October 15, 2013 · 8:05 PM
Daily struggles with my own identity. hate it…
Its easy to quote scripture, and recite well meaning advice.
Difficult to make a heart connection.
Lately, I bring to the table, my fears, my anxiety, my future, and my heart.
My past is awful, who would want to be part of such a person?
Now the awful “W” word stalks me at every turn…
as if it defines me somehow. hate it!
Insecurity and rejection have been my greatest fears…when did this happen?
Again, I bring it to the Only One who knows, and the Only One who can help me.
As I look for myself in all the new things in my life, I pray to be found in Him. I also pray to be delivered from all the titles that have been given me over the years. I pray to feel beautiful, and to feel like I belong again. Life was so much easier when love lived here…not sure that will happen for me again, but I can’t fear rejection. There is no life in fear…perfect love casts out fear. How does that work with a damaged heart, and a horrific past.
He brought me here this evening as I searched my heart for my own motives in my choices…
Isaiah 54:4,5 Living Translation
Fear not, you will no longer live in shame,
Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace of your youth
and the sorrows of widowhood.
For your Creator will be your husband;
the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name!
Thank you God, for calming my heart, and giving me the strength to come this far, I am never rejected by you. Help me to be satisfied with this truth, Its not the end of my life, its the beginning…
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ponderings of a princess... 
You embark on a new adventure…as a child learning new steps, reshaping the way you think, renewing your mind in Christ. Fill it with His words till there is no room for the voices that come and try to distract and hinder from this walk, journey through life with Him and Him alone. You will feel, probably do now that it is uphill, a hike up a mountain and one get so weary…but the view from the top – in His arms – looking through His eyes – it is soooo worth it!!!! My prayers go with you as you climb for the vision of what your new life will be.
thank you Gracie! an uphill journey or battle daily…and still within me is the strength and desire to keep climbing…this is no where…must keep moving up…
This has been out there for awhile…not sure how I missed it.
I love you. Your witness through the darkness is a shining light to me. So many hurts and trauma in life — the woundedness of a child’s heart reaches deep into adulthood, coloring all our choices in life. Oh Darla, I wish I could hug you. We haven’t walked the exact same path, but the similarities are enough that I feel your hurt. He does speak to us through the pain. Only in suffering is wisdom and obedience forged.
Prayers…always!