Category Archives: unforgiveness

no forgiveness =no forgiveness

Matthew 6:14-15

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

WHOA!! Hold up! shoot! dang! This is God’s word, and I believe it is 100% TRUTH, and therefore must be taken to heart.  Some issues with some people are just so hard to forgive. So where does that leave me?? Unforgiveness =unforgiveness   

I can only speak for myself, but I am always in need for forgiveness.  When looking at all the forgiveness that the Father has so graciously given to me, I have nothing , no argument in covering my butt in unforgiveness! NONE!  So what is a person to do, when knowing this truth, and agreeing with it, and the heart is not working with the head?? 

Remembering that God can do all things, and I can do all things through HIM, I must bring this to the Father, and ask for HIS help in doing this, loving and forgiving someone you are crazy about it is not as difficult as loving and forgiving someone who is not crazy about me.  Yet, HIS word says  “love your enemies” (Matt. 5:44) This requires me to continually repent of unforgiveness, and submitting my heart to the LORD to make the necessary changes in it so that I can comply with HIS word.

Nothing works in my world, or makes sense if I don’t forgive. I have learned this lesson a long time ago, and now in need of the refresher.  God has no loop holes..LOVE! FORGIVE! just as HE is doing these things for me.  Hard lesson!! hope to get it this time  

How about you, ever found yourself just not wanting to forgive, or how do you handle this? is it possible you all have this one figured out and never struggle with it?

18 Comments

Filed under believe, Bible, bitterness, forgiveness, God, life, obedience, Truth, unforgiveness

Down to the Bottom/Lifter of my head IV

(you can find the beginning of this story on the page listed the same as this title- thank you Ellen at Stormstories for your encouragement to day to tell this part.

Five years or so passed before I started to seriously date for relationship.  I just didn’t want a man around with all the drama that seemed to be part of that. My baby girl was my world.  I still partied but not extensively (so I felt that was acceptable), I did not party in front of my daughter, and men were not allowed to come to my home. That was our refuge from the world.

Eventually I gave in to a young man, a farmer(go head laugh, I know you want to). I was so desperate for something to be the way it should. (God was already working on my heart, I was tired of living under the curse)  Life seemed good for a while, and he had a son, so I took him in like my own.  Soon, he was drunk everyday, and missing work. It was nothing to come home and find the electric turned off, or all my food eaten by his drunken buddies who were now sleeping on my floor, at 4 in the afternoon.  He started to beat me when I was sleeping, (with good reason, I tore him up awake)for things that I later found out he was doing.  Long story short..I caught him with my best friend, so I lost them both the same day. I never felt pain like that of betrayal. And it felt like my heart had been cut out and left laying for me to look at.  By this time I have two girls and a son that is not mine.  I tried to work through it with him, and no friend…but it increasing got worse. My pain and his actions. He soon had several girlfriends, and told my girls to call me names. He did this in front of me, and it broke my heart even more to hear them call me names out of those precious little mouths.  This time my girls(71/2, 1) and his son(6) watched me push him through a door, and beat him til the police arrived. All charges were dropped. (Thank you Jesus)

My only friend left in the world worked with me, and saw me go through all this, broken ribs, tears that seemed they would not end.  This friend helped me move out while he was at work (another thank you Jesus for him going to work), and helped me set up a new place to live.  This friend was there for me, and seemed to have no motives other than he liked me, just like I was.  I had no idea that he would become the wonderful husband that I have today! (Again thank you Jesus)

I could not write this part of my story for a long time. I could not articulate exactly why. I had forgiven him, and I had moved on with Jesus Christ, I just couldn’t tell this part.  Recently, I was pulled into court to see him face to face over a support order that is now 14 years old. I never took full support, and only asked for 325 a month to cover the sitter expenses, no medical support, nothing else. It was raised to 425 a month 6 years ago by the state.  I totally fell apart knowing that I had to see him again. The rejection, and betrayal seemed to surface, and I needed Jesus to go with me.  Turned out he needed a favor, and for me to lower the support to keep him out of jail.  I asked him to sign her over to us and I would drop the support all together. Forgiving the debt and the one that was past due.  He agreed. 

I looked at this man, and knew that GOD had made such a change in my heart. I no longer looked at him with contempt, I looked at a broken man who needed Jesus. I told him that.  “Jesus is the only one who can fix your problems, and you should really take some time and talk to HIM, it’s working for me..” He shook his head thanked me, and said “who would’ve thunk”. 

God heals the hurts, HE binds up the wounds, and when it is most uncomfortable for me, HE has a plan that is worth following HIM into.  (My next entry to this will be my story of when I came to Christ and made a commitment, and How that changed everything,..truly lifting my head)

19 Comments

Filed under bitterness, blessings, deception, deliverance, family, forgiveness, freedom, God, Grace, healing, heart, Humility, Jesus, life, loss, Only One God, princess entries, restoration, storms, suffering, testimony, unfaithful, unforgiveness

Today will be hard…

Today will be hard unless I take the LORD with me, and that is my intention.  I have been courtordered to show up for a face to face meeting with one of my worst abusers.  He wants something from me, again.  He is courtordered to pay support for one of my daughters, and has never activated his right for visitation.(she hasn’t seen him since she was 2) She is 16 years old now, and wants desperately to have the same name as myself. Her daddy to her is the one that has always been here, and she loves him dearly.

My intention is to forgive this man his debt, although he is asking for lower support, I am willing to give him NO support.  But I do want him to sign her over to me once and for all.

God says to forgive, HE doesn’t give any exceptions.  HE just says do it.  In HIS power, I can do all things. So if you read this and feel it on your heart, say a prayer for me today.  It has been difficult the last few days to not fall into the pit of abuse, just knowing I must face him, and speak.  If you have ever been abused you know what I am dealing with, I really want to do what God would have me do, and I want to be a picture of Christ, even to him.  I don’t want to react with hostility, and get into physical fights, I want to respond with Jesus on my lips.

Although I feel that I have forgiven him a long time ago, there is still something there that plagues me or it wouldn’t have such an impact on me. Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for your prayers.

How do you define the word “Daddy”?

(I will post later on the outcome)

13 Comments

Filed under Christianity, forgiveness, God, healing, life, mercy, prayer, princess entries, Surrender, trust, unforgiveness