Category Archives: journey
Ever find yourself still, staring at a wall? Can’t get over it? Can’t get around it? not sure how you even ended up here?
Been looking and struggling with this wall for quite some time..days have turned to months, months are quickly turning to years…
The need to evaluate, and re-evaluate is imperative. The questions that come to mind are scary, and very transparent of the heart. I’ve been shamed for being at this wall, accused of some horrific sin, dismissed as a backslider…..yet I am exactly where God wants me to be. HE is shredding my legalistic views, HE is stirring my bitterness to eliminate it, HE is still in control…even here. Only when HE has finished with the extremely painful heart surgery, will HE see me to the other side.
Funny, how we are so quick to judge another at the wall. How quickly we dismiss what we don’t understand. So often we claim to know what God is doing in another. We even claim to know and understand God. *sigh*
God is not created in man’s image, we don’t even have a conclusive definition of “Holy”, yet we claim it. I absolutely hate looking at this wall…and at the same time…I believe HE has a plan that is more awesome than anything I could dream up.
HE promised to never leave me…
HE promised to finish the work HE started in me…
HE promised to never let go…
Simple promises. Holding on to them with all I got. Hoping that when I get to the otherside of this wall, that my concept of HIM will have grown in huge proportions. “I will wait patiently on the LORD”…HE is faithful, even when I am not.
Ever been here? what did you learn if you have been? Maybe you are there now. If so, how do you keep looking up?
“Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ”
Today I spent the day with people I do not know, and two I have met briefly. We explored our Gifts from God. It was all very exciting, and informative. At the same time very humbling, and terrifying. God does expect a return on those gifts for HIS glory. So many of mine, have laid untouched for a year. So its quite an understatement to say , “God has lit a fire under my butt”..but HE has. For that I am grateful. Also very repentant.
Would we allow any other gift to lay in a corner and not open it? not use it? not show some kind of excitement?
While thinking of how much of a disappointment I am to HIM, I realized that something else was going on in this room…
I was learning and seeing with my own eyes how each person has gifts that are not all the same, and we compliment each other very well. There was no pride or arrogance. Unity filled the room. Then HE nudged me… “you love them, don’t you? you are loving the body of Christ” oh! i have prayed for that so long, and thought i would never sense that in a structured environment.
I love HIM so! Thankful for the gifts HE has given to me, and praying that I will grow into each one of them and use them for HIS glory. HE always knows what I need, and always knows exactly how to encourage me!
Father God, you know the plans you have for me. At times it terrifies me at all you have entrusted to me. Realizing that it because I fear failing you. But You do not fail me. Please help me to take my place in Your body, using the gifts you have given me, and overcoming the fears that I have. I love you LORD, and I am lifting up my gifts to you for your glory. As you have said it will be…so will it be. Your Princess who is shaking her head, taking deep breaths as I dive in deeper…
The Princess spent her days walking in the glorious sunshine. Such joy! such a blessed life! She fell asleep without warning…she didn’t know how long she slept, but when awakening…such darkness! Ahhhhh Where was her King? Her Daddy that she loves..who loves her as well. She sets out to look for Him. She can’t find Him. How could this happen? Her sadness grew, her desperation more intense. Life is not good without her King..He showers her with the love and hope that makes her world turn….
Princess: (remembering that He can always hear her, and see her even when she cannot) My Lord! why have you left me here? I can not do this with out you…Please come and rescue me…Please do not leave me in the darkness…There is no darkness in you.
King: (speaking ever so quietly, ever so gently) I promised to never leave you, and I have kept my promise. But I will not force you to stay by my side where the light shines on your face and warms your heart. The world entices, and you must stay in my Word as it feeds your soul and keeps you from hungering for things that are not me.
Princess: I remember how we danced, i remember how much love filled my heart…oh how i adored you! still not sure how the world can pull me away from the only One who really matters. Please. Please fill my heart again with the hunger I need to pursue you. I am lost, I thought I could handle some things on my own. Now the darkness is suffocating. I can not save my self. Forgive, according to your loving kindness, because I belong to you. Restore. There is no life away from you.
King: (extending His hand into the darkness) Princess, take hold and never let go. The darkness will always be close while you walk this earth, but I am your safe place, no one else or nothing else can fill that void. Come to me. I will restore, Read my Words to you daily, keep me first in your thoughts, Know with all your heart that my love for you moves heaven and earth, Nothing can seperate you from me. The darkness lies to you, and you must put up your shield of faith, believe…
Princess: How could i just walk away from you? What kind of child leaves the most perfect Father without thinking about it? How or Why would you want to help me now?…nothing makes sense..
King: (cleaning her up, wiping her tears, dressing her in His love) I will brush you off, and you will take my hand, and we will continue on this journey..I have so much I want to show you, so many things that will delight your heart. Oh the plans I have! and when we rest…I will sing over you, watch over you as you sleep.
(looking over His shoulder speaking firmly to the darkness now far behind) This is my Princess..you can not have her…and I will protect her, and keep her close…I delight in her…
Trying to memorize this chapter. So much in this that applies one day or another. Another part of my Journey -to knowing HIM more…
PSALM 27 (NLT)
A psalm of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation– so why should I be afraid? The LORD protects me from danger– so why should I tremble?
When evil people come to destroy me, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will know no fear. Even if they attack me, I remain confident.
The one thing I ask of the LORD– the thing I seek most– is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, delighting in the LORD’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.
For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
Then I will hold my head high, above my enemies who surround me. At his Tabernacle I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy, singing and praising the LORD with music.
Listen to my pleading, O LORD. Be merciful and answer me!
My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “LORD, I am coming.”
Do not hide yourself from me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me, O God of my salvation!
Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.
Teach me how to live, O LORD. Lead me along the path of honesty, for my enemies are waiting for me to fall.
Do not let me fall into their hands. For they accuse me of things I’ve never done and breathe out violence against me.
Yet I am confident that I will see the LORD’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.
Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.
Somehow in this crazy messed up world we live in, its so easy to be consumed by everything and around us. Then the Ultimate question surfaces “God where are you? you seem far away”. God does not move, we move. Revisiting the Cross, and the love of God is vital to my journey to know HIM more. I don’t claim to know all there is to know, but I what i do know is…life doesn’t work for me without a focus on God’s love for me even while i was still his enemy.
So today , while keeping the cross in the front of my mind, looking at scriptures that remind me of my sin, and how much i don’t believe (and i really want to), here is just a few..
Luke 9:25 What gain is it for someone to have won the world, and to have lost or ruined his/her very self. (paraphrased)
Romans 5:6-11 (my thoughts) looking at this with the eyes of how much sin is the refusal of God’s love.
Matthew 9:18-22 (my thoughts) the woman with a bleeding condition, was healed because she believed…how much of our sin is metaphorically causing us to bleed, and not reach for the healer?
John 4:1-42 the woman at the well-(my thoughts) i don’t know what happened in her life that caused her to spiral from one man to another, but regardless of what someone else may have done to her, i am seeing today that her deception is not knowing who she truly is to her creator, and not know her true identitiy in Christ. This is my own issue as well somedays, and so many times have teached it, and so many times have fallen here.
Part of this journey is to know with out a doubt , not just words memorized, but rooted in the heart…my true identity in Christ, to know HIS love like never before, and to accept that love, because I am worth it to HIM…so are you…want to join me on this journey?