This is who I am. I am a thinker. I am a question person. I am a learner. I am a follwer of Christ. I am not happy with the mundane, I am striving for something better and higher than me. I want to be a reflection of Jesus, not just in what I say but what I do.
I think about Jesus crying out to the Father to remove this cup from him…and in HIS agony, HE still choose what the Father wanted. HE was obedient to death, on a cross, without any sin, to be sin for me. HE has forgiven me and extended mercy to me, that is beyond what I can wrap my head around, but I know its true. As I read through HIS word, somethings make me cry out to HIM, because I want the cup to be removed from me, and I am not being asked to die on a cross for someone else. I am being told to pick up my cross, and follow. The forgiveness that was given to me is to be given to others, it doesn’t matter how I feel about it, it matters that HE has told me to do that. The mercy that I have been given, is to be given to others, again it doesn’t matter how I feel about it, it matters that HE is telling me to do it.
At times I cry out because my road seems so very narrow, and I just want some space on it…but HE does not give me that. I walk my doberman on a short leash, because she is easily distracted, and sometimes she only has a handle that attachs to her collar, because she is over anxious, and I can not control her when she is given too much room. And if she gets away from me, she could get hurt, or worse. She doesn’t know what is best for her, she only knows what she likes and what she wants. I am also on that short leash most of the time, and other times I am on the handle. Not because HE is mean, because HE is good, and knows what is best for me.
I will at times give questions without answers on this blog…but they are not ever pointed at one person..I am not judgemental. I am a sinner, I am a drug addict, I am an alcholic, abused and abuser, I know what its like to have no one, and I know what is like to steal to live…I know where I was when HE stooped into a pit of slime in all HIS holiness for me. This is who I am..and who I was, and who I will be is a picture of Jesus. GOd is not finished with me, and I am not finished with growing and learning more about HIM. But I don’t want to just learn, I want to live the thing. Every day, each waking moment, every single time something arises…I want my first thought to be “Father is this what you want for me?, and make me a teachable person so that I may learn and move on with it”.
I am not judging please do the same for me.
11 responses to “New things I am pondering…(rewrite)”
You are speaking to me — KEEP IT UP!!
I’m on a short leash too. 😯 😳 🙂
Love you, Darla!!!
Michelle- thank you for your kindness. That is a true picture of Jesus to me. Thanking HIM for you!
I didn’t get past the first Paragraph….
We were meant for perfection. We were not meant to walk in a world of sin, rot, and rust. That is why we become so uncomfortable in this world when we are walking with Christ.
Math 6 19-20
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
OK.. Now to read the rest of the post.
Then I get to here.
I love you sister.
This is wonderful. Glad to be on this journey with you.
The short leash isn’t all that bad 🙂
actions speak louder than words 😉
CK-thanks…you do understand what i am saying..thanks for loving me.
Praise- the short leash is okay…love you
bajan- ((HUGS)) back to you, you know me, honestly I want all that Father God will give to me, I want to live this thing!
This is really good Darla. I too, was struck by the first paragraph. You are saying such important things here – God knows where we all were, where we are, and where we will be, and in all of that, is not ashamed to call us His own. Praise God.
Really felt this post. Not sure how to articulate myself right now but it really hit me. I think about how much I want to be in that place where I want to know more, learn more, study more, be more, but I just don’t feel like I have the strength and energy right now, at a time like this in my life.
Good.. very good indeed! 🙂
Great analogy with your Dobie!
Who’s holding your leash? Who’s holding Scott’s? 😉
i don’t doubt that our human mind can often NEED to be on that short leash or we’ll run headlong across the highway and likely get hit by a Mack Truck… but truthfully – i don’t believe the hand on that leash is His! Would you put your kids on a leash? ( I know some parents actually DO that – some parents wrap us up in cotton wool to and find it hard to ‘let go’) I think God gives us a little more ‘credit’ than that… but there is still, at times, a need for that leash… so who ( or what if you prefer) is the leash held onto by???
Scripture perhaps? Holy Ghost? your ‘higher’ self? Who’s hand do you see/feel there at the times you want to run under a bus? (Aussie for ‘coach’/greyhound).
That ‘First Thought’ is a very good one…. can we live so that all our thoughts are brought ‘captive’ to Him – every single one?
What would we need to do to live that way – as Paul exhorted all bretheren to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5?
♥ ♥ ♥