Another piece of my story…

When I was a little girl in third grade, our house burned down along with 9 other row houses. Ours was in the middle of the nine and we lost everything. My brother started the fire, deliberately hoping to kill my step-father(who really is a saint!).  No one died, just six months of rebuilding, and being seperated as a family. There were five kids in my family, and we all stayed with someone different.  I was sick the night of the fire, and my brother saved me (always hits kind of strange as he started it). But the next day, we found out that I had “old fashioned type” measles, the kind your infants are innoculated for, I guess mine didn’t work.  I had to stay with my Step Grandmother for one week in a dark room to keep the measles from taking my eye sight. It doesn’t sound like a bad deal, but she was so mean to me.  She wasn’t happy that she inherited 4 grandchildren, and was sure I was going to steal from her.  Mostly I was just terrified of her.  After the abuse my Dad inflicted on my family, my step dad was a saint to take us all and keep us.  His mom did not feel the same, and was very open about it.  I was only there for 10 days, and my aunt came to get me, and I stayed with her very old parents the remainder of the 6 months.  It was a very long six months…My mom was at my step Grandmothers, but us kids were not allowed to stay, so we all lived somewhere different.

This weekend she died.  My Step dad always witnessed to her, and hoped that she truly did accept the Lord.  As a believer, I prayed for her, but in all honesty, I am numb.  I don’t feel anything about her being gone.  I am not angry, yet I am not grieving either. Wondering if this is normal?

Many years the Lord has been working on me in the area of forgiveness, and each and every time I learn to forgive through HIS power.  I believe I did forgive her along time ago, but our relationship was never restored. Mostly because we never had one.

I pray that she was open to the LORD before she left here.  I hurt for my Step Dad who is still at the loss of his mother. But most of all, I wonder if the past will ever stop showing up to throw dark clouds on us, causing us to stumble. Be patient with ones who have an abusive past, the devil uses it against us, over and over and over…and if they admit to one abuse, I believe there were many more..abuse has a cycle..much damage is done to heart that has been abused…more than we want to look at,  or admit to.

Thank you God for delivering us…we were not created to be mistreated, but to give you Glory..YOU are the GOD of my yesterday, today, and no doubt of my tomorrows…Let you Glory shine in these times…don’t allow it to be for no reason…

Advertisements

12 Comments

Filed under family, forgiveness, God, healing, heart, life, princess entries, reflections, relationship, restoration

12 responses to “Another piece of my story…

  1. pastortee

    Great story!! So happy God has delivered you from your past in the way He has.
    There are many who turn away from God when faced with similar circumstances.
    I’m proud to know you listened!

  2. Thanks for reading..GOD is good all the time..and even when the enemy beats us up, I know that GOD still has a plan and not to harm us, but to help us!

  3. I believe I did forgive her along time ago, but our relationship was never restored. Mostly because we never had one.

    … ditto for both my dad and step-dad. I’ve only know strained and awkward relationships with both. I am learning to be grateful for awkward.

    I hear you about neither being angry or grieving as well. Your reaction sounds very similar to mine when my step-dad passed away — so I’m hoping this is normal (for our sakes 😉 ).

    I am sorry for your loss Darla.

  4. thanx Ric! yah i think we are normal..the rest of the world may not agree but whatever! hahaha love ya man, hope things are going well for you.

  5. Thank you for sharing your story. I was neglected, but never physically abused.

    The best way to make those dark clouds from the past stay away, as much as possible, is to learn how to forgive, which is of course a lot easier said than done.

    I hope your faith has helped to teach you forgiveness, and has brought you the peace we all need.

  6. Ambe

    Okay I think I am finished complaining about my up bringing. Sorry about your grandma, hope she is in the Lord’s bosom.

    When Jesus was being nailed to the Cross He said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” What is funny about forgiveness, it starts with us and ends with God. The person that hurt us has their thing to deal with. Forgiveness is a seed that when it blooms that person does not have to pick it or look at it or even know that it exists. But we have to water it from the Well that never runs dry.

    I know from my own live that abuse unaddressed is not healthy. Call it by name and when it raises it head, call on the Holy Spirit to deal with, ‘Cast you cares on the One that cares for you.’

  7. Ambe-“I know from my own live that abuse unaddressed is not healthy. Call it by name and when it raises it head, call on the Holy Spirit to deal with, ‘Cast you cares on the One that cares for you.” Very wise words!

    I am glad that when those things do arise in me, i have the LORD to talk to about them, and most often a lesson to learn is in order. I think this time HE is showing me how far the east is from the west, while i seemed untouched by the enemy and his tactics. and yes, Father forgive them, for they know not what they do…and forgive me too.

    Ed- “I hope your faith has helped to teach you forgiveness, and has brought you the peace we all need.” this is so very true! my faith has taught me that it is impossible for me to move forward positively unless i forgive. I am traveling light today! 😉

  8. oh Darla. Thank you so much for sharing your heart once again. You are beautiful.

    Hugs
    steph.

  9. Darla, I love hearing about the restorative power of God even in the most dire of circumstances. Bless you for shining your light to guide others who might be struggling with a difficult past.

  10. Thank you for sharing your story. I was neglected, but never physically abused.

    The best way to make those dark clouds from the past stay away, as much as possible, is to learn how to forgive, which is of course a lot easier said than done.

    I hope your faith has helped to teach you forgiveness, and has brought you the peace we all need.;. All the best!!

  11. God is good, ALL the time..and although my story seems horrific at best…i know that HE uses all things for Good..and now many years later, I am good with that!

  12. oh wow. As you know my situation, this hits on so many levels. I’m so sorry for the tragedy that you lived through as a child! I know that God can use it, but I do think He still weeps for it. So it’s okay if I do. Yes abuse is a cycle. And it does SO much damage. Yet even then, there is a Name under heaven, at which every knee shall bow. This Name is my Rock, my fortress, my strong tower. I run to Him and am safe. I shall not fear the terror that comes by night, nor the arrow that flies by midday, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness. “Because (s)he has loved me,” declared the Lord, “I will deliver h[er]. With a long life will I satisfy h[er] and show h[er] my salvation.” Amen.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s