Learning to trust God as a Father is easier to pass off in “Christianese” than it is to actually walk off. Those who know my story, know I was raised by a Step father, and altho he wasn’t perfect, he did try to take care of me and my family. But he could not fill the void. God has filled that void..that longing I used to struggle with night and day. There are many more aspects to understand in the trusting a Father. Especially one that can not be seen, one that sees a bigger picture than i could ever see. And one who has a plan that i don’t understand.
Believing God is where my spiritual journey has taken me. So much zeal and walking in Faith, so in love with HIM. Some of the huge steps in faith, in obedience to HIM, struggling to comply, seemed to leave me with hurt, fear, and alone in a Christian world that does not like broken people like myself. After banging my head against this wall, HE began to show me things that blow me away.
here is just a few…but amazing to me all the same
* After being obedient in a tough situation, i felt abandoned by HIM.
* I pleaded with HIM for years to send me someone who thinks like this…these strong convictions..
*I tried to walk it out alone, and it honestly does not work
* a stronghold developing of prayerlessness, because of the bitterness that was setting in
* my life line of faith crumbling slowly
* where do i go from here?
I was obedient to HIM, and I was rejected by many, but not HIM. HE brought me to a group of believers recently who accept me, and best of all…they have heard HIS voice too! They blow me away with just putting things out there week after week that is exactly what HE sent me to say, to put in place, to live. An answer to my pleading prayers? i think so. Still a little shy to step out there again. Needing to believe HIM again, knowing that it doesn’t always turn out like i think.
Remembering CS Lewis “He is not always safe, but He is good”.
Lots to learn and put into practice here at the Wall. More and more Father lessons, More and more sitting at HIS feet, More and more purifying to happen…