Category Archives: family

unexpected presents..

My daughter and her husband came to visit last night, and brought us a present.

and this is what was inside….

a baby! God is so good to us, i am so happy for them, and happy for me too! Babies are a gift from God, what a treasure!

Still…my baby is having a baby…boggles my little brain…

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Filed under Babies, blessings, family, gifts

Another piece of my story…

When I was a little girl in third grade, our house burned down along with 9 other row houses. Ours was in the middle of the nine and we lost everything. My brother started the fire, deliberately hoping to kill my step-father(who really is a saint!).  No one died, just six months of rebuilding, and being seperated as a family. There were five kids in my family, and we all stayed with someone different.  I was sick the night of the fire, and my brother saved me (always hits kind of strange as he started it). But the next day, we found out that I had “old fashioned type” measles, the kind your infants are innoculated for, I guess mine didn’t work.  I had to stay with my Step Grandmother for one week in a dark room to keep the measles from taking my eye sight. It doesn’t sound like a bad deal, but she was so mean to me.  She wasn’t happy that she inherited 4 grandchildren, and was sure I was going to steal from her.  Mostly I was just terrified of her.  After the abuse my Dad inflicted on my family, my step dad was a saint to take us all and keep us.  His mom did not feel the same, and was very open about it.  I was only there for 10 days, and my aunt came to get me, and I stayed with her very old parents the remainder of the 6 months.  It was a very long six months…My mom was at my step Grandmothers, but us kids were not allowed to stay, so we all lived somewhere different.

This weekend she died.  My Step dad always witnessed to her, and hoped that she truly did accept the Lord.  As a believer, I prayed for her, but in all honesty, I am numb.  I don’t feel anything about her being gone.  I am not angry, yet I am not grieving either. Wondering if this is normal?

Many years the Lord has been working on me in the area of forgiveness, and each and every time I learn to forgive through HIS power.  I believe I did forgive her along time ago, but our relationship was never restored. Mostly because we never had one.

I pray that she was open to the LORD before she left here.  I hurt for my Step Dad who is still at the loss of his mother. But most of all, I wonder if the past will ever stop showing up to throw dark clouds on us, causing us to stumble. Be patient with ones who have an abusive past, the devil uses it against us, over and over and over…and if they admit to one abuse, I believe there were many more..abuse has a cycle..much damage is done to heart that has been abused…more than we want to look at,  or admit to.

Thank you God for delivering us…we were not created to be mistreated, but to give you Glory..YOU are the GOD of my yesterday, today, and no doubt of my tomorrows…Let you Glory shine in these times…don’t allow it to be for no reason…

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Filed under family, forgiveness, God, healing, heart, life, princess entries, reflections, relationship, restoration

Are you Broken-hearted?


We all suffer at times. Sometimes our hearts are broke in a million                pieces, and hopelessness sets in.  Wondering…how will we ever put it all back together the way it was? We won’t. But God will put it back together, but not the same as it was, better!

Psalm 34:18
The
Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 147:1
He Heals the Brokenhearted
Praise the
Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the
brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Isaiah 61:1
The Year of the
Lord‘s Favor
The Spirit of the Lord
God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound

(These verse were taken from the ESV, and the underlined/italicized  words are my emphasis.)

I wish so much I could take your face in my hands and cause you to look up, to dry your tears, and whisper “HE is here, reach for HIM.” Although this is the worst time you can imagine, you are in the perfect place to see HIS Glory, to know HIS touch to your heart, to experience HIS warmth and love wrap around you like a blanket.  I know HE is there with you. I have been where you are, and will be there again no doubt, as we live in this world that is falling apart, and have an enemy that is bent on destroying us, our marriages, our children, and what ever we hold dear.  I believe nothing touches HIS heart as tenderly as HIS child holding out her/his hands with a tear stained face.   Crying out I hurt.

I know as a mother, I would swoop up my kids in my arms, and wipe tears, and speak softly, and do all in my power to comfort them.  How much greater is our GOD to love on HIS children and then go a step beyond,…heal the broken heart, and restore things to a level that is glorifying to HIM.  No one messes with HIS babies…and walks away without knowing that HE is the KING of KINGS, and your Daddy, your heart healer…((HUGS))

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Filed under Bible, deliverance, encouragement, family, God, healing, heart, hope, life, Love, princess entries, restoration, Truth

Overwhelming Love

When my I was pregnant with my first child, her father died. There are no words for what I felt or thought during those remaining three months of pregnancy. No one could console me. I locked myself in my room, and only family saw me, when they intruded in my space.  No words came from my lips. No tears fell from my eyes. Total numbness.

At some point in the last month, I came to life again, or what I felt life would be from this point on… As I slept , I had a dream and I saw her in my dream, this perfectly beautiful baby girl with a face just like her daddy’s, and I felt a love for her that I didn’t know I could posess. My mom felt sorry for me, and consistently told me “its just a dream…God will not show you her before she is born.” But HE did. When I gave birth to her, instead of looking in to her eyes for the first time, I knew I already did. My heart broke in a million pieces, my very cold, hard heart, shattered. How could someone so wonderful come from someone like me? My past was so dirty.

I know that God shattered my heart, and then piece by piece HE is still putting it back together. It took me 18 years to allow HIM to console me, and to begin the healing process.

I know how very much I love my children. I am totally nuts over them! There is nothing I will not attempt to do to make thier lives easier, and to put a smile on thier face.  There is no danger I will not step into to keep them safe. As I looked at my first daughter yesterday, and saw her smile, I remembered how much we have gone through. How much love she stirred in me from the beginning that I had no idea I was capable of.  God stirred my heart…HE loves her even more than I do..all of us..an Overwhelming Love that we can not comprehend in our wildest dreams.  In comparison of how much I love my children, God’s love for us is so much higher, deeper, wider,  longer…perfect love….I stand amazed and in awe of that LOVE that HE had to teach me. Not only that I possess a fraction of the love, but to help me wrap my head around the intensity of HIS.

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Filed under Amazement, Beautiful, dreams, family, God, heart, life, Love, princess entries

Look What God Has Done

I truly have been blessed beyond measure, and so have you. But we do have to look for it. Acknowledge that all good things come from God.

I started blogging while in a pit, and asking for accountability and desire to know HIM more and love HIM more…HE answers those kind of prayers..not as we might think, but as HE sees beneficial to us.

Posting some pics here of the blessings HE has given me the last couple of weeks! People who have fanned the fire of my soul, friendships that will last an eternity, and a safe place to bare my soul. Thank you God for your provisions!

Katrina/Deb Hannaford/Derek

Katrina/Deb Hannaford/Derek

me & Hubs/Deb/ Dale and Gracie Hill

me & Hubs/Deb/ Dale and Gracie Hill

(for the record- Tam(inprogress) is standing on the table for this pic-LOVE HER)

Mr & Mrs B4dguy/Michelle Mills/Deb

Mr & Mrs B4dguy/Michelle Mills/Deb

so in love with this family~B4dguys family!

so in love with this family~B4dguys family!

B4dguy/Ric Booth grilling...awesome!

B4dguy/Ric Booth grilling...awesome!

Can’t remember B4d’s son and daughter in law’s name (in the background), but I will always remember how he took a background check on us! LOL My God is big enough to cover small details like that!  Patty (Ric’s wife) is beautiful but camera shy, and makes the best chocolate cake I ever ate!

we had church together! these are our worship leaders, AMAZING!

we had church together! these are our worship leaders, AMAZING!

Just wanted to share what GOD has been doing, in uniting more of the body of Christ, answering my prayers to know HIM more and love HIM more, and showing me how very beautiful it is know people who have hearts for HIM, and live life to the fullest, as we know it is also a gift!

Coming soon…pics of TAM (inprogress) and her vacation with all of us, as she was still on the west coast, she is talented like that!

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Filed under Beautiful, blessings, Blogsville, Church, encouragement, family, finger of God, freedom, friendships, gifts, God, life, Love, praise, prayer, princess entries, relationship, Summer Break

Fixing my Focus…

Facebook.  Twitter.  Blogs. Outreach. Church. Family. Life good and bad. Work. Friendships. None of which are bad things, but if not in the correct priority is demolition to my walk with Christ. So my struggles, and my lack of “livehappy” is my own doing.

Since my top priority is walking with the LORD, and being all that I can be in HIM, i needed to make some difficult decisions.

~my time with God comes first in the day or this laptop does not open til it happens.

~I am moving my writing to Philter48 because that is my call to write and to be a light that shines, and the accountability that goes with it. I am sure this is a good move.

~Being a part of a church family is God’s will for me…HE has placed me with a group of people who have a heart for the lost, and maybe for the first time I feel like I am home and with my vision “An Army of Love”.  Been struggling with this, but time to stop fighting it and move on with it.

~limiting my facebook time, and my twitter time, but not feeling like I need to stop it.

~family is important to me, and I am working on being more flexible with them, they are a gift from God.

~my friendships are important to me, and I want to be more open to spend more time with them.

~embracing the life God has given to me unselfishly, and living happy, being grateful, and keeping a Kingdom focus.

If you want to read more of ponderings, you will find them at Philter48. My outreach to search and rescue people who are bound by the enemy unknowingly.   You can follow me on Twitter and also on Facebook.

Love you all, and hope to see you and hear from you…Peace

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Filed under Abiding, Accountability, Change, Church, direction, Facebook, family, friendships, God, life, Ministry, obedience, outreach, princess entries, twitter, work