Category Archives: forgiveness

Another piece of my story…

When I was a little girl in third grade, our house burned down along with 9 other row houses. Ours was in the middle of the nine and we lost everything. My brother started the fire, deliberately hoping to kill my step-father(who really is a saint!).  No one died, just six months of rebuilding, and being seperated as a family. There were five kids in my family, and we all stayed with someone different.  I was sick the night of the fire, and my brother saved me (always hits kind of strange as he started it). But the next day, we found out that I had “old fashioned type” measles, the kind your infants are innoculated for, I guess mine didn’t work.  I had to stay with my Step Grandmother for one week in a dark room to keep the measles from taking my eye sight. It doesn’t sound like a bad deal, but she was so mean to me.  She wasn’t happy that she inherited 4 grandchildren, and was sure I was going to steal from her.  Mostly I was just terrified of her.  After the abuse my Dad inflicted on my family, my step dad was a saint to take us all and keep us.  His mom did not feel the same, and was very open about it.  I was only there for 10 days, and my aunt came to get me, and I stayed with her very old parents the remainder of the 6 months.  It was a very long six months…My mom was at my step Grandmothers, but us kids were not allowed to stay, so we all lived somewhere different.

This weekend she died.  My Step dad always witnessed to her, and hoped that she truly did accept the Lord.  As a believer, I prayed for her, but in all honesty, I am numb.  I don’t feel anything about her being gone.  I am not angry, yet I am not grieving either. Wondering if this is normal?

Many years the Lord has been working on me in the area of forgiveness, and each and every time I learn to forgive through HIS power.  I believe I did forgive her along time ago, but our relationship was never restored. Mostly because we never had one.

I pray that she was open to the LORD before she left here.  I hurt for my Step Dad who is still at the loss of his mother. But most of all, I wonder if the past will ever stop showing up to throw dark clouds on us, causing us to stumble. Be patient with ones who have an abusive past, the devil uses it against us, over and over and over…and if they admit to one abuse, I believe there were many more..abuse has a cycle..much damage is done to heart that has been abused…more than we want to look at,  or admit to.

Thank you God for delivering us…we were not created to be mistreated, but to give you Glory..YOU are the GOD of my yesterday, today, and no doubt of my tomorrows…Let you Glory shine in these times…don’t allow it to be for no reason…

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Filed under family, forgiveness, God, healing, heart, life, princess entries, reflections, relationship, restoration

Not Guilty anymore… (repost)

Decided to repost this from 2009, as the message is incredible, and seems we need to be reminded often.  We are not guilty anymore, Mercy is ours!  

This is something that has plagued me for many years,..about the time I believe I am walking in the blessing and feeling redeemed, forgiven, and restored..

In my Face! always wondering, how could that have come back to me again in a such a crippling way..When we believe God, have repented, HE promises to take it away as far as the east is from the west, never to belong to us again..we are Free from the past…we are certainly not guilty anymore..I needed this video, and thought maybe you do too..

Not Guilty Anymore-AaronKeyes

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Filed under Aaron Keyes, believe, encouragement, forgiveness, freedom, God, Grace, healing, hope, life, mercy, not guilty, repentance, restoration

The Seed Of Bitterness

Struggling many times with disappointment and wondering how it turns into anger and bitterness. It seems without much warning the whole world can turn upside down within my heart. WOW! what or how did that happen. God is always awesome to lead me to something that shines a light on my heart..this week HE led me to Lynse, if you get a chance to read this, i am thinking her questions will do a work in your heart as well… As I pondered her post, and was confronted this last week with issues that just weren’t apparent to me before, I found my self going back to this post..here is my walk through disappointment, anger, bitterness ….  go here

( I will start blogging part of my post here, and the entire post at Philter 48..hope to see your comments here or there, and do go read Lynseleanne’s post very good!)

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Filed under Accountability, Authenticity, deception, deliverance, forgiveness, God, life, princess entries, repentance

Changing the “want to”…

Lord God, our Father in Heaven, we are sadly mistaken..or we are blatantly defiant… we need you to change our “want to”, and cause it to line up with Yours.  We cry, plead, and whine through the storms, yet we make our home there.  You say, “thou shalt not…” and we say “I want to”.  Soften our hearts to your will, help us to keep your Son foremost in our thoughts, who was Obedient to Your will, even to death, on a cross. Help us to remember that we will not go through anything that HE has not experienced and that You know exactly what our fears are, even more than we do.  You alone have authority over everything, change our “want to”.

Often I am confronted with a struggle, a battle of the Wills.  Whether it is with my children, or it is between me and God. Both are situations where someone will lose the battle.  We can become consumed with what we want, and feelings are not always right, and emotions can be disasterous if allowed to make choices, especially life altering ones.  When God has clearly said “do not”, HE MEANS IT!  We will not change HIS mind, this is not a compromise, and HE does not love us more than the one that was rebuked for the same thing…So…why do we push the ticket?

Maybe in all our intelligence of theology, we have lost sight of who HE is.  HE is Holy. HE is Supreme. HE is Pure. HE is our Father who will do whatever it takes to make us look to HIM, and to choose HIS way.  HE calls to us for Obedience, and yet we think we have a choice. The choice is..walking in the blessing or walking without it.  Repercussions to our choices are sometimes more painful than just making the right choice. (this one i know)

God opened up HIS mouth, and we have creation in all its awesomeness! HE hung the stars and named them, I can’t even count them much less call them by name.  HIS plan is more than we can comprehend..HIS power is limitless! HE can change our “want to”, HE can change our “mood and attitude”.  HE will not hear our cries in direct disobedience, unless it is in repentance.  If we are playing a game, to have our “want to”, then later repent when we are done with the thing…oh HE will forgive, but you will feel the repercussions…because HE will not be mocked, HE won’t have it…

Disobedience is not ever rewarded…

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Filed under awareness, believe, bitterness, blessings, forgiveness, God, life, obedience, princess entries, repentance

Taking Some Ground, In JESUS name!

This morning was like any other Saturday morning, heading out to get food for hungry growing children!  In the car stereo, was Travis Cottrell~Unashamed Love. Of course, it needed to go UP! LOUDER!  in a matter of moments he escorted me right into the throne room, where I needed to be so desperately. More than I knew.  As Worship just filled my Saturn, the presence of the LORD was strong.  Been wondering lately, how does one love so deeply the LORD, and over time it seems to become natural.  HE is so NOT natural, HE is supernatural, there is no way that we should ever just stop jumping up and down over what HE has done and is doing.

The last few years, we have been through some things that only God can save us from. And save us HE did. But the scars have been deep, and on occasion painfully reminding.  We have come through Immorality/pornography, miscarriages, and a broken family to a whole family. God has moved in ways that are incomprehensible, and still knowing that HE has done these things.  I don’t know what you have been through, but I know when God moves HIS hand and saves you…you just can’t shut up about it! This is where the enemy put me in bondage again…

God moved on my heart to teach women, and I did for several years.  I live in a area where religious Bible teaching is prominent. Once they hear my testimony of where I have been and what Jesus has saved me from, the shots begin.  Some how, the enemy used them to sit me down, to lower my hands in praise, and to believe that I should just be happy that God has brought me into HIS family, but there really is no place among them.  How I tried to become part of one family after another, and the same thing happened again..

After months of no worshipping any where, God lead me Lifes Changed by Christ. Amazing.  Still there has been this darkness lurking around me..part of the legalism that bound me raced through my mind..”there is unrepentant sin..this is as good as it gets,..just be glad you have been saved from hell…no one wants to hear you…”  While pondering these things I have decided….

God will speak to my heart about what is wrong, as long as i keep my heart open to HIM! I did need some repentance, seems that I have been angry with GOD for bringing out of all the abuse in my life to abuse me again in Jesus name…

Then it happened! my worship, my freedom from the legalistic bonds that were trying to suffocate me. HE did not save me from the pit to sit me in the back seat or to allow self righteous people to make me hang my head yet again. NO that is not my GOD, and IN JESUS NAME, I am taking back the ground that my DADDY gave to me..Thank you Jesus for breaking through again and again.. Thank you for Beth Moore who taught me your Truth, and how to look into it my self, and thank you for Travis who taught me how to sing your praises from my heart.

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Filed under believe, Beth Moore, bitterness, blessings, finger of God, forgiveness, freedom, Grace, healing, hope, Jesus, life, princess entries, thankfulness, Travis Cottrell, Truth

Have you heard, the beautiful news?

Joy is the theme of my song,
And the beat of my heart,
And that joy is found in You.
For You showed the power of Your cross
And your great saving love,
And my soul woke up to You.
I heard Your beautiful news;
Grace so amazing, so true…

Shout it out, let the people sing
Something so powerful should shake the whole wide world.
Make it loud, make it louder still;
Saviour we’re singing now to celebrate Your beautiful news.

There’s a God who came down to save
Showed the world His amazing grace
There’s a God who came down to save
And He calls your name 

Matt Redman ©2006

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Filed under Beautiful, believe, forgiveness, freedom, God, Grace, hope, Jesus, mercy, Truth, video, worship