Tag Archives: Hope

Sex, drugs, and rock n roll

Just kidding ! Well rock n roll still lives here! Randomness is on.. You’ve been warned!

Life is new. I’m awake, taking in all that’s new with hope of a new beginning.  Feeling random. It’s been a long time since a good random rambling! Here we go, hold on….

Ever meet someone and there eyes are incredible and sparkly. Lol yes I did stare! Beautiful blue sparkly eyes! 

Ever randomly decide to buy coffee and go to the river? Yes, I do that.

Ever break 

Keep losing my post… Dang iPhone! I really need to get my Mac fixed..

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Broken Kingdom Living

Broken world, Broken people, Broken promises.

Believing that I may have to be broken to see how very broke the world is, and God’s children are.

The beauty in the brokeness is heightened. Senses are stronger, and compassion is easy to feel and extend. No tolerance for those  misleading others.  Reaching out to help another stand when crawling is what you are doing. This is Kingdom living,

Somewhere thru the years, we have been taught that Christians are together people, nothing bad happens to them, and if it does they are being punished. No truth in that! They wear phony smiles, and have condemning eyes. They think that being an odd people means to button the top button, and have no sense of style, to stand out in fashion. Oh but it should be to stand out in Heart! Being a Christ follower is a heart change, that is odd to the world. Love should fill your eyes, and compassion is a normal reaction.

We walk thru our pains, and struggles. None of us perfect. No one has it all figured out. We live in a broken world, we are broken people.  This is Kingdom living. The Kingdom is here, and we are on a search and rescue mission. The power of God goes before us, and the love of Christ motivates us. We are not the elite, we are losers, screw ups. We don’t impress the elite crowd, and we don’t want to. We are beautiful chaotic messes. We are the bride of Christ. Kingdom living…willing to drown in pain to grab you out. Join me, stop the rituals, we have lots to do.

May God empower you, fill you with joy while hurting, give you love for the unlovely. May you have a dance in your step, a song on your lips, and a heart that sees the Kingdom working around, thru and in you. Step up, take your place…

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Journeying Home

Long week of sorrows.  I realize it will be like a rollercoaster. But the ride is tiring.

Disgruntled. This life is exhausting to only bring me barely breathing.

Remembering all that I have in Christ, and feeling small in all of it.

Wondering why I long to feel like I am home, belonging, beautiful, secure.

I was created for all of it, this is just not my home, I belong to Heaven.

Its ok to feel all this.

Wanting to be found in Him, and grateful for all the beauty around me and the people who care about me.

Journeying to the place I was created for, Heaven is my home…

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Filed under Beautiful, healing, Heaven, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, mourning, princess entries, struggles

Backed in a Corner-Jump

Whenever a commitment is taken, in order to come closer or to follow God, HE immediately starts saying “Jump”! Terrified is an understatement! Life changes rapidly, and my skin doesn’t even feel comfortable.  The heat is turned up!  Pressure from every side. No other possible move in this. Jumping is the only option.  

So tomorrow I take a huge jump.  I do know HE will catch me, I do know HE has a plan, and I do know that HE loves me.  Looking for a new job, interviewing, money is a huge reason. But more reasons have surfaced that are more than just a little disturbing.

I have become vulnerable. I hate it.  Vulnerable has not been in my vocabulary.  Some have found ways to back me in a corner, and demand that I do things that are against everything I am…to keep my income. All while knowing they are taking advantage of a very bad situation. HE reminds me that vengeance is his, altho I really want a piece of it.

Some other things are pressing. All have become almost intolerable, since the comittment.

I take committments seriously, never take them lightly.

So I jump into the unknown, believing that no matter what there is an abundant life with my name on it. And I am going to claim it.

This is not my home, I belong to heaven.  Leaning like crazy and holding on with two hands. 

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NNN-Next New Normal

Wondering why sedation is the answer to grieving? It was more of a problem for me.  Maybe its my addictive personality, maybe it just wasn’t right for me.  

I refuse to take the sedation any more. 

Running straight into it with my eyes open…it has to be that way.

27 years ago I was here. Bad, no terrible devastating decisions, drugs, alcohol, and whatever gets you through the night. Reaching out for anything.

I learned the hard way, but I learned. There is no easy way out of here. So keep your head, move forward no matter what the pain feels like, be the overcomer you are created to be. If the need a rises to grab on to something, then grab a hold of the only One who loves us so deep, so high, so wide, so long. He is the only One who knows every detail of our life. 

Always for us, not against us.

Strong safe place to land.

Never gets tired of us, always wants more of us.

Next step in the New Normal; 

Believing the only One will not leave us in the desolate place, and will restore us to something beautiful, He is faithful and He does not lie, He has no darkside, and He doesn’t need us, He wants us….even in our messy broken lives…

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Sleeping Through the Storms ~ by TheNorEaster

After several days of trying to pull my thoughts into words this gentleman has done it for me. With His permission I am reposting this. For more of his writing, you can find him here

 

“Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples woke him up, shouting, ‘Lord, save us! We are going to drown!’

“Jesus responded, ‘Why are you so afraid? You have so little faith!’ Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.”

~Matthew 8:24-26 NLT

I get desperately exhausted every time I consider this passage. The miracle used to amaze me, but now something very different does: Jesus is sleeping.

Outside.

       


On a boat.

In the middle of a storm.

He has been serving God so diligently and so determinedly — and so passionately to the point of exhaustion — that the fierce winds and cold rains and frigid waves do not even phase Him as He sleeps.

He sleeps.
Finally, He sleeps.
At long last, He can get some rest.

I am amazed at the enormously immense burdens He must have carried that led Him to such a profound point of exhaustion. When I consider my own cross, it makes my head spin.

I’m tired.
All the time.
I’m so tired I’m just tired.

But, I can’t sleep through the storms. I see the winds and feel the rains. And my heart jumps every time the freezing waves wash over me. I can taste the salt in my sleep.

I sleep.
But, never rest.
My heart is just too heavy.

I know to be still and know. And I know to trust His sovereignty. That it will all work out in the grand scheme. And in the end. Greater good, and all that. All that.

But, the silence
of an impossible God
keeps up my heart restless.

The God who makes all things possible has created, to my own small mind, the impossible. And mine is a life so impossible I do not want to know what I know. Not anymore I don’t.

I can’t
even explain
what happened.

And while I always can find someone to listen, I know of no one who can understand, who has been where I am. Difficult to do, actually, since I do not even know where I am.

It’s a place
beyond broken, where
you drift in glorious defeat.

And it is a place where all arguments are absurd, every insult stems from the sin of pride, opinions are the nemesis of truth, and knowledge is completely meaningless.

And people who
do not understand
think you do not care.

And yet, you want so much to find some way to tell them that you do care, but the only words you can find to explain your defeat are that you don’t. That you don’t care.

Listen.
I do care.
All I do is care.

Ideals are the dreams of blind men. And I am just not a man consumed by the issues of the day. Nor am I the one to take up the cause of the moment. And I’ll tell you why.

Because
I am tired.
I’m so tired I’m just tired.

And I still can’t sleep through the storms. Instead, I am the man of the sea terrified by what I see. And I just want to wake Him up, to calm the storm so I can rest.

Yes, Lord,
I am terrified.
Please, let me rest.

 

 
 

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Filed under deliverance, faith, fear, God's plan, hope, insecurity, Kingdom living, life, NorEaster, princess entries

Don’t Think,… Surrender

(for whatever reason, this video will not post, but the link will take you to it, its only about 3 minutes long, you won’t regret losing those three minutes.)

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After watching this short video, tears flowed…I did not lose my way, I was not being removed. God knows the plans HE has for me, and He can and will use me.  God is faithful, and He is God, what we know is so little in comparison to what He will reveal.

The place I thought God was taking me is not the place I am in. That tends to be a place of confusion for me. Working through some health issues, or resting in them would be a better description, this video came in my email. Spoken thru the one who mentored me through videos and studies. I am exactly where He planned for me to be.  God does not make mistakes.

For many years, God whispered to me “Believe me”, “my ways are not your ways”.  Now I have a new minds picture of what today looks like.  Again, I wait on Him.  Asking, “what can I do for you in this place”?

The Word God has given me today…

“Stay close, breathe me in, be ready with the gospel, and rest in me. I alone sustain you.”

(my One word is Surrender this year, now I get it…)

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