Daily Archives: December 28, 2013

My New Husband

When I lost my husband, God was very clear to me that He would now be my husband.  Didn’t understand all that meant then, still don’t.

I received a package of gifts before Christmas along with an envelope with $500.00 dollars, the exact amount I was short to finish this month.  Then I decided that I would use some of it to give to my children for Christmas. We had planned to not have Christmas.  They deserved Christmas, they are awesome, and its been a hard year for them as well.  No one knew I was short in my bills, no one knew my plan for my kids.  Another envelope comes, the exact amount of money I just put in cards for my kids. Just a note…from Jesus.

Recently, battling depression, working long hours, and holding my kids close to get them thru this, Crying every time I am alone to God.  Wondering what is this life for, what does it mean that you are my husband.  Missing someone who has rejected me with out reason, Missing the life I once had,  Then God provides financially.  I am grateful. Also feeling  guilty for my own selfish needs.  I wonder if God comes down and holds one, gives that physical touch, or a smile of approval.  I miss the human things,  Wonder if this is what it means to be his wife, why am I not more grateful to have the greatest one of all be my husband.  Still wondering what does that mean. Will He still protect me from all the elements that seem to be against me.   Grateful that He understands this post, and knows my heart.

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