Category Archives: dying to self

Upside down, Inside out

remembering when God turned my world upside down and inside out for my good…remembering how unsettling at times that was…didn’t know at that time that God would have to do that to me over again….and who knows? maybe several more times in my life…

About eight years ago, the path i was on…nothing short of incredible…three years ago, a mentor led me into a pit that scarred me in ways no one will ever know, but God knows.  Since then, it seems to be very easy for me to fall into my old life style at a drop of a hat!  I don’t let people very close to me, until i am pulling away into my seclusion that feels like home to me.

Thought that was all behind me.  Only to wake up recently and realize I live there again…

God is once again turning my heart, my life upside down and inside out, for my own good, and to bring HIM glory. Is it painful..yes.  Acceptance and affirmation have become idols, and they need to go…strange that when they let me down (and of course they will) my emotions become upset with God. Realize this now… I need to spend time in the word every day, and i need to listen to good praise music, i need to spend time in conversation with HIM…these are only my convictions, i don’t expect them to be yours.  My scars have been reopened, and wounds can only be healed HIS wounds, and who i am can only be found in HIM.

Its going to be worth it, and i have to believe that.

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Filed under Acceptance, Affirmation, bondage, convictions, dying to self, God, heart condition, Idolatry, idols, lack of life, life, painful, princess entries, seclusion, wounds

gave a fortuneteller a ticket…

(this is a true story, happened about 7 years ago)

While in Baltimore, MD’s Inner Harbor, i was confronted with a very hard truth, and although i didn’t understand it, and have really beaten myself up over it, and similar events in my Christ-follower life…while reading Fran’s post..God really spoke to my heart. and this is the story of how it is possible to take a huge step forward…and in the same hour..allow the flesh to drag you back…

i was in Baltimore MD’s Inner Harbor for a Beth Moore conference, i had an extra ticket, and lots of extra time to kill before the conference. we (the two other women with me) decided it would be a good idea to walk around Inner Harbor, and maybe we would find someone who would like to go and i could give them the ticket.  You know i could not give that ticket away, and it was soon time for us to get to the arena.  My heart was so pulled to go back to the mall, and give the ticket to the fortune teller…i know crazy..but Jesus loved her too, and we did make eye contact…the other women laughed at me, but reluctantly went with me…i entered her little tent/booth, and she said..”i know the future”, I replied ” i do too”, i then gave her the ticket, and told her to “please try to come, i know that God wants you to be there, HE loves you so”. her eyes softened, she smiled, and put it in her purse.

As i turned around i found that i was totally alone, the women had not only moved closer to the door, but went outside the mall…instantly my flesh was in a tizzy!  they started to make fun of me for doing what i did, and it didn’t stop there…when we got into the arena, it was very crowded…one of the women with me yanked at my ticket and said “are you sure there isn’t some demon you’d like to give this too?”…my ticket fell and people were walking on it…i had to scramble to get my ticket, then catch back up to them.  I was so angry, i wouldn’t look at them, i wouldn’t talk to them, i was wishing i wasn’t even there, and thinking of where else i could go to sleep so i could be far from them!

i just experienced the power of God, and the love of Jesus in a most beautiful way…and i could not show love to the church women who were with me…my heart sank, at a time when i wanted to be overjoyed in Christ, i was grieved not only by thier actions but by my own.

The next day at the last conference…at the altar call..i am sure that i seen her (the fortune teller) walk to the front and in all those people, i was amazed to see her, and to be so sure in my spirit that it was her.  I never seen her again, never had another conversation with her, but i believe i will see her when we all get to heaven.

Outreach, street people, homeless, underprivileged, drug addicts…God has put on my heart, i find them beautiful, i know HE loves them. But with out fail…i experience the presence of God, and then soon after i experience my flesh and the need for it to die more…i experience the anger of the enemy, and wonder why i don’t stand stronger at that time…i don’t pretend to know the mind of God, but i do know, that with each experience…i am learning to look more like Jesus and less like me…there is no room in my life with Christ, for pride, and a huge place for being humble.

if you get a chance to check out my awesome sista Fran’s blog..leave her a comment, and whole lotta luv!

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Filed under Beth Moore, bitterness, dying to self, God, Jesus, Kingdom living, life, Love, outreach, presence of God, princess entries

Blogged Bible Study – Galatians 2

Reading this chapter, fresh was the way to do it this time for me.  I have read it many times and heard different leaders speak on it, and still something bothered me about it.  The LORD is good to shine new lights, and HE knows how my brain works!  In the past I have watched people take this book and bash Peter, and do it by saying they are following Pauls example. (Remember, Paul heard, then he saw, then he confronted – this is not how I see many confrontations taking place.) The problem I have with that is God also had Peter write two books of the Bible and I can’t excuse them as its a whole book from cover to cover.  SO my question to my self before GOD was, “what am I supposed to make of this?” and “doesn’t there have to be more to this than just confrontation?”  Here is what I came up with…

It does not matter how much you love Jesus, or how very much you are setting out to serve HIM, there will always be something there that will cause you to think “well maybe this will apply as well”.  I see Peter that way, and he fell to Legalism, as do many many well meaning Christ Followers.  Then I look at Paul, and it was right for him to call Peter on it.  This particular chapter is not just about “False Teachers” as whole.  This chapter is following up the verse in chapter one that I started this study with.

Gal. 1:4 who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of God our Father…

Gal. 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I know longer live,but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of GOD, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Do you see the theme? Jesus death on the cross was enough! Its finished, HIS words not mine.

This chapter is about knowing your freedom in Christ, and what the blood of Jesus has done for each of us, and allow no man to alter that in the slightest way, the result in this instance was bondage to Legalism. (Which in my opinion, is the strongest bondage in the Body of Christ today! point fingers at someone else, judge unjustly, tell someone how to dress for church,anything that adds to the Gospel message for human gain..Legalistic!)

Once you are bound by something, it seems to be easier to fall to anything.

What do you believe? Does your belief system work for you?  In this chapter I see two loved very much by Christ, both serving HIM, and a confrontation needed to help one out of the bondage that has started to consume him.  Can you relate to thinking you are on the right track, only to find later deception was trying to tie you down?  It happens, pray that it does not happen to you?  I am praying for the same thing for myself.  Let’s not bash Peter, and let’s not put Paul on a pedestal.  But look at the application, we will soon enough be on both sides of it in some point in our life.

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Filed under Bible, Bible Study, bondage, dying to live, dying to self, freedom, Galations, God, Jesus, judging, Legalism, life, Love, Only ONE Gospel

Worship with me..accept the mission

If you believe in Jesus Christ, and call yourself Christian/Christ follower..then you can walk away from the message that is laid out here, but the minute you open your front door and step out-You have entered the Mission Field…accept the mission..it’s what you were made for.  Pray for you fire to be ignited again, pray to see the person that God has put in your path to witness too.  By all means..show some love and mercy..that is the loudest testimony! Our life is testimony, and it should look like Worship 24/7! Peace

 

Leeland-tears of the saints

Kutless- sea of faces

Toby Mac- made to love

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Filed under believe, Change, Christianity, dying to self, Faithfulness, Glory of God, Grace, hope, life, Love, mercy, outreach

Philippians 1:19-20

Philippians 1

verse 19,20  for I know that the through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or death.

 

In verse 4 of this same chapter, Paul tells the Philippians of his prayers for them, now this verse is his prayer request for them to lift him up. Paul is asking for deliverance, he wants them to pray for it. It is not about life or death. His prayer is for his witness to be Christ no matter what happens.  Regardless of imprisonment or death, or freedom..Paul is asking that he continue to glorify Christ in his body.  

While studying through these two verses, again I am blown away at Paul’s faith.  He is not doubting that there will be deliverance. He is believing that it will either be worldly and temporal or heavenly eternal. Still deliverance.  His focus is on Christ, and how to glorify HIM.  

Just something to think about…remember Paul used to be Saul, who persecuted Christians. I am sure he saw many amazing things in those martyrs deaths.  Stephen..singing praise while being stoned…and I am sure the others had something of Christ about them while they died.  Now Paul is looking at the same thing for himself.  He wants Christ to be glorified in his body.  

Over at Philter48 , we have talked about different things this could mean, and purity is one of them..very interesting thoughts..go over and check the conversations out, join in where ever you choose, or just read..  I would love to hear your thoughts on these two verses, either here or over there in our Philippians Study Conversations.  Peace.  Christ be glorified in our bodies, whether we live or die…amazing, good stuff!


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Filed under believe, Bible, Bible Study, Christianity, deliverance, dying to live, dying to self, freedom, Glory of God, God, Heaven, hope, Jesus, life, Philippians, prayer, scripture, Truth, Yoke of Christ

Desire = suffering?

Today while reading Experiencing GOD Day-by-Day, by Henry & Richard Blackaby, something hit me differently than ever before in this passage.

Matthew 16: 24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “if anyone desires to come after ME, Let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow ME.”  

So many have been fed a gospel that is comfortable, and requires no suffering, then when these things happen, they walk away from God.  Sounding off about how HE did not fulfill HIS promises, and the Christian walk just doesn’t work.  If you feel this way..you have been misled!  This walk isn’t comfortable most of the time, and suffering is par for the course…really.  Jesus suffered to bring us salvation, and we, too, will suffer as we spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  We are not now nor will ever be greater than our master.  

Still desire HIM?  I hope you say yes.  Although at times, we cry out with pain, we have a constant friend who is closer than a brother, the Holy Spirt.  HE will guide us, comfort us, teach us, and intercede for us.  The benefits of knowing Christ, and making HIM known are far greater than any suffering.  Just look around you…this world is cursed, and its going to fall apart. You can’t stop it, you can try, but you can’t stop it.  All the petitions and phone calls to your congressmen and senators is not going to change the course that God has already laid out.  HIS plan does not have flaws.  

The one who truly desires HIM, is carrying thier cross(what ever that may be), and believing that HE is worth it!  I believe that HE is worth it.

Father God, please hear our cries for your mercy on us and the world around us. Please help us to walk in step with your Spirit, to deny ourself and pick up our cross. Life in this world is so temporal in comparison to an eternity with YOU.  Yes, YOU are worth it.  Help us to stand strong, help us to be lights to a dying world. Please unveil the eyes of the ones that are misled about you. Give them and us a hunger for your Word, and to believe with all our hearts its Truth.  Your princess who believes you are worth it, and we just are not home yet.

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Filed under believe, Bible, Christianity, dying to live, dying to self, Faithfulness, finger of God, God, Holy Spirit, Jesus, life, princess entries, servanthood, Stand, Surrender, Truth, Yoke of Christ