Category Archives: struggles

What’s The Point?

Observation:

People generally say anything that they think you want to hear. It’s not helpful.

People generally have their own desires in front of any repercussions it may cost another. Its awful.

People spend most of their life working for more money to better their life, while destroying relationships. Its painful.

People will hate another all while preaching love. It hurts.

Realism:

We push hard to just make it through the week, and lick our wounds in private. Its hard.

We try to be honest with others. Its brutal.

We deal with manipulators who are pleasing their own twisted agenda. Its sickening.

Don’t trust people. Don’t trust your heart. Its deceiving.

So, what’s the point? Why are we pushing so hard, there is no promise that the other side of this is any better.

Why allow anyone in to the closed part of your soul, your deepest thoughts? They will not honor them.

I don’t know what the point is.  I am not sure why I do this every day.  But I know I screwed up.  I looked to someone else and put my trust out there, and it was disastrous. An already trashed heart, smashed a little more.

God is the only one who knows “whats the point”, wondering if he will tell me.

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Filed under heavy heart, journey, lack of life, life, mourning, my brain, painful, struggles, trust, wounds

Journeying Home

Long week of sorrows.  I realize it will be like a rollercoaster. But the ride is tiring.

Disgruntled. This life is exhausting to only bring me barely breathing.

Remembering all that I have in Christ, and feeling small in all of it.

Wondering why I long to feel like I am home, belonging, beautiful, secure.

I was created for all of it, this is just not my home, I belong to Heaven.

Its ok to feel all this.

Wanting to be found in Him, and grateful for all the beauty around me and the people who care about me.

Journeying to the place I was created for, Heaven is my home…

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Filed under Beautiful, healing, Heaven, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, mourning, princess entries, struggles

My King, my healer…

Isaiah 57: 18,19(NLT)

18 I have seen what they do,
but I will heal them anyway!
I will lead them.
I will comfort those who mourn,

19 bringing words of praise to their lips.
May they have abundant peace, both near and far,”
says the Lord, who heals them.

 

So many questions, so many things on my mind, so many condemnations plaguing me.   God knows every single thing I’ve ever done, including the thoughts that were less than pleasing to Him. Standing in Awe of how HE works and leads me to exactly what I need to come to closer to Him. That has been my prayer, as well as the reason for my silence on FB/twitter.

HE brought me back to a study HE prompted me to dig into…still stuck and wondering and praying…”I know you want me to know this, I just can’t pull it together”.  Just the next day, I came across a study I worked through about 6 years ago. The title resonated with me, “Father, revive my heart…” So started working on that again…writing out my answers fresh and dating them, so i could see a difference in me from the time that past.  HE showed me how much I have grown through the years, and how much pride HE has already taken away from me (still a ways to go tho).

My original study, writing my own study, on the “Holy Spirit”. The second page of “revive my heart” .. “Holy Spirit”…Church today..”we are starting a new study “Holy Spirit”.   I absolutely love where He has led me to, and the way works to bring me closer…

HE knows what i did, and HE is going to heal me anyway! HE is going to lead me, and put HIS praise on my lips..I think I know how the woman at the well felt.

Resting tonight in His love for me, Knowing that healing is very close, believing that knowing HIM in God the Spirit is my missing link to pulling this faith walk together.  Last weekend, I heard HIM say “no FB”, I had to be obedient. This week, has been overwhelming in revelations, and causing me to rejoice and tremble at the same time.  My Holy, Supreme God is once again directing my steps…oh how HE loves..


 

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Filed under Abiding, Affirmation, believe, comfort, God, God's plan, healing, Holy Spirit, Kingdom living, Love, mourning, obedience, praise, princess entries, restoration, struggles

Abundant Grace- Day 2 Sacrifice

Ahhhhh! did this one hit a few nerves for you? It certainly hit a few with me.

(Genesis 22:1-18 )  When I read this, the questions started to roll around.  I know God has called me out many times to lay my “Isaac” down on HIS altar, and surrender that person/things to HIM. At times it felt like HE was ripping my heart out, and thru the tears, I realized there was no other choice.  Abraham knew and believed that he would walk away from that mountain with his son…even if it meant God would raise him from the dead! I have often wondered why this “test”? what was it Abram was to learn, it seemed like he already had it all figured out?  And surely, God being all knowing, already knew that Abram would choose obedience..so why?

Job 1:6-12 show a different testing..but is definitely called out as testing.  Without going to far off track, the reason for the testing was due to the unseen heavenlies, the enemy/accuser/Satan..

I just want to add that we are unaware of the war in the heavenlies, when we have been accused.  I do know that God will not allow the enemy to have his way without God turning it out for the good.  So altho this is just a theory….I have learned from this story, multiple times.

Obedience, trust, surrendering the most dear thing to my heart, learning that HIS sovereignty is something to be acknowledge!

I have always admired Abram for his faith…

What does this reading stir in you? It has certainly stirred my heart and thinking…

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Filed under obedience, princess entries, struggles, Summer Break, testing, trust

addiction-an uphill battle…

wondering if you know…

battling with self injury or any type of addiction is…

an uphill battle

in the dark

w/rough terrain

stumbling, falling

getting back up

requires incredible determination

a little encouragement daily

God is capable and willing to deliver us…HE is also…at times…interested in seeing us fight the thing out, and believe that it will be worth it when we reach the top…if you know somesome struggling with this, and you know they are a new believer…

Showing them their failures and scripture to back that up is not helping…encourage them to keep trying, admit that the climb is tough, remind them that God has not given up on them, and HE is not sick of them and their falling…HE loves them, and is teaching them more of who HE is and who they are to HIM…

Look what HE taught Joshua and the Isrealites in Joshua 9-10….amazing they found their selves in a place, due to someone elses sin…and stumbling and mumbling they did…and the Glory of God they saw!

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Filed under addiction, battles, Bible, drugs, encouragement, Glory of God, God, hope, Kingdom living, life, princess entries, random thoughts, self-injury, struggles