This has been my Struggle

There has been an intense struggle the last few months.  Its over.  My thinking was twisted, due to following man rather than God. Sounds harsh….but the truth is, my own longing to belong to the body of Christ, and my own thinking on what that is exactly, caused me to only hear what man more educated than me has to say about that.  That was my first mistake…God has always been there to teach me and to lead me, and I believed that HE was handing me off to someone.  My worst fear became a reality. The fire for Christ and to spread the Gosple began to die down. After trying to talk through it with a man, I realized he did not understand me, and I have been judged.  Is this all part of God’s plan? yes.  My longing to be part of..was off.  I already am part of the body of Christ. When I get hurt by the “believers”, I tend to take that out on the ONE i love the most.  (They said i was part of their family..me..the one who never really had a family..so what do I know about this..apparently nothing. Please do not take this as a slam on the church, I don’t believe they are wrong, yet I also believe that God wants my attention, and now HE has it.) God changed my husbands schedule forcing us to walk another direction, because HE loves us, and HE knows what HE is doing, and me..not so much.

The LORD has brought me back to HIS side, reminding me that I am never alone, and HE never tires of me asking questions, and HE never feels like HE has invested too much time in me. Just the opposite, HE wants to invest time in me.  HE used my daughter this week to show me videos, that actually broke through my fog I have been walking in, and I am sharing them with you. In the order that I have them in, is the conversation between me and God. I hope it helps your heart too, where ever you may be on this road.  No one trumps God, and what HE has spoken to your heart. And no one can know or discern your heart without investing time in you. God is the only ONE who truly knows your heart..follow HIM.

For some reason the one that speaks my heart the best in this struggle will not embed..sooo if you would like to hear it go here  

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14 Comments

Filed under conversing with God, family, finger of God, God, Grace, healing, heart, heart condition, hope, Identity, life, mercy, princess entries, repentance, restoration, video

14 responses to “This has been my Struggle

  1. Darla….

    “The LORD has brought me back to HIS side, reminding me that I am never alone, and HE never tires of me asking questions, and HE never feels like HE has invested too much time in me. Just the opposite, HE wants to invest time in me.”

    I am so happy that God has caught you and your attention! I have missed your interaction and connection… I have prayed for you, throught about you, and I’m glad that God has finally broken through!

    “My longing to be part of..was off. I already am part of the body of Christ. When I get hurt by the “believers”, I tend to take that out on the ONE i love the most. ”

    Yeah I relate to that – can’t we all? 🙂

    “No one trumps God, and what HE has spoken to your heart. And no one can know or discern your heart without investing time in you. God is the only ONE who truly knows your heart..follow HIM.”

    Amen, my sister! Please, email me! I love you so much!

  2. TheNorEaster

    “When I get hurt by the ‘believers’, I tend to take that out on the ONE I love the most.”

    A very real, very true aspect of love.

    Heck, I’ve known many people who do not “believe” and yet they have more anger at God than is rational or healthy.

    We need to remember: There is a difference between the students and The Teacher.

    And I think we need to share that knowledge as well. Every time we share The Gospel, actually. For if we say, “We are ‘real’ Christians” (or “good” or “authentic” or “whatever”) we take the attention off The Cross and put it on ourselves. And that, we simply cannot do. But every time we share our failures, sins, and shortcomings, we are pointing to The One who has never failed or sinned. The One Who is full.

    Miss you, Princess. Hope you’re feeling better.

    And, Trina, if you’re reading this…Keep The Spirit’s fire burning. Cause, like, you’ve got a glow that could blind a man who has already lost his sight.

    Man, I miss youse guys! 😀

  3. Bajanpoet-thank you for your thoughts and prayers, I am blessed that HE is working in m heart to heal, and make me stronger in following hard after HIM, reguardless of my opinion.. LOL I will email you later, still fighting with infection, so I get tired quickly.

    Nor-words of wisdom..thanks, and we do miss you too! alot!

    HW- thanks for loving me!

  4. I pray that you will continue to have a fervent and vital relationship with Our Father.

    Sending you love, Darla. 🙂

  5. @ngie- i pray that too..i know my mistakes this time, and hope to see them turn around into some praise for my King. I do believe and I do love HIM, sometimes speaking truth to the ones who are in authority over us, no matter how much love we do it with, will not be received with a happy heart. Some of these lessons I am learning are hard, but necessary or HE wouldn’t take me through it. Thanks for sending me love, I am receiving it!

  6. “The LORD has brought me back to HIS side, reminding me that I am never alone, and HE never tires of me asking questions, and HE never feels like HE has invested too much time in me.”

    His love is amazing, steady and unchanging…

    I needed to read those words today, Darla. He loves me. He enjoys investing time in me. He doesn’t tire of me.

    Some people do…but not Him.

    Thank you, Princess. Love you much!

  7. Oh sister you are walking in His Grace, and abounding in His love.

    Our greatest fear is that we won’t be accepted for who we are, when one far greater accepts us as we are. He wants us to belong to Him and no other. He wants to Love us like no other.

    My prayers are with you as always. You are wonderful to have a sister in Christ.

    Peace and Love sis.

  8. Darla, thank you for sharing from your heart. This post is much appreciated! Blessings!

  9. Wow that is an awesome song (Beloved). They don’t play that one on the radio so I hadn’t heard it, but I love it. Things have been changing so much in my relationship with God lately, sometimes I begin to wonder if God still wants to relate to me in the same way that He has in the past. But this song reminds me of who God is and that He does still want to be intimate with me. I’m going to add it to my list of songs I want to download and burn onto a cd! Thanks for sharing it!

    Blessings, Jenny
    http://capturedbyGod.wordpress.com

  10. Tenth Avenue North–“I’m through asking why…”
    Thank you.
    Wish I could have heard that before my post today on “Dry Places.”
    (I’m going back and edit it anyway with a linkluv 4u.)

  11. Pingback: Dry Places « Practical Bible Teaching

  12. I hadn’t heard the second or third songs. The second … wow, was that moving. For me, anyway.

    You know you can e-mail, chat, call, text (hang on, we don’t have each other’s #s), anytime you want, hon. Seriously. I am so glad God is working through and with your trial. I miss my smiley Darla. 🙂 But I know that God’s plans are perfect – even the hard times have vital meaning for us. So I would not change the hard times. But at least we don’t have to walk through them alone. I’m always here for ya, babe. Love you!

  13. “It’s over.”
    “Back to HIS side.”

    Doncha just love these phrases? I love the first one. My Lord loves the second one. Thanks for sharing the struggle. For being real. For warning. I am glad for the fanning of the flames. I know this: my God is for me (Ps 56) and He’s for you!

    Blessings immeasurable to you!

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