Category Archives: heart

Another piece of my story…

When I was a little girl in third grade, our house burned down along with 9 other row houses. Ours was in the middle of the nine and we lost everything. My brother started the fire, deliberately hoping to kill my step-father(who really is a saint!).  No one died, just six months of rebuilding, and being seperated as a family. There were five kids in my family, and we all stayed with someone different.  I was sick the night of the fire, and my brother saved me (always hits kind of strange as he started it). But the next day, we found out that I had “old fashioned type” measles, the kind your infants are innoculated for, I guess mine didn’t work.  I had to stay with my Step Grandmother for one week in a dark room to keep the measles from taking my eye sight. It doesn’t sound like a bad deal, but she was so mean to me.  She wasn’t happy that she inherited 4 grandchildren, and was sure I was going to steal from her.  Mostly I was just terrified of her.  After the abuse my Dad inflicted on my family, my step dad was a saint to take us all and keep us.  His mom did not feel the same, and was very open about it.  I was only there for 10 days, and my aunt came to get me, and I stayed with her very old parents the remainder of the 6 months.  It was a very long six months…My mom was at my step Grandmothers, but us kids were not allowed to stay, so we all lived somewhere different.

This weekend she died.  My Step dad always witnessed to her, and hoped that she truly did accept the Lord.  As a believer, I prayed for her, but in all honesty, I am numb.  I don’t feel anything about her being gone.  I am not angry, yet I am not grieving either. Wondering if this is normal?

Many years the Lord has been working on me in the area of forgiveness, and each and every time I learn to forgive through HIS power.  I believe I did forgive her along time ago, but our relationship was never restored. Mostly because we never had one.

I pray that she was open to the LORD before she left here.  I hurt for my Step Dad who is still at the loss of his mother. But most of all, I wonder if the past will ever stop showing up to throw dark clouds on us, causing us to stumble. Be patient with ones who have an abusive past, the devil uses it against us, over and over and over…and if they admit to one abuse, I believe there were many more..abuse has a cycle..much damage is done to heart that has been abused…more than we want to look at,  or admit to.

Thank you God for delivering us…we were not created to be mistreated, but to give you Glory..YOU are the GOD of my yesterday, today, and no doubt of my tomorrows…Let you Glory shine in these times…don’t allow it to be for no reason…

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Filed under family, forgiveness, God, healing, heart, life, princess entries, reflections, relationship, restoration

Are you Broken-hearted?


We all suffer at times. Sometimes our hearts are broke in a million                pieces, and hopelessness sets in.  Wondering…how will we ever put it all back together the way it was? We won’t. But God will put it back together, but not the same as it was, better!

Psalm 34:18
The
Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 147:1
He Heals the Brokenhearted
Praise the
Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the
brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Isaiah 61:1
The Year of the
Lord‘s Favor
The Spirit of the Lord
God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound

(These verse were taken from the ESV, and the underlined/italicized  words are my emphasis.)

I wish so much I could take your face in my hands and cause you to look up, to dry your tears, and whisper “HE is here, reach for HIM.” Although this is the worst time you can imagine, you are in the perfect place to see HIS Glory, to know HIS touch to your heart, to experience HIS warmth and love wrap around you like a blanket.  I know HE is there with you. I have been where you are, and will be there again no doubt, as we live in this world that is falling apart, and have an enemy that is bent on destroying us, our marriages, our children, and what ever we hold dear.  I believe nothing touches HIS heart as tenderly as HIS child holding out her/his hands with a tear stained face.   Crying out I hurt.

I know as a mother, I would swoop up my kids in my arms, and wipe tears, and speak softly, and do all in my power to comfort them.  How much greater is our GOD to love on HIS children and then go a step beyond,…heal the broken heart, and restore things to a level that is glorifying to HIM.  No one messes with HIS babies…and walks away without knowing that HE is the KING of KINGS, and your Daddy, your heart healer…((HUGS))

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Filed under Bible, deliverance, encouragement, family, God, healing, heart, hope, life, Love, princess entries, restoration, Truth

Overwhelming Love

When my I was pregnant with my first child, her father died. There are no words for what I felt or thought during those remaining three months of pregnancy. No one could console me. I locked myself in my room, and only family saw me, when they intruded in my space.  No words came from my lips. No tears fell from my eyes. Total numbness.

At some point in the last month, I came to life again, or what I felt life would be from this point on… As I slept , I had a dream and I saw her in my dream, this perfectly beautiful baby girl with a face just like her daddy’s, and I felt a love for her that I didn’t know I could posess. My mom felt sorry for me, and consistently told me “its just a dream…God will not show you her before she is born.” But HE did. When I gave birth to her, instead of looking in to her eyes for the first time, I knew I already did. My heart broke in a million pieces, my very cold, hard heart, shattered. How could someone so wonderful come from someone like me? My past was so dirty.

I know that God shattered my heart, and then piece by piece HE is still putting it back together. It took me 18 years to allow HIM to console me, and to begin the healing process.

I know how very much I love my children. I am totally nuts over them! There is nothing I will not attempt to do to make thier lives easier, and to put a smile on thier face.  There is no danger I will not step into to keep them safe. As I looked at my first daughter yesterday, and saw her smile, I remembered how much we have gone through. How much love she stirred in me from the beginning that I had no idea I was capable of.  God stirred my heart…HE loves her even more than I do..all of us..an Overwhelming Love that we can not comprehend in our wildest dreams.  In comparison of how much I love my children, God’s love for us is so much higher, deeper, wider,  longer…perfect love….I stand amazed and in awe of that LOVE that HE had to teach me. Not only that I possess a fraction of the love, but to help me wrap my head around the intensity of HIS.

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Filed under Amazement, Beautiful, dreams, family, God, heart, life, Love, princess entries

things to ponder…

* Oh..how HE loves us so..oh how HE loves us..(this song is stuck in my head today)

* walking through the valley is the time when we earn crowns to place at HIS feet..(different perspective)

* all things work together for those who love HIM

* unlimited “do-overs”,  what is not to love about that?

* jump..HE will catch you

* sometimes we need to travel the hardest road, to get to the best place

* no place is dark enough for God not to shine through..amazing

* when everything else fails…HE never does

*God is working through the internet, on Twitter, in Blogsville-i know i seen HIM

* even in the remotest corner of the world, we are never alone-HE is there with us

* HE gave us promises, and HE does not lie

*HE doesn’t love just a little..HE loves completely, and unconditionally

 

these are some of the things i am pondering through maybe you need some things to ponder on too…these things always cause me look up, move closer, and feel the healing power of our awesome God..love and peace!

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Filed under Amazement, believe, blessings, Blogsville, encouragement, God, healing, heart, hope, life, Love, ponderisms, princess entries, reflections, twitter

Beautiful!

This is my word today..it just rolls off my tongue so sweet! Loving some spring weather, and gorgeous sunrise ! Beautiful!!

My quiet time was beautiful!

My coffee was beautiful! 

The song in my heart is beautiful!

My holey sweatshirt that I am wearing is beautiful and cozy!

Jesus is beautiful!!!! 

What HE does in my heart is beautiful!

I am feeling today like I am seriously being romanced with Beauty, and it is beautiful!!!

Life walking in HIS shadow is beautiful, and nothing like it! love me some BEAUTIFUL!!!

Life comes at us fast, and before we know it, we have spent all our energy on the almighty “to do” list.  *sigh*  we missed the beautiful.. today take a second, and ponder on the beauty in your life..I am sure its there, maybe just not noticed lately. Tell me what you think to be beautiful!

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Filed under awareness, Beautiful, gratefulness, heart, hope, Jesus, life, Love, romance, spring

This has been my Struggle

There has been an intense struggle the last few months.  Its over.  My thinking was twisted, due to following man rather than God. Sounds harsh….but the truth is, my own longing to belong to the body of Christ, and my own thinking on what that is exactly, caused me to only hear what man more educated than me has to say about that.  That was my first mistake…God has always been there to teach me and to lead me, and I believed that HE was handing me off to someone.  My worst fear became a reality. The fire for Christ and to spread the Gosple began to die down. After trying to talk through it with a man, I realized he did not understand me, and I have been judged.  Is this all part of God’s plan? yes.  My longing to be part of..was off.  I already am part of the body of Christ. When I get hurt by the “believers”, I tend to take that out on the ONE i love the most.  (They said i was part of their family..me..the one who never really had a family..so what do I know about this..apparently nothing. Please do not take this as a slam on the church, I don’t believe they are wrong, yet I also believe that God wants my attention, and now HE has it.) God changed my husbands schedule forcing us to walk another direction, because HE loves us, and HE knows what HE is doing, and me..not so much.

The LORD has brought me back to HIS side, reminding me that I am never alone, and HE never tires of me asking questions, and HE never feels like HE has invested too much time in me. Just the opposite, HE wants to invest time in me.  HE used my daughter this week to show me videos, that actually broke through my fog I have been walking in, and I am sharing them with you. In the order that I have them in, is the conversation between me and God. I hope it helps your heart too, where ever you may be on this road.  No one trumps God, and what HE has spoken to your heart. And no one can know or discern your heart without investing time in you. God is the only ONE who truly knows your heart..follow HIM.

For some reason the one that speaks my heart the best in this struggle will not embed..sooo if you would like to hear it go here  

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Filed under conversing with God, family, finger of God, God, Grace, healing, heart, heart condition, hope, Identity, life, mercy, princess entries, repentance, restoration, video