Feeling jaded…struggling with what i thought to be my faith, only to find out religion has caused me much grief. Its taken me far from my Creator, and even caused much turmoil in my spirit. For the last 10 years or so…all I really wanted was to be accepted by a people who had rejected me. Oh I knew how to do it this time…I knew what to say, I knew how to look, and was brushing up on my theology. Accepted I was. Let down, and confused I became. I am accepted in Christ, and that is enough for me.
Coming back from the pit that I lived in most my life, had changed me. I developed the beginning of a relationship with my Creator, and the one place that I thought would rejoice with me, and help me to grow..did not…jaded…
It felt so good to be accepted with them…but my heart grew tired, confused, easily agitated..for the last two years, I wonder why? I’ve been called “Critical”, “unloving”. In all my questions, answers like this “you are judging the body of Christ, and bad things will happen to you”…the politics of religion…legalism…do it like this…look like this…don’t talk so much about relationship, its not teachable…
After spending what seems like an endless amount of time…asking God over and over…”why can’t i get back to where we were in this relationship? I miss you.”
There is no room for religion in this Relationship! Great! but that is scary in itself. Learning to let go of my religion, in order to grasp the relationship.
I am going to start posting my fresh new look at scripture that I have memorized, and go deeper with the Lord, in the way they apply to me… Believing God and making it a life style is not a religion, its a relationship.
ponderings of a princess... 
I know how this feels. I want a closeness with God that I’m absolutely struggling to find right now. Thanks for sharing.
wondering if it is “holy discontent”…it definitely is driving me to seek harder, and causing my heart to feel overwhelmed with desire to be closer…letting go of things that pose as the way is difficult for me, all the while i know…Jesus is the way…
I can’t claim that anything about mine is really “holy” at this point. I’m totally dis-satisfied with my own commitment to Christ, with my own level of faith and determination, and a lot of other things. Much of my problem is a spiritual burnout – too much time mentally fighting and debating theology and this and that, and too much doubt. I see huge problems with much of what the church does and teaches, yet I feel that there is little hope of change without hurting people and losing further ground. I can’t trust emotion and emotionalism, yet I’m disappointed with the resulting lack of emotion. Way too many times I feel that there is little or no use and that God is several million light years away, and that anything I feel is actually just something I convince myself of.
I experienced a real worship moment yesterday, though, when I heard this song by the Isaacs for the first time. Daggone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yakMSwAbAM8
On and on I could go, but this really isn’t about your post 🙂
it may have more to do with this post than is written…i am sorry that you are experiencing this on any level, my faith has been severely shaken, i am deperate to hold on now to what i know is truth. Arguing with theologians, and digging to have the perfect answer is what steals our faith. I am convinced.
In Mark 9…it shows the disciples argueing with the theologians of their time…and then called to perform a miracle that they had been empowered to do, but it failed…Jesus questioned them “why are you arguing with them?” their faith was distracted at some point in that argument…
just read it and see what you get from it…set it up in your mind….what is going on… just my thinking..but alot of us seem to be going through something similar..and i wonder if Jesus is saying “what are you arguing with them for?”
I can relate completely with this. It is so difficult to let go of what I wanted to be a part of when I delved back into my faith. I have had to step back and re-examine relationship compared to religion.
I am looking forward to following this journey. I will be refreshing and a help. Thank you for your openness!