Monthly Archives: March 2010

Surprised! its a trust issue

sometimes God uses the element of surprise to get straight to my heart, and been asking for that for sometime…a heart change.

on sunday our church played a clip with a guy speaking of his childhood, father murdered, mother suicide, and how he is today, still messed up (in my opinion) but learning to hold on to God and accept HIS plan for him. tough stuff…

of course the element of surprise hit quite a few notes in my heart…the enemy raced in to be his ignorant self.  didn’t hear too much of the service after that, but my emotions and thoughts seemed to go nuts!  while i fought to keep my mind focused, the LORD just spoke into my chaotic heart…soft and firm..”you don’t trust me”…that revelation that is mild in comparison of what others hear…was devastating to me.  you see i want to trust HIM, i know longer want to understand the past, and for long periods of time i am believing that i trust HIM.  Just a video of someone i didn’t even know, and just the words murder, suicide..disappointed at that moment that everything in my reacted so differently from what i believe.

God is walking this out with me…i understand Soveriegnty, i understand LOVE, but somehow my mind needs to grasp that HE is all of HIS attributes at once…the enemy needs shut out once and for all, and my trust in HIM should not be so easily shaken.

so today i rejoice in the fact that- i asked HIM to help my unbelief, i know that alot of areas where i fall down at is a result of unbelief…battled for months with where and why do i have this…and now i know…i don’t trust him with everything..do you? how do you do that? are you for real or just giving me the sunday school version because you know that? i know that too..then there is a heart connect, where words and actions should become one and the same..

asked God recently to spare anothers heart, and pleaded with HIM, to want to …odd huh?  and with in 45 minutes a phone call told me, the miraculous had happened in that persons life….again the soft voice…”princess trust me”

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Filed under finger of God, God, healing, heart, heart condition, hope, insecurity, life, Love, princess entries, trust

i can’t sleep!

having tons of trouble sleeping. i fall asleep okay, but don’t seem to get into that last phase of sleep…wake up, go back to sleep,wake up…sleepy all day…limiting my caffiene intake, my sugar intake…

what do you all do to help you sleep?  or maybe you never have this problem… plz don’t tell me its my age..i have considered that..

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Filed under life, nightlife, sleep, sleeplessness

watch your mouth, control your tongue!

Driving a bus for high school students is probably the most trying time of my day.  I can honestly say that i do my most heartfelt praying at that time.  praying for them to find HIM, to know that there is more to life than what they see right now, or what they feel. lots of times i am telling them to watch their mouth…the language that falls from their mouth would make a drunk sailor turn around.  lately it seems like i do this more than anything else, calling them on language. wears me down..really.

Thinking about how hurtful our tongue can be to others, and we don’t need to use foul language to do it. Sometimes its just how clever we think we are with a comeback, or a cut that makes us laugh or someone else, but someone is the victim of our tongue.  been thinking about this lately. alot of my struggles come from what someone else said to me, maybe even joking….no that doesn’t make me too sensitive, it makes me human.  so human that God put in the Bible, to control our tongue…it either edifies or destroys…it really doesn’t say that there is a middle gray area.

my prayer (at the top) of my list is to help me control my tongue, to speak truth, but not been callous to anothers perception of what i am saying.  i know thats a tall order for anyone to pull off. but isn’t our God big enough, strong enough, capable of helping us to carry out exactly what HE said to do?  i am thinking HE is.

peace…watch your mouth…and control that tongue!

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Filed under edify, God, life, mouth, tear down, tongue

Always wanted to walk on water

I have been struggling with myself while reading the book “So Long Insecurity”,  by Beth Moore , there are times that I am sure God has freed me from a lot of my past, and at the same time I know there is still work to be done on my heart, and more healing is in order.  Recently, I decided to lay the book down, my own thinking was, maybe i am just stirring a pot that doesn’t need stirred.  But then I realized…by the mighty hand of God, that my insecurity was being afraid of looking back, afraid of falling in my walk (and i have done that), and allowing my doubt to run my life, or ruin it….have you never wondered…what if, this time i have really gone too far..

Today while coming home from a very long trying day, this song came on the radio…there in my car, God touched my heart, and every word of it felt like God speaking directly to me..wonder if anyone else may need to hear this too…you know…i always wanted to take HIS hand and walk on the water…i may just do that!

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Filed under believe, Beth Moore, bondage, deception, deliverance, doubt, encouragement, Faithfulness, fear, God, healing, heart, hope, insecurity, life

Pray 4 your children(bc you love them)

These are my children (playing with mom’s Mac).  Absolutely adore these three people, i would go so far as to say they are my most favorite people in the whole world! if you have children you understand in my heart in that statement.

Praying for our children is the one thing that they need the most.  Money is awesome and they love it..but not really what they need the most. All the things we struggle with in our adult life, they have started struggling with by 12 years old.  pier-pressure is the worst ever, the people they come in contact with as they find their way in the world are anything but kind, so many will try to define them, and cause them to look at their self differently than God says they are. then there is also the task of not only looking for a mate, but wanting a mate.

Pray for children..set a time aside each morning with your coffee to just lift each one up to HIM, lay them at HIS feet to grow them, to lead them, to bring them closer to HIM, to protect them, to help them make good choices, and to help them to believe HIM. Pray for that spouse that HE has already picked for them, pray they wait for the one HE has chosen.(this is not something we need to wait to pray for..start right now)

Children are a gift from God to us, we have such a short time to influence their life with good values, directing them to God, holding them and reassuring them of the love we have for them…then ultimately they will take their place where God has planned for them. it doesn’t cost anything but your time, and only a few minutes a day, to love them like no one else will ever love them..praying for them because we love them.

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Filed under children, God, life, Love, prayer, princess entries

needing a heart change

Lord, we need a transformation of our mind, a renewing, a fresh look, a serious heart change.

Life seems to gradually desensitize us, and the wear and tear of daily living is anything but kind.

Its easy to fall into a depressing state of mind, while looking at the news.

Frustrating to watch the most intelligent people in the world try to fix it.

Believers are fighting with believers, and the world watches…and laughs.

People with advice who never leave their same minded circles, can not see.

Its necessity to lift our praises to You.

Praise dances need to fill the room.

Celebrations need to take place, because these are the signs of the times,

YOU are getting ready to come for us, we should be ecstatic!

Refocus us, help us to remember You, its all about You.

You have called us your bride…make us ready for that day!

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Filed under believe, Change, God, heart, hope, Kingdom living, life, princess entries, signs