Do you know what relationship really is? and do you have any? Unfortunately, not too many really do, and the next generation even less, and the teens today are lacking it, and their behavior is showing it.
GOD wired us for relationship….
HE wired us to feel physical touch,
HE wired us to feel loved,
HE wired us to hear kind words, soft voices, friendly eyes looking back at us.
I love modern technology! Can’t wait to see what comes out next! But our culture today is very deceptive in the way it tears the relationship away. NOT saying that good things are not happening as well. But how about the people physically close to us?
Teen on my bus…”my mom texts me too much, and i follow her on twitter, i run out of things to talk to her about”. Me: ” so what do you do when you get home?” teen: stay mostly in my room, homework, facebook, twitter…mostly bored”. we have become a culture more and more of short messages, we don’t even spell correctly anymore, and we forget to touch, to laugh, to slow down, have conversation that does not include technology. Scary…the enemy will take something that is good and use it against us if we are not careful.
Relationships take time, the need to experience each other is necessary. Time spent together is necessary. I know..We have it undercontrol. or do we? What are a children learning from us as we move through this technology era..how are they applying what they see?
I am no longer surprised that believers in Jesus Christ, do not believe in a personal relationship with HIM, we live in an age where relationship is disposable, and as easy as click to rid a person from your following. I guess the enemy has done his homework, and praying that the body of Christ will do theirs..literally.
AGAIN..i am not knocking twitter, facebook, or any other technology…please don’t allow those things to be your only relationships, and God the Father, Son, Holy Spirit are not on these things..they are sitting beside you..waiting for relationship.
What in your own definition is relationship? How does one come into a deeper relationship with anyone?
Filed under distraction, Facebook, God, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Kingdom living, life, open conversation, ponderisms, princess entries, relationship, twitter
Just came from my friend Gracie’s blog, and she inspired this in me. (click the link and see if that post doesn’t move your heart..thats God calling..definintely)
So often we forget what God means when HE tells us to love. So often we pick and choose what that love should look like in us. While reading her blog I thought of a song that said “Jesus said to love like him, then HE died for me…can i be like my Jesus” (from My Jesus, by Todd Agnew)
While pondering on this…it all comes down to know HIM, loving HIM, and understanding that there is nothing we can do to earn HIS love, and if we got what we are entitled…to put it bluntly..we would get Hell an eternal seperation from our Holy God.
My love for HIM is rekindled pondering on who HE is. HE doesn’t need us or anything we can do, HE wants us…the ONLY unchanging ONE
The Only unchanging One, by Todd Agnew
Filed under Amazement, Beautiful, blessings, conversing with God, encouragement, God, Grace, hope, Jesus, Kingdom living, Love, Only One God, Only ONE Gospel, ponderisms, princess entries, relationship, Todd Agnew, unchanging, video
God loves me so much that he will not allow anything to stand in the way of a relationship with me, His love is everlasting and faithful…I don’t know if that does anything for you, but it does alot for my heart.
I am on a journey to return, and become closer with my King, and it always starts with HIS love…it truly is amazing…
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.
I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Filed under believe, encouragement, Faithfulness, God, Kingdom living, life, Love, princess entries, relationship, romance, scripture
Psalm 23:1 The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need. (NLT)
Psalm 23:1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. (NIV)
Psalm 23:1 The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want. (KJV)(NASB)(ESV)
(Strongs H2637 “i shall not want” to lack, be without, decrease, be lacking, have a need)
As a child, I was taught everything from the KJV. Being a child, I was at the mercy of my teachers to grasp application. “I shall not want” came across to me as a command, instead a statement of faith to the goodness of God our provider, our Creator.
When I was a small child, memorizing the 23rd Psalm, was applauded. In my head, I could not get past “I shall not want”. I wanted! There was no way to verbalize that at the time, and at any effort, the feeling of condemnation, guilt for wanting/needing paralyzed me. It took me on a path of “not measuring up”, “not being what I was told to be by God”. This was truly my beginning of believing that God had not chosen me…you see…I needed, and I wanted…and it said.. “I shall not want”.
While looking over this with fresh thinking and seeing it all today in the Light of what I know to be true…its meaning is the faith that God will provide all that I need and give me the desires of my heart, as it falls together with HIS plan for me. God wants us to give HIM our needs, and our wants, and HE loves us, all the while knowing how HE has planned to provide. I was not a bad unwanted child in HIS eyes for needing, I was already chosen before the foundations of the earth were spoken into existence.
Wondering how many children, recite this, and are not taught to see the relationship? My God, My Shepherd…who keeps HIS eyes on me, doesn’t let me ever fall so far that HE can not reach me…knows when i need…then provides, sooo that “I shall not want”.
Filed under Bible, faith, God, Grace, hope, Kingdom living, Legalism, life, Love, needy, ponderisms, princess entries, provision, relationship
Feeling jaded…struggling with what i thought to be my faith, only to find out religion has caused me much grief. Its taken me far from my Creator, and even caused much turmoil in my spirit. For the last 10 years or so…all I really wanted was to be accepted by a people who had rejected me. Oh I knew how to do it this time…I knew what to say, I knew how to look, and was brushing up on my theology. Accepted I was. Let down, and confused I became. I am accepted in Christ, and that is enough for me.
Coming back from the pit that I lived in most my life, had changed me. I developed the beginning of a relationship with my Creator, and the one place that I thought would rejoice with me, and help me to grow..did not…jaded…
It felt so good to be accepted with them…but my heart grew tired, confused, easily agitated..for the last two years, I wonder why? I’ve been called “Critical”, “unloving”. In all my questions, answers like this “you are judging the body of Christ, and bad things will happen to you”…the politics of religion…legalism…do it like this…look like this…don’t talk so much about relationship, its not teachable…
After spending what seems like an endless amount of time…asking God over and over…”why can’t i get back to where we were in this relationship? I miss you.”
There is no room for religion in this Relationship! Great! but that is scary in itself. Learning to let go of my religion, in order to grasp the relationship.
I am going to start posting my fresh new look at scripture that I have memorized, and go deeper with the Lord, in the way they apply to me… Believing God and making it a life style is not a religion, its a relationship.
Filed under believe, God, hope, Kingdom living, Legalism, life, presence of God, princess entries, random thoughts, relationship, religion