Wow! haven’t been here for a long time….
Not sure where to start, but knowing I need to …
God called my soul mate home, unexpectedly.
God spoke to me minutes before…” this is bigger than you know, I will take care of you, I am your husband”
It didn’t stop the pain from being the worst ever.
It did help me to draw closer to Him.
He did provide through others, some who know me, some who do not.
We are financially making it, month to month, all by the Grace of God.
Several times a day, its as easy as “touch this pain and stop it, get me through this day”
Immediately the pain eases, and daily normal living continues.
I don’t know the war in the heavenlies, but I know its there.
We all feel it through the day…the enemy is ruthless.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Don’t know what our new normal will look like, but we are hopeful that God restores as well as faithful.
“Indeed, every good and perfect thing that has ever come into our lives has come as a gift to us from God Himself. It did not bubble up like crude oil from this earth. It flowed down like rain from the riverbanks of Heaven. It was intentional. It was personal. Yet we see ourselves at the mercy of random events, abilities, and coincidences.”-Beth Moore
It is way too easy to lose focus. Wars around the world, the news with so many things to tear your security away from you. Health issues. Yet, we have this…
Our Almighty God, King of kings, Supreme and Sovereign yet Loving and Compassionate. Creator of the universe, including us. Every thing strategically placed in His plan, blessings and cursings. He doesn’t need us, He wants us. He sings over us and keeps watch while we sleep, everything to bring us closer to Him. His glory will shine, with or without us, but what an honor to shine His glory. He has done everything to give us a way to be with Him.
The last six months have been difficult with my health. Changing medicine, trying to understand what is going on with my body, trying not to be angry and bitter. This week, while surrending to “this must be what you have for me”, He showed me something miraculous! My doctors did not share with me the danger of being removed from one medication to another. My Pharmacist put something in my bag, that was just the dangers of leaving that medication, honestly I felt most of those side effects that should have been treated. In my ignorance of all of this, I just rode it out. Some nights I just prayed to sustain me. I am past the six months of danger, still weak, still having issues with the heat and humidity. This will take a year, but I have not used anything other than my allergy-asthma medication.
I felt the hug from Him, the reassurance that He has been giving me everything I need to live, the love of a Father (who truly can fix anything).
This is personal, He can do anything, He acts on our behalf without asking for the things we need, He already knows and is already doing it.
He is still in control, nothing that is going on in the world or our communities is shocking Him. Focus on Him, and the greatest gift of all, His never ending love. Loving us so much as to make that bridge (Jesus) so we would not be apart from Him. Beautiful.
Filed under Abiding, Beautiful, Beth Moore, encouragement, finger of God, Focus, Glory of God, God, God's plan, gratefulness, hope, Kingdom living, life, princess entries, Security
For the last 4.5 months I have been transporting 7 boys to an Alternate Education, similar to Juvenile/school. They have been kicked out of school. The youngest was in 9th grade, the oldest in 11th. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. They are with me an 1.25 hours each way. I heard lots of discouraging things about these boys. But I took the keys, and decided…if God brings me to it, God will see me thru it.
It took a short time for us to get a mutual understanding that this is what it is. I explained to them I will respect them, they need to respect me. They are capable of being sour little goofballs, and then just kids with sweet hearts. So I named them “sour patch kids”.
They are aware I call them that, and they like it! hahaha On fridays, I throw them bags of Sour Patch Kids. They call me “busdriver”, “sic”, “legit”….on most days they say good morning, and have a good day…thats alot for these boys. I have not had any problems with them. I try to be intentional always, a smile, use their name, try to be a safe person to be with. Funny, that is on my heart with them, when others see them as the unsafe. Altho I can not speak of my belief system to them, I believe that kindness and repect will linger. God’s kindness leads us to repentance.
Yummmmm sour patch kids…. Jesus loves them too.
No walls this time, but definitely a fork in the road. One is a little rocky, and not too pleasant to the eye, but the other is closed. So I am taking the only road I can. Maybe its just the “unknown” factor that makes this new road less appealing….
I have allergies. They cripple my lifestyle to an extent. I have to be careful how much time I spend outside, My AC runs constantly to filter the allergens in my home. There is no medication that brings me 100% relief. The medication I do take is the same as a car payment every month.
God has blessed me with a job that works with all this. No weekends, and no summers, unless I feel up to a day here or there.
Why am I sharing this? I really don’t want to. I keep it to myself and try to be as healthy as I can. My allergies are getting worse. They cause me to have sinus migranes, and literally make me sick. My symptoms are heart pounding, shortness of breath, head pounding, and stomach turning. I have no warning when that will happen, and whatever plans I may have made come to an immediate halt. Overall, when telling someone that I can not participate in an activity, I get the “look”. I have become a person that many can not count on. Its heart breaking, and disappointing to say the least. Tiring in trying to explain.
After struggling with all this means to my life, and having lots of conversations with God on this matter, I am believing that He wants something else from me. Outreach can come to my door, and He has shown me that. I don’t know where all this is going…don’t know if I am supposed to return to writing. But I do know that my family is a gift from God. I want to use my energies in being a good wife, and a good mom, and the best Mimi I can be.
I do love my church, and I get there as often as I can. Opening a new chapter to my life….
Priorities, Changes, Oh my! So glad God knows what He is doing, I am just going to rest in HIM.
Filed under Allergies, family, God's plan, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, Medicinal, outreach, Peace, ponderisms, princess entries
Ten years ago, God woke me up at 3 in the morning, and spoke to my heart very clearly. He said “my bride is in bondage, she is asleep in it, wake her up, she must get ready. Believe me” I know now that I did not fully understand. I assumed it was about me. Bondage seemed to be my middle name. I believed that the past some how molded me, and destroyed my future. So living was more of doing with what I have.
A few months later, I received a free ticket for a Beth Moore conference “Hearts set free”. I didn’t know who she was, but I like free! and I knew in my heart, my own bondage needed to be resolved so that I could get ready and be wakened up. She came on the stage, the very first words out of her mouth “God’s bride is in bondage, she is asleep and must wake up, she needs to get ready! Oh dear ones, God wants you to believe HIM.” She now had my undivided attention!
Over the years, I have learned to believe Him more, but there is always more to believe Him for. Trust is an issue. Abuse has taken a toll on many hearts, not just mine. Knowing Him, is to believe Him. He is believable! After studying through the Old Testament, God is trustworthy, 100% Truth, focused on his plan, and no one can defer Him. Our actions do not change His thinking or His work.
After we went through some things as a family, I seemed to have forgotten to just simply believe God. I am doing this again. My heart is reaching out to the abused, and asking “please believe Him”. Forgiveness is not a feeling its a choice. Choose it, even if you need to do it several times a day, God is strong enough to make it a heart thing for you, through your obedience to forgive. It doesn’t have to be a one on one with the abuser, it just needs to be between you and God. This will free your heart.
Don’t you want to feel peace again? Or maybe feel peace for the first time? Lay it all at the feet of God, He wants so much more for you than the life you live, HE wants your heart to be free. He wants to take the bad and make it good. He did not create you for the life you had, or chains that wrap your heart. The church can not fix this for you, only God can fix His own creation.
You are beautiful to Him, He rejoices that you are even thinking about Him. Don’t wait…Go to Him now..He’s patiently waiting for you…Believe Him.
Filed under abused, Acceptance, believe, Beth Moore, bondage, forgive, God, heart, heart condition, hope, Kingdom living, Know HIM, life, obedience, overcome, Peace, princess entries
God has a plan, and we just need to surrender to it. God is still God, and His plan is still in motion, with or without our surrender. I think at times we forget this. We are the created, and He is the Creator. Everything moves along His timeline. So many things happen that we just don’t understand. Maybe we are not supposed too.
God asks us to rest in Him, to accept the gifts He has already given to us.
*Adoption into His family
If we (I) truly believed God, these things would flow out and saturate those around us…24/7
This year, I want to believe God more than ever before….
Filed under believe, Blessed, encouragement, forgiveness, gifts, God, God's plan, hope, Joy, Kingdom living, life, Love, mercy, Peace, princess entries, redemption, Security, Surrender, trust