Sex, drugs, and rock n roll

Just kidding ! Well rock n roll still lives here! Randomness is on.. You’ve been warned!

Life is new. I’m awake, taking in all that’s new with hope of a new beginning.  Feeling random. It’s been a long time since a good random rambling! Here we go, hold on….

Ever meet someone and there eyes are incredible and sparkly. Lol yes I did stare! Beautiful blue sparkly eyes! 

Ever randomly decide to buy coffee and go to the river? Yes, I do that.

Ever break 

Keep losing my post… Dang iPhone! I really need to get my Mac fixed..

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Broken Kingdom Living

Broken world, Broken people, Broken promises.

Believing that I may have to be broken to see how very broke the world is, and God’s children are.

The beauty in the brokeness is heightened. Senses are stronger, and compassion is easy to feel and extend. No tolerance for those  misleading others.  Reaching out to help another stand when crawling is what you are doing. This is Kingdom living,

Somewhere thru the years, we have been taught that Christians are together people, nothing bad happens to them, and if it does they are being punished. No truth in that! They wear phony smiles, and have condemning eyes. They think that being an odd people means to button the top button, and have no sense of style, to stand out in fashion. Oh but it should be to stand out in Heart! Being a Christ follower is a heart change, that is odd to the world. Love should fill your eyes, and compassion is a normal reaction.

We walk thru our pains, and struggles. None of us perfect. No one has it all figured out. We live in a broken world, we are broken people.  This is Kingdom living. The Kingdom is here, and we are on a search and rescue mission. The power of God goes before us, and the love of Christ motivates us. We are not the elite, we are losers, screw ups. We don’t impress the elite crowd, and we don’t want to. We are beautiful chaotic messes. We are the bride of Christ. Kingdom living…willing to drown in pain to grab you out. Join me, stop the rituals, we have lots to do.

May God empower you, fill you with joy while hurting, give you love for the unlovely. May you have a dance in your step, a song on your lips, and a heart that sees the Kingdom working around, thru and in you. Step up, take your place…

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Wearing His Ring

Struggling for a year. Struggling with what it means – “God is husband to the widow”. I am fully aware that He does not interpret things as I do, and His ways are higher than mine, and so on. I know the theology.  But what does that mean to me; a girl, lost without her soulmate, a mother who desperately wants to continue to point her children to what is eternal and not temperal, working harder than ever?

One year ago, God spoke to me. “I will be your husband , I will take care of you, this is bigger than you know, believe me”.  He has taken care of me, life is hard but it continues to come together. Blessed in the midst of heart ache.

Pondering:

-Grieving does not require anyone to fix me, I am not that kind of broken.

-climbing up on His lap, and holding on, hiding in Him, is my comfort.

-He gives me what I need, a job with amazing people, a free place to take my children to get away. (that is the nicest place i have ever stayed.) Money to live and meet my responsibilities.

-He gives me what thrills my heart.  A spectacular sunset, a bird singing, sunshine, warm temperature in the middle of the frozen east coast.

How does all this tie together? He is the lover of my soul. His bride is in pain, her heart breaks over and over. He promises to dry every tear, but first there must be tears to dry. We are promised victory, but first there is a battle.

Today I found a ring, that fits like it was made for me, instant love for this ring. Decided I will wear it, and remember He is my husband, and we are not home yet. This is all part of Kingdom living…

IMG_0280

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Filed under battles, believe, Blessed, God's plan, healing, hope, Kingdom living, life, loss, ponderisms, presence of God, princess entries, provision, relationship

sunset calming

sunset calming

Healing comes in all shapes, sizes, colors. Oh Lord continue to heal and restore.

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January 31, 2014 · 7:42 PM

Scared-ummm yeah

God is always faithful, even when I am not.  I do not deserve his constant love and patience, it is very humbling to begin to understand Grace.  Drama has been cut from my life, and it is easier to focus and see daily living and making choices. Oh, I still have days of tears, and struggles with fear.  But I am learning…

Its okay to be scared, God doesn’t let go of me.

Life is okay, and God is the one that makes it that way.

Conversations with the Creator of the Universe is unexplainable.  Peace and comfort by the truckloads when ever I need it. But I do have to ask for it.

As far as I am from figuring this life all out, I know the One who already knows how it ends. Learning to trust Him.

HE reassures me that all I have been thru this last year, the ones who caused more grief will answer to Him, and the ones who have blessed my life will be blessed.

These are daily lessons. Lessons on a new level than I experienced before.

I am His beloved, and He is mine.  Definitely not how I saw my life at this age, but definitely more than I imagined this year.

Thank you for your prayers, and keep them coming….

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Filed under Acceptance, awareness, Change, family, healing, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, loss, Love, Next New Normal, ponderisms

My New Husband

When I lost my husband, God was very clear to me that He would now be my husband.  Didn’t understand all that meant then, still don’t.

I received a package of gifts before Christmas along with an envelope with $500.00 dollars, the exact amount I was short to finish this month.  Then I decided that I would use some of it to give to my children for Christmas. We had planned to not have Christmas.  They deserved Christmas, they are awesome, and its been a hard year for them as well.  No one knew I was short in my bills, no one knew my plan for my kids.  Another envelope comes, the exact amount of money I just put in cards for my kids. Just a note…from Jesus.

Recently, battling depression, working long hours, and holding my kids close to get them thru this, Crying every time I am alone to God.  Wondering what is this life for, what does it mean that you are my husband.  Missing someone who has rejected me with out reason, Missing the life I once had,  Then God provides financially.  I am grateful. Also feeling  guilty for my own selfish needs.  I wonder if God comes down and holds one, gives that physical touch, or a smile of approval.  I miss the human things,  Wonder if this is what it means to be his wife, why am I not more grateful to have the greatest one of all be my husband.  Still wondering what does that mean. Will He still protect me from all the elements that seem to be against me.   Grateful that He understands this post, and knows my heart.

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