Yesterday, it seemed like a normal Sunday morning. It quickly turned into something I was not ready for. I am thrilled that God is always ready and always knowing what I am walking into, and had a purpose of deliverance every single time HE allows me to fall.
As I walked through my church I saw a pic hanging on a board of a ministry that had started up close to me, and not being prepared for who I saw there, caused me great anger, then fear, darkness that seemed to close in on me. Fighting my mind, I listened to my Pastor preach, and what continued to yell to me was “when I am weak then I am strong in HIM”. I prayed. How can one pic turn me upside down and inside out so badly? I have forgiven this person, I was walked on, I am grounded in Christ like never before, I have a good church, and a church family who prays for me, and is very supportive.
Spiritual Abuse…I knew it happened to me, and I knew it was the grace of God and HIS mercy that lifted me out, and placed me with someone who could guide me in the way I needed to be. I had no idea the depths that it had touched me. The pic was of a pastor who had lied, who had wrecked my reputation, who ripped a church apart, who walked a way from the ministry. Leaving alot of people in this town in a spiritual desert of sorts, some walking away from the Lord, and others still coming out of it.
The goodness of the LORD surrounded me in my fears and tremblings, and even while I was unable to make sense of all that I was feeling…HE sent two different people to me. One encouraged me to remember the walk I have, and the power of the Spirit with in me, the other was a sister who had the same experience years ahead of me, and without much explanation she knew all that I was talking about..and guided me greatly in the direction for the understanding and healing that I need in this area.
I came from an abused life, I think my heart was so distorted and sick that when I met this person, I was an easy target. I have run from God all my life, and have allowed people to define who HE is, but not anymore. I am not running, and I wiser than I was, My GOD is great, and has once again delivered me from something that was intended to stop me, and now will make me even stronger.
ponderings of a princess... 
I love the sound of determination in your voice – to follow Christ and not let the memories and fears of the past make your choices for you. Keep focused on Christ and the Holy Spirit who abide in you now.
Oh sister, I am all to well understanded here. About twelve years ago this happened to Jeff and I. We left the church very hurt and betrayed. We came back to that same church a few years later. The funny thing was, that God organized a remeeting of this pastor and Jeff and I. Jeff was very bold and he just came out with the hurt that this pastor did to us. The awesome part was, the pastor asked us for forgiveness and he wanted to become friends again. We did forgive him and I believe God used that moment to strengthen our faith. I actually looked at this pastor and others as humans and they make grave mistakes as we do. God is going to use this to heal you. I will so pray for your healing and I love you, with God all things are possible. Love Tanya
I don’t know why spiritual abuse is so painful, but it truly is. My dad’s funeral was 2 weeks ago, and it was the pastor who abused us that was running the service. Wow was that hard! But it put us even more on the path the healing and forgiveness. I had forgiven, but every time I heard his name or saw his picture (usually he was being praised by someone) I would have a rush of overwhelming emotions.
Anyway… I’m just trying to say that I know what you mean. Keep walking it out with Jesus, and you’ll get there. We both will. 🙂
“The goodness of the LORD surrounded me in my fears and tremblings, and even while I was unable to make sense of all that I was feeling…HE sent two different people to me. ”
It sounds an awful lot like how God led us to the decision to adopt. 😉
Alece posted a prayer today. Here’s a portion of it:
“May your blessings be many
But not what you hoped they’d be
And when you look upon the broken
May mercy show you what you could not see
May you never be sure of any plans you desire
But you’d learn to trust the plan He has for you
May your passions be tried and tested in the holy fire
May you fight with all your life for what is true”
♥ U so much!!
Praise God from Whom ALL blessings flow!
Sometimes I think that God puts our abusers in our paths again just to show us how much we have changed, how much Jesus is in us, how much we are capable of now. Any form of abuse sucks but when it comes from our spiritual leaders it shakes our faith.
You sound like you are strong in the Lord! This is an awesome post! I can see that you are no longer this persons vistim but that you are a Princess in our Father’s Famiy!! Congratulations on conquering your fears/anger and coming out beautiful!
I have been so blessed to never have been Spiritually abused, so I can’t imagine how that must feel. However, I know that there are people who stir up emotions in me that I cannot explain. It’s a struggle. Just a couple of weeks ago I went through a real tough Spiritual attack about a person. A person I like and respect very much. It was very strange.
You are so strong because He makes you that way!
I love you, Princess!
I’m thanking God for placing those two people in your path! It just reminds me how important it is to start each day asking God to show us what He would have for us to do today!!
Love you girl.
steph.
Wow, Darla! Did the abuse start during that pastor’s leadership or was right before he left? Skipper and I have been going through the process of de-toxing from spiritual abuse as well. It’s a journey for sure and makes you careful not to put people too high on a thrown. Only God has that position.
Selena= this all happened during his leadership, and then some after…it is a journey, but I am up for it, I know God is healing me even as i write, I was just so ignorant to the fact that a pastor would deliberately hurt someone…and in his case he admitted doing that , just he felt it was okay because God did not stop him…yeah twisted..I am thanking God for the Pastor I have now, and the learning that I am getting…God is good all the time…people..mmmm not so much 😉