Category Archives: hope

But I want! Psalm 23:1

Psalm 23:1  The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need. (NLT)

Psalm 23:1  The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. (NIV)

Psalm 23:1  The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want. (KJV)(NASB)(ESV)

(Strongs H2637 “i shall not want”  to lack, be without, decrease, be lacking, have a need)

As a child, I was taught everything from the KJV.   Being a child, I was at the mercy of my teachers to grasp application.  “I shall not want” came across to me as a command, instead a statement of faith to the goodness of God our provider, our Creator.

When I was a small child, memorizing the 23rd Psalm, was applauded. In my head, I could not get past “I shall not want”.  I wanted! There was no way to verbalize that at the time, and at any effort, the feeling of condemnation, guilt for wanting/needing paralyzed me.  It took me on a path of “not measuring up”, “not being what I was told to be by God”. This was truly my beginning of believing that God had not chosen me…you see…I needed, and I wanted…and it said.. “I shall not want”.

While looking over this with fresh thinking and seeing it all today in the Light of what I know to be true…its meaning is the faith that God will provide all that I need and give me the desires of my heart, as it falls together with HIS plan for me.  God wants us to give HIM our needs, and our wants, and HE loves us, all the while knowing how HE has planned to provide.  I was not a bad unwanted child in HIS eyes for needing, I was already chosen before the foundations of the earth were spoken into existence.

Wondering how many children, recite this, and are not taught to see the relationship? My God, My Shepherd…who keeps HIS eyes on me, doesn’t let me ever fall so far that HE can not reach me…knows when i need…then provides, sooo that “I shall not want”.

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Good-bye Religion

Feeling jaded…struggling with what i thought to be my faith, only to find out religion has caused me much grief. Its taken me far from my Creator, and even caused much turmoil in my spirit.  For the last 10 years or so…all I really wanted was to be accepted by a people who had rejected me.  Oh I knew how to do it this time…I knew what to say, I knew how to look, and was brushing up on my theology. Accepted I was.  Let down, and confused I became. I am accepted in Christ, and that is enough for me.

Coming back from the pit that I lived in most my life, had changed me.  I developed the beginning of a relationship with my Creator, and the one place that I thought would rejoice with me, and help me to grow..did not…jaded…

It felt so good to be accepted with them…but my heart grew tired, confused, easily agitated..for the last two years, I wonder why?  I’ve been called “Critical”, “unloving”.  In all my questions, answers like this “you are judging the body of Christ, and bad things will happen to you”…the politics of religion…legalism…do it like this…look like this…don’t talk so much about relationship, its not teachable…

After spending what seems like an endless amount of time…asking God over and over…”why can’t i get back to where we were in this relationship? I miss you.”

There is no room for religion in this Relationship!  Great! but that is scary in itself.  Learning to let go of my religion, in order to grasp the relationship.

I am going to start posting my fresh new look at scripture that  I have memorized, and go deeper with the Lord, in the way they apply to me… Believing God and making it a life style is not a religion, its a relationship.

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addiction-an uphill battle…

wondering if you know…

battling with self injury or any type of addiction is…

an uphill battle

in the dark

w/rough terrain

stumbling, falling

getting back up

requires incredible determination

a little encouragement daily

God is capable and willing to deliver us…HE is also…at times…interested in seeing us fight the thing out, and believe that it will be worth it when we reach the top…if you know somesome struggling with this, and you know they are a new believer…

Showing them their failures and scripture to back that up is not helping…encourage them to keep trying, admit that the climb is tough, remind them that God has not given up on them, and HE is not sick of them and their falling…HE loves them, and is teaching them more of who HE is and who they are to HIM…

Look what HE taught Joshua and the Isrealites in Joshua 9-10….amazing they found their selves in a place, due to someone elses sin…and stumbling and mumbling they did…and the Glory of God they saw!

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Be Real-Hold out Hope

A dear friend tagged me with this on FB, and i am honored that altho she has never met me, she gets me.  i used to shoot drugs into my arms before knowing Jesus, watching the blood run down my arm made me feel alive in a twisted way, altho feeling so very dead….actually i was dead, but now i am alive in Christ.  i know many cutters, and i understand what they get from it.  Could we as the body, just stop and remember what we are all saved from….? Could we love and accept them as the beautiful creations that they are, and write love on their arms….and then wrap them in it, show some patience….God will do the changing, and we do the loving….hold out Hope…Thank you Jesus for holding out hope to me.

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Surprised! its a trust issue

sometimes God uses the element of surprise to get straight to my heart, and been asking for that for sometime…a heart change.

on sunday our church played a clip with a guy speaking of his childhood, father murdered, mother suicide, and how he is today, still messed up (in my opinion) but learning to hold on to God and accept HIS plan for him. tough stuff…

of course the element of surprise hit quite a few notes in my heart…the enemy raced in to be his ignorant self.  didn’t hear too much of the service after that, but my emotions and thoughts seemed to go nuts!  while i fought to keep my mind focused, the LORD just spoke into my chaotic heart…soft and firm..”you don’t trust me”…that revelation that is mild in comparison of what others hear…was devastating to me.  you see i want to trust HIM, i know longer want to understand the past, and for long periods of time i am believing that i trust HIM.  Just a video of someone i didn’t even know, and just the words murder, suicide..disappointed at that moment that everything in my reacted so differently from what i believe.

God is walking this out with me…i understand Soveriegnty, i understand LOVE, but somehow my mind needs to grasp that HE is all of HIS attributes at once…the enemy needs shut out once and for all, and my trust in HIM should not be so easily shaken.

so today i rejoice in the fact that- i asked HIM to help my unbelief, i know that alot of areas where i fall down at is a result of unbelief…battled for months with where and why do i have this…and now i know…i don’t trust him with everything..do you? how do you do that? are you for real or just giving me the sunday school version because you know that? i know that too..then there is a heart connect, where words and actions should become one and the same..

asked God recently to spare anothers heart, and pleaded with HIM, to want to …odd huh?  and with in 45 minutes a phone call told me, the miraculous had happened in that persons life….again the soft voice…”princess trust me”

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Always wanted to walk on water

I have been struggling with myself while reading the book “So Long Insecurity”,  by Beth Moore , there are times that I am sure God has freed me from a lot of my past, and at the same time I know there is still work to be done on my heart, and more healing is in order.  Recently, I decided to lay the book down, my own thinking was, maybe i am just stirring a pot that doesn’t need stirred.  But then I realized…by the mighty hand of God, that my insecurity was being afraid of looking back, afraid of falling in my walk (and i have done that), and allowing my doubt to run my life, or ruin it….have you never wondered…what if, this time i have really gone too far..

Today while coming home from a very long trying day, this song came on the radio…there in my car, God touched my heart, and every word of it felt like God speaking directly to me..wonder if anyone else may need to hear this too…you know…i always wanted to take HIS hand and walk on the water…i may just do that!

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