When I was a little girl in third grade, our house burned down along with 9 other row houses. Ours was in the middle of the nine and we lost everything. My brother started the fire, deliberately hoping to kill my step-father(who really is a saint!). No one died, just six months of rebuilding, and being seperated as a family. There were five kids in my family, and we all stayed with someone different. I was sick the night of the fire, and my brother saved me (always hits kind of strange as he started it). But the next day, we found out that I had “old fashioned type” measles, the kind your infants are innoculated for, I guess mine didn’t work. I had to stay with my Step Grandmother for one week in a dark room to keep the measles from taking my eye sight. It doesn’t sound like a bad deal, but she was so mean to me. She wasn’t happy that she inherited 4 grandchildren, and was sure I was going to steal from her. Mostly I was just terrified of her. After the abuse my Dad inflicted on my family, my step dad was a saint to take us all and keep us. His mom did not feel the same, and was very open about it. I was only there for 10 days, and my aunt came to get me, and I stayed with her very old parents the remainder of the 6 months. It was a very long six months…My mom was at my step Grandmothers, but us kids were not allowed to stay, so we all lived somewhere different.
This weekend she died. My Step dad always witnessed to her, and hoped that she truly did accept the Lord. As a believer, I prayed for her, but in all honesty, I am numb. I don’t feel anything about her being gone. I am not angry, yet I am not grieving either. Wondering if this is normal?
Many years the Lord has been working on me in the area of forgiveness, and each and every time I learn to forgive through HIS power. I believe I did forgive her along time ago, but our relationship was never restored. Mostly because we never had one.
I pray that she was open to the LORD before she left here. I hurt for my Step Dad who is still at the loss of his mother. But most of all, I wonder if the past will ever stop showing up to throw dark clouds on us, causing us to stumble. Be patient with ones who have an abusive past, the devil uses it against us, over and over and over…and if they admit to one abuse, I believe there were many more..abuse has a cycle..much damage is done to heart that has been abused…more than we want to look at, or admit to.
Thank you God for delivering us…we were not created to be mistreated, but to give you Glory..YOU are the GOD of my yesterday, today, and no doubt of my tomorrows…Let you Glory shine in these times…don’t allow it to be for no reason…
ponderings of a princess... 