Category Archives: mourning

What’s The Point?

Observation:

People generally say anything that they think you want to hear. It’s not helpful.

People generally have their own desires in front of any repercussions it may cost another. Its awful.

People spend most of their life working for more money to better their life, while destroying relationships. Its painful.

People will hate another all while preaching love. It hurts.

Realism:

We push hard to just make it through the week, and lick our wounds in private. Its hard.

We try to be honest with others. Its brutal.

We deal with manipulators who are pleasing their own twisted agenda. Its sickening.

Don’t trust people. Don’t trust your heart. Its deceiving.

So, what’s the point? Why are we pushing so hard, there is no promise that the other side of this is any better.

Why allow anyone in to the closed part of your soul, your deepest thoughts? They will not honor them.

I don’t know what the point is.  I am not sure why I do this every day.  But I know I screwed up.  I looked to someone else and put my trust out there, and it was disastrous. An already trashed heart, smashed a little more.

God is the only one who knows “whats the point”, wondering if he will tell me.

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Filed under heavy heart, journey, lack of life, life, mourning, my brain, painful, struggles, trust, wounds

Journeying Home

Long week of sorrows.  I realize it will be like a rollercoaster. But the ride is tiring.

Disgruntled. This life is exhausting to only bring me barely breathing.

Remembering all that I have in Christ, and feeling small in all of it.

Wondering why I long to feel like I am home, belonging, beautiful, secure.

I was created for all of it, this is just not my home, I belong to Heaven.

Its ok to feel all this.

Wanting to be found in Him, and grateful for all the beauty around me and the people who care about me.

Journeying to the place I was created for, Heaven is my home…

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Filed under Beautiful, healing, Heaven, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, mourning, princess entries, struggles

My King, my healer…

Isaiah 57: 18,19(NLT)

18 I have seen what they do,
but I will heal them anyway!
I will lead them.
I will comfort those who mourn,

19 bringing words of praise to their lips.
May they have abundant peace, both near and far,”
says the Lord, who heals them.

 

So many questions, so many things on my mind, so many condemnations plaguing me.   God knows every single thing I’ve ever done, including the thoughts that were less than pleasing to Him. Standing in Awe of how HE works and leads me to exactly what I need to come to closer to Him. That has been my prayer, as well as the reason for my silence on FB/twitter.

HE brought me back to a study HE prompted me to dig into…still stuck and wondering and praying…”I know you want me to know this, I just can’t pull it together”.  Just the next day, I came across a study I worked through about 6 years ago. The title resonated with me, “Father, revive my heart…” So started working on that again…writing out my answers fresh and dating them, so i could see a difference in me from the time that past.  HE showed me how much I have grown through the years, and how much pride HE has already taken away from me (still a ways to go tho).

My original study, writing my own study, on the “Holy Spirit”. The second page of “revive my heart” .. “Holy Spirit”…Church today..”we are starting a new study “Holy Spirit”.   I absolutely love where He has led me to, and the way works to bring me closer…

HE knows what i did, and HE is going to heal me anyway! HE is going to lead me, and put HIS praise on my lips..I think I know how the woman at the well felt.

Resting tonight in His love for me, Knowing that healing is very close, believing that knowing HIM in God the Spirit is my missing link to pulling this faith walk together.  Last weekend, I heard HIM say “no FB”, I had to be obedient. This week, has been overwhelming in revelations, and causing me to rejoice and tremble at the same time.  My Holy, Supreme God is once again directing my steps…oh how HE loves..


 

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Filed under Abiding, Affirmation, believe, comfort, God, God's plan, healing, Holy Spirit, Kingdom living, Love, mourning, obedience, praise, princess entries, restoration, struggles

Looking for some closure…

I have a dear friend who has been the wind under my wings for the last 3 1/2 years. Not only was her blog named “Deborah’s Encouragement”, but she truly was an encouragement to me, even in her rough times.  I just love her.  Now you must know that i never physically met her, instant messaged with her, skyped with her, emailed, Facebooked and twittered and blogged.  Even if she only left a small message that said “love you dolla”, i knew she meant it with all her heart.

Her womens ministries was the most authentic, down to earth, heart to heart i ever experienced.  She was not a missionary in South Africa, but a resident.  She not only experienced rough times raising her children but shared them as well, for us to pray for her, and to know that Jesus hasn’t promised us a life with out trial, but promised to be with us.

Last weekend I learned from her very sweet sister that my dolla-Deborah is now with Jesus.  Her husband came home one night and shot her in her sleep, then himself. He died immediately, and she died the next day.  She is survived by a daughter who is married and a grandchild, another daughter who lived at home, and a son.

Honestly, I cannot imagine any of them going through ilfe without her…they were her DOLLAs…as i know the pain of suicide in my own life, i plead with God for mercy on her children at this time, to comfort them, to give them peace, to help them sleep, to help them eat, to help them not to fall to the schemes of the enemy…and for the life of me i will not ever understand why someone would do this…but Dear Jesus help us to forgive.

If you have time or would just like to experience her check out her blog…my favorite posts of hers are “One high heel, one slipper”  .   She will be greatly missed around the world

UPDATE: new information is showing that this is NOT a suicide/murder…it is a murder with  a possible three shooters.

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Filed under closure, Deborah Meyer, forgive, heavy heart, mourning, murder, suicide