Category Archives: painful

What’s The Point?

Observation:

People generally say anything that they think you want to hear. It’s not helpful.

People generally have their own desires in front of any repercussions it may cost another. Its awful.

People spend most of their life working for more money to better their life, while destroying relationships. Its painful.

People will hate another all while preaching love. It hurts.

Realism:

We push hard to just make it through the week, and lick our wounds in private. Its hard.

We try to be honest with others. Its brutal.

We deal with manipulators who are pleasing their own twisted agenda. Its sickening.

Don’t trust people. Don’t trust your heart. Its deceiving.

So, what’s the point? Why are we pushing so hard, there is no promise that the other side of this is any better.

Why allow anyone in to the closed part of your soul, your deepest thoughts? They will not honor them.

I don’t know what the point is.  I am not sure why I do this every day.  But I know I screwed up.  I looked to someone else and put my trust out there, and it was disastrous. An already trashed heart, smashed a little more.

God is the only one who knows “whats the point”, wondering if he will tell me.

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Filed under heavy heart, journey, lack of life, life, mourning, my brain, painful, struggles, trust, wounds

Upside down, Inside out

remembering when God turned my world upside down and inside out for my good…remembering how unsettling at times that was…didn’t know at that time that God would have to do that to me over again….and who knows? maybe several more times in my life…

About eight years ago, the path i was on…nothing short of incredible…three years ago, a mentor led me into a pit that scarred me in ways no one will ever know, but God knows.  Since then, it seems to be very easy for me to fall into my old life style at a drop of a hat!  I don’t let people very close to me, until i am pulling away into my seclusion that feels like home to me.

Thought that was all behind me.  Only to wake up recently and realize I live there again…

God is once again turning my heart, my life upside down and inside out, for my own good, and to bring HIM glory. Is it painful..yes.  Acceptance and affirmation have become idols, and they need to go…strange that when they let me down (and of course they will) my emotions become upset with God. Realize this now… I need to spend time in the word every day, and i need to listen to good praise music, i need to spend time in conversation with HIM…these are only my convictions, i don’t expect them to be yours.  My scars have been reopened, and wounds can only be healed HIS wounds, and who i am can only be found in HIM.

Its going to be worth it, and i have to believe that.

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Filed under Acceptance, Affirmation, bondage, convictions, dying to self, God, heart condition, Idolatry, idols, lack of life, life, painful, princess entries, seclusion, wounds