Category Archives: heavy heart

Protected: I was wrong

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Filed under Authenticity, battles, convictions, follow, forgive, Grace, heart condition, heavy heart, Jesus, journey, life, loss, mercy, princess entries

What’s The Point?

Observation:

People generally say anything that they think you want to hear. It’s not helpful.

People generally have their own desires in front of any repercussions it may cost another. Its awful.

People spend most of their life working for more money to better their life, while destroying relationships. Its painful.

People will hate another all while preaching love. It hurts.

Realism:

We push hard to just make it through the week, and lick our wounds in private. Its hard.

We try to be honest with others. Its brutal.

We deal with manipulators who are pleasing their own twisted agenda. Its sickening.

Don’t trust people. Don’t trust your heart. Its deceiving.

So, what’s the point? Why are we pushing so hard, there is no promise that the other side of this is any better.

Why allow anyone in to the closed part of your soul, your deepest thoughts? They will not honor them.

I don’t know what the point is.  I am not sure why I do this every day.  But I know I screwed up.  I looked to someone else and put my trust out there, and it was disastrous. An already trashed heart, smashed a little more.

God is the only one who knows “whats the point”, wondering if he will tell me.

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Filed under heavy heart, journey, lack of life, life, mourning, my brain, painful, struggles, trust, wounds

Safe Walls?

My heart is heavy with the word “safe”.  I have been hearing it more often, seems we all just want to be safe.  We seem to have our reasons for that. Are we tearing down one wall, just to build another?

God is not safe, He’s good.  So do we trust Him that He has everything under control, or do we continue to take the safer road?  Americans are most guilty of this.  Outreach in the community is God’s work.  Are we really to tell Him, we choose to use a social services so that we can help people who are safe by our standards?  Do we really tell worship leaders how to plan according to what we think is most productive to a heart? Or do we believe that God is still the only one saving a heart?

Worship leaders are praying about what God wants in their services, God still knows best.

My life was filled with abuse, so yes I do know what I am talking about.  I just don’t choose to label myself as such. Why? Because God has freed me, my past no longer defines me.  Was there some magic, or certain worship, maybe a special book that brought me to this place? NO! It was God, and spending time with Him, asking Him all the tough questions, letting Him walk me through each day, teaching me to make different choices, Loving me through my pain.

I had to learn to forgive, I had no idea how easy it was, that choosing God’s way would be all I needed.  The burden lifted the second I choose to truly give it to God, and allow Him to handle things.  Submission to Him was nothing like the world had taught me.  It was more like laying back in the arms of the one who truly loved me. It was not a bitter hard thing to swallow.

The world labels everything.  But they have not been introduced correctly to us.  We are God’s children, beloved, free, Kingdom living and not at all elite.

Is following God safe by the worlds standards? No…but we are not of the world.  Where is our sense of adventure? desire? it may be caught up in a trust issue…Believe God that He is capable of anything this world may throw at us…HE got this! safe no..good yes

Lets’s not tear down one wall to build another…we just need to believe God and not just believe there is an God.

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Filed under Abiding, abused, believe, deliverance, encouragement, faith, freedom, God, heavy heart, hope, Kingdom living, Know HIM, life, overcome, safe place, trust, worship

Beach bound

Life has been rushing me…i hate that.  But when the curse of this world starts to be over bearing…i have always run to the water…love it!  the coolest part is… God’s small voice always seems clearer to me there…so off we go…staying a week…totally unplugged

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Filed under beach, God, healing, heavy heart, intentional, Kingdom living, life, Peace, presence of God, princess entries

Looking for some closure…

I have a dear friend who has been the wind under my wings for the last 3 1/2 years. Not only was her blog named “Deborah’s Encouragement”, but she truly was an encouragement to me, even in her rough times.  I just love her.  Now you must know that i never physically met her, instant messaged with her, skyped with her, emailed, Facebooked and twittered and blogged.  Even if she only left a small message that said “love you dolla”, i knew she meant it with all her heart.

Her womens ministries was the most authentic, down to earth, heart to heart i ever experienced.  She was not a missionary in South Africa, but a resident.  She not only experienced rough times raising her children but shared them as well, for us to pray for her, and to know that Jesus hasn’t promised us a life with out trial, but promised to be with us.

Last weekend I learned from her very sweet sister that my dolla-Deborah is now with Jesus.  Her husband came home one night and shot her in her sleep, then himself. He died immediately, and she died the next day.  She is survived by a daughter who is married and a grandchild, another daughter who lived at home, and a son.

Honestly, I cannot imagine any of them going through ilfe without her…they were her DOLLAs…as i know the pain of suicide in my own life, i plead with God for mercy on her children at this time, to comfort them, to give them peace, to help them sleep, to help them eat, to help them not to fall to the schemes of the enemy…and for the life of me i will not ever understand why someone would do this…but Dear Jesus help us to forgive.

If you have time or would just like to experience her check out her blog…my favorite posts of hers are “One high heel, one slipper”  .   She will be greatly missed around the world

UPDATE: new information is showing that this is NOT a suicide/murder…it is a murder with  a possible three shooters.

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Filed under closure, Deborah Meyer, forgive, heavy heart, mourning, murder, suicide