Category Archives: journey

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Filed under Acceptance, awareness, Change, family, healing, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, loss, Love, Next New Normal, ponderisms

Protected: I was wrong

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Filed under Authenticity, battles, convictions, follow, forgive, Grace, heart condition, heavy heart, Jesus, journey, life, loss, mercy, princess entries

What’s The Point?

Observation:

People generally say anything that they think you want to hear. It’s not helpful.

People generally have their own desires in front of any repercussions it may cost another. Its awful.

People spend most of their life working for more money to better their life, while destroying relationships. Its painful.

People will hate another all while preaching love. It hurts.

Realism:

We push hard to just make it through the week, and lick our wounds in private. Its hard.

We try to be honest with others. Its brutal.

We deal with manipulators who are pleasing their own twisted agenda. Its sickening.

Don’t trust people. Don’t trust your heart. Its deceiving.

So, what’s the point? Why are we pushing so hard, there is no promise that the other side of this is any better.

Why allow anyone in to the closed part of your soul, your deepest thoughts? They will not honor them.

I don’t know what the point is.  I am not sure why I do this every day.  But I know I screwed up.  I looked to someone else and put my trust out there, and it was disastrous. An already trashed heart, smashed a little more.

God is the only one who knows “whats the point”, wondering if he will tell me.

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Filed under heavy heart, journey, lack of life, life, mourning, my brain, painful, struggles, trust, wounds

Journeying Home

Long week of sorrows.  I realize it will be like a rollercoaster. But the ride is tiring.

Disgruntled. This life is exhausting to only bring me barely breathing.

Remembering all that I have in Christ, and feeling small in all of it.

Wondering why I long to feel like I am home, belonging, beautiful, secure.

I was created for all of it, this is just not my home, I belong to Heaven.

Its ok to feel all this.

Wanting to be found in Him, and grateful for all the beauty around me and the people who care about me.

Journeying to the place I was created for, Heaven is my home…

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Filed under Beautiful, healing, Heaven, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, mourning, princess entries, struggles

Priorities, Changes, Oh My!

No walls this time, but definitely a fork in the road.  One is a little rocky, and not too pleasant to the eye, but the other is closed.  So I am taking the only road I can.  Maybe its just the “unknown” factor that makes this new road less appealing….

I have allergies.  They cripple my lifestyle to an extent.  I have to be careful how much time I spend outside, My AC runs constantly  to filter the allergens in my home. There is no medication that brings me 100% relief.  The medication I do take is the same as a car payment every month.  

God has blessed me with a job that works with all this. No weekends, and no summers, unless I feel up to a day here or there.

Why am I sharing this? I really don’t want to.  I keep it to myself and try to be as healthy as I can.  My allergies are getting worse.  They cause me to have sinus migranes, and literally make me sick. My symptoms are heart pounding, shortness of breath, head pounding, and stomach turning.  I have no warning when that will happen, and whatever plans I may have made come to an immediate halt.  Overall, when telling someone that I can not participate in an activity, I get the “look”.  I have become a person that many can not count on.  Its heart breaking, and disappointing to say the least. Tiring in trying to explain.

After struggling with all this means to my life, and having lots of conversations with God on this matter, I am believing that He wants something else from me. Outreach can come to my door, and He has shown me that.  I don’t know where all this is going…don’t know if I am supposed to return to writing.  But I do know that my family is a gift from God.  I want to use my energies in being a good wife, and a good mom, and the best Mimi I can be. 

I do love my church, and I get there as often as I can.  Opening a new chapter to my life….

Priorities, Changes, Oh my!   So glad God knows what He is doing, I am just going to rest in HIM.

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Filed under Allergies, family, God's plan, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, Medicinal, outreach, Peace, ponderisms, princess entries

Hiding in Jesus (Abiding)

“Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”  Do you know what it is like to have a week that mentally there is not an ounce of reason left, and you really feel like something that cat drug in from the yard?  I have been on that rollercoaster this week.  With all my knowledge of God, sometimes the best I could come up with was a song I learned as a young child-“Jesus loves me”.  But what truth is in that song!

Somehow I need to express something very important to my readers, especially believers.  There are times in this walk that are not pretty, and are very exhausting.  The enemy waits for this to happen so that he can pounce on us and kick, and dig into our empty places and create turmoil within us.  Sometimes the Lord allows it for a time, but only if HE plans to bring something good out of it.  We need to remember above all else, that HE loves us, and does not ever leave us.  We need to stop praying to be delivered from ever little thing that causes us discomfort, and start praying to learn what ever we have been brought here to learn.  It is truly the purifying fire.  We go through hard times to become more like HIM.  I have been stuck this week on some different scriptures, that all seem to point to “who do we think we are? Do we really think we will have an easier life than Jesus had on earth?  Do we think we are greater than our master? Do we think we can pick and choose scripture to be obedient too?”  If you never have stepped out of the bubble of the physical church and touched a heart with kindness, or opened the door for someone struggling…you may not understand why the enemy would want to rip and tear at any one person.  If you are not ever experiencing struggles and enemy attack, then I am going to beg you to pray and ask HIM if there is anything standing between you and HIM.  I have found that HE will answer quickly.

If you do know what I am talking about…then come to the ONE who can satisfy, and restore.  I love that when I feel like the enemy lays me at HIS feet and laughs…my Jesus picks me up and cleans me up and bandages all the wounds, dresses me in the finest clothing, adorns me jewels, and we dance.  Surrounded in the most awesome love.  I love that HE wraps HIM self around me and HIS strength is apparent to my heart.  HE calls me to sleep there, and covers me with HIS robe. HE sings over me. HE reminds me that  although it looks like the enemy wins some battles, he has already lost the war!!  Does that do good  for anyone else’s heart?? It encourages mine greatly.

Jesus,

the enemy is a liar, and he means no one any good thing.  Thank you for carrying us when we are to weak to walk anymore.  Thank you for filling us with your peace and your joy, that you gladly give to us, when asking.  Thank you for being just a cry away, and for intervening on our behalf.  Thank you for always bringing something good out of the bad.  You truly have our best interest at heart.  I am amazed at how high and deep and wide is your love for us.  Give us a hunger for more of you, even and foremost in the worst of circumstances.  Might we only want you, stretch out our arms and reach for the only One who will ever love us unconditionally, and delights in just hearing our voice directed at HIM.  We are desperate for you.  Things will only get worse in this world, teach us to hide ourselves in you.  You are the only God and there is no other…make it so in our hearts. 

your daughter, and princess, who knows there is no life away from you.

(this is a repost from 2007, funny how we seem to go full circle, and here I am again.  Thought of rewriting it, but I just couldn’t…Stay close to the ONE who is the safest place to land)

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Filed under Abundant Grace, battles, believe, blessings, deliverance, God, healing, hope, Jesus, journey, Kingdom living, life, princess entries, safe place