Monthly Archives: June 2008

The Biggest Lie

While attempting to work on “Lifter of my Head” , God stirred my heart to this question -What was the biggest lie, the one the enemy built off to make his other lies work?  I stand amazed!

The biggest lie goes all the way back my early teens.  You are not chosen of God. HE doesn’t love you, and you are destined to be abused, ignored, and tormented. Do what ever you want, you are allowed, follow me, I am also not chosen.  I remember hearing that in my heart of hearts, I remember looking at my life and seeing the turmoil and chaos of my family.  I think my addictions started then.  I had no hope, that my life would ever be better than it was, the purpose of living seemed to be for the moment.  My addictions started with smoking, and then marijuana, then cocaine, prescription diet pills, valium, librium, zanax, muscle relaxers, alcohol.  I did not have a preference and sometimes took them all at once.  I could tell you of endless times I thought this is my last day, and I won’t wake up again tomorrow…hell could not be any worse than life, and if it is, I still be away from here.  Remembering the devastation of waking up, and honestly being disappointed that in my failure of a life, I couldn’t even kill myself correctly.

I talked to God throughout the years from 13-35 but mostly screaming at HIM, and questioning… “Why did you not pick me?, at least tell me that! why do you bring people into the world just to torment them? What kind of God are you? You are probably not even there.”   But through my walking through the past with the Lord, HE showed me every where HE was with me, even while I was screaming and blaming HIM, for my life being so empty.   I know that HE saved my life every time I tried to take it.  I know that my first born was HIS saving me again. ( I was not to be able to have children, and her father killed himself, I would have followed, but I was six months pregnant, and although I would hurt me, I would not hurt her.)

In my ignorance of my Mighty KING, and the ignorance of the Bible/Truth, I bought the lie…and everything that was evil in my life confirmed the lie…many years of destruction, the despair that doesn’t write out with justice, and the tears that flow every time I remember that I am where I am today, because HE lifted me out, and wrapped HIS arms around me, and spoke truth to my heart.  HE has a plan for all of us, before we were born. The ugliness we see in the world and all around us at times, is part of the curse that sin brought to the world.  This place isn’t our home. Where we are traveling to is perfect. We are not home yet.

What lie has the enemy told you? If it is negative of God, you are living in the lie.  Give the enemy no glory, ask the King, and HE is always faithful to tell you truth.  


Filed under book, Jesus, Ministry, princess entries, reflections, testimony

Thursday Randomness

I have been working in the heat reconditioning buses for inspection.  HOT is not even the word for what it feels like!!!  OMG!  But I go in at 6 -11 am and that is working for me.  I am serious, I am not kidding…the most disgusting filth is these buses…and then working conversations are less the holy all the time.  So when I get home I just want a shower, something cold to drink,…and my computer to help me unwind.  But NO!! my internet provider has not been keeping me connected for the last two weeks..tonight a different trouble shooter will come out and again try to fix the problem.  YES this is the third one!!

My baby girl is leaving for training camp for her summer missions, and I already miss her smiling face!!  I am reminding myself to be GRATEFUL!  soooo I am grateful for airconditioning…I am grateful for my children, my hubs, and the fact that I have a job.  I am more than grateful that I always have Jesus to talk to instead of what is available otherwise.  I am grateful that God knows I am exhausted, and need a shower, and HE loves me anyway! 

One more thing…leave me some ideas of what I should be making for supper that is easy and won’t heat up my kitchen..sorry I am brain dead…and you all said you love me…so HELP a girl out!



Filed under random thoughts

HE is moving, setting captives free!!

Isaiah 61:1-11

Exaltation of the Afflicted

1    The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,

    Because the LORD has anointed me

    To bring good news to the afflicted;

    He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

    To proclaim liberty to captives

    And freedom to prisoners;

2    To proclaim the favorable year of the LORD

    And the day of vengeance of our God;

    To comfort all who mourn,

3    To grant those who mourn in Zion,

    Giving them a garland instead of ashes,

    The oil of gladness instead of mourning,

    The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.

    So they will be called oaks of righteousness,

    The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.

4    Then they will rebuild the ancient ruins,

    They will raise up the former devastations;

    And they will repair the ruined cities,

    The desolations of many generations.

5    Strangers will stand and pasture your flocks,

    And foreigners will be your farmers and your vinedressers.

6    But you will be called the priests of the LORD;

    You will be spoken of as ministers of our God.

    You will eat the wealth of nations,

    And in their riches you will boast.

7    Instead of your shame you will have a double portion,

    And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion.

    Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land,

    Everlasting joy will be theirs.

8    For I, the LORD, love justice,

    I hate robbery in the burnt offering;

    And I will faithfully give them their recompense

    And make an everlasting covenant with them.

9    Then their offspring will be known among the nations,

    And their descendants in the midst of the peoples.

    All who see them will recognize them

    Because they are the offspring whom the LORD has blessed.

10    I will rejoice greatly in the LORD,

    My soul will exult in my God;

    For He has clothed me with garments of salvation,

    He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness,

    As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,

    And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

11    For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,

    And as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up,

    So the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise

    To spring up before all the nations.


Take a real good look at the wording, and sit still with it til the HIS word resonate with your very being.  Isaiah was prophesing , In Luke, Jesus read the exact words to the people to show them that HE has come and that HE was at work doing exactly what it said.  Later in the Gospels, Jesus also told the disciples that the day would come when we would do greater things than this…Why are we not able to do it? Or are we?  Maybe we aren’t walking the closeness we think we are, Maybe we are compromising the truth for a lie?

We are HIS priests sent out to spread the fragrance of knowing HIM.  Sometimes that is just a smile for a very sad face we encounter, sometimes it is to boldly take HIM into places where most don’t want to go.  Most of you know that my heart is in Outreach, random kindeness, and just shining where ever and when ever I can.  Our church is taking the leap…we now have an outreach team, and we are leading the way together for our faith family to see God at work here in the street, in our parking lot..and watching God build a bridge to the community. 

Oh Praise HIM! Praise HIM because HE fulfills all that HE has said, Praise HIM because there is none like HIM who reaches into the slimey pits to lift up a broken heart, and wipe the tears away.  Praise HIM because when HE speaks the enemy runs and hides…..Just praise HIM…HE alone is worthy of our praise.  Then take the keys of the kingdom and start setting some captives free!!  Believe HIM…as HIS child..speak into the darkness and say “let there be LIGHT”…


Filed under Jesus, Ministry, princess entries, reflections


It’s been a while since I just sat still and left everything wait…and just loved on Jesus!  How do we get so caught up in serving that we forget to serve the One and Only?  HE wants us to curl up with HIM, and pour out our love and praise on HIM.  It does my heart good. It does my soul good.  It does my mind good, and motivates me to strive for pure and holy thoughts.  Sometimes it seems like we are so busy trying to do church like we think it should be, and we don’t always stop to ask HIM how it should be.

This week I have been reading through some of the missing books of my Bible…they are found now…Nahum, Habakkuk, Ezra…love me some minor prophets!  Wondering what we are in for, as a defiant people who wander off from HIM so easily.  Years ago I prayed to see things through HIS eyes, and NO I am not there, but sometimes I sense a small piece of it..I really think HIS heart breaks… so much love, so much grace, so much of living we miss, as HE holds out HIS hands, and we whine about what we don’t have.  And head off in our own direction to get all that the world will give to us.

Spend some time with HIM, allow HIM to fill you with joy.  Rise up on wings like eagles…and just fly with HIM high above the circumstances.  Remember your first love, who loved you while you were still HIS enemy.  Fall in love over and over and over with Jesus, Remember… Remember…


Filed under Jesus, princess entries, reflections

Bus Saga – Summer begins/School ends

This school year came to an end yesterday.  I am amazed at how God brought me to this job and actually trained me, more likely drove the bus, and allowed me to go along.  Praying for these children has become natural for me, they really are awesome people, and respond to kind words, although most don’t see that.  It rips my heart to know that most of them raise their self.  The only time Adults seem to have something to say is when they have done it wrong.  On all four of my routes, I have a couple who just pull my heart strings!  The schools would say that they are terrible, hard to deal with, headed for a life of crime.  NOT TRUE!  They need someone to listen to them, to esteem them, to be firm yet loving…and they are responsive. 

My “Goth” kids,on my HS route(not because they really are, but because its a shield to keep others out, and to identify each other as family-because they have none) didn’t ride the bus yesterday, but they did come to see me on the bus, and they brought me a donut and just wanted to tell me “have a good summer, and don’t forget to come back in the fall,..try to keep our bus”.  Then they were gone, but smiley..they had done something nice for me, and they knew I would miss them.

MS is a different group of needs, there are a few who just demand your attention all the time, and at different times have found thier seat to be up close to me.  I would rather give them the attention in a postive way, then do it through the correction system.  I didn’t think I was reaching the one young girl, but she got off my bus yesterday, and then ran back, jumped almost in my window… “will you sign my year book?”  I did. She was elated, and left me with a smile “Come back next year, and I will be older” LOL

Elem my five graders were full of tears, as they won’t ride with me next year, they are on a different route for MS and HS.  The young ones hugging and tearing the end of school… IAN- still whining, and yelling as the bus pulled away..”Miss Darla, I am going to miss you and I do need tylenol”!! My sheep whisperer, is now taking care of my bunny, as I didn’t want a bunny.

So I venture into the summer still working part time, and putting my kiddos all back in God’s hands again, praying so much for them to not leave here without HIM.  For HIM to place people around them that will show them HIS love and HIS kindness, and the selfish part of my prayer is that I will run into them this summer, even for a minute.

I am not sure about this theme..and I am not sure I am keeping it, I am just bored with the other one…Love you all..pray pray pray, its an awesome gift from God, and your prayer does count!


Filed under random thoughts

Favorite Book of the Bible- meme

(if you are looking for the update to the HOPE CRUSADE IN PHILADELPHIA-GO HERE PRAISE365 but then come back!)


I was tagged by Michelle to name my favorite book of the Bible and why?  so although this was a hard one for me to nail down, I picked Hosea.  There is circumstances in life that lead me to other books to encourage me for different reasons…but I think I end up here most often.

Hosea- this books is a perfect illustration of our human defiance in  being faithful to God.  Also a perfect illustration of HIS mercy and faithfulness to do what ever needs to be done to turn us back to HIM.  HE does not let go.  Another thing is the way God led Hosea to marry an unfaithful woman, and to name his children things that would a painful reminder to him and those around him.  Wonder why?  I have pondered on that several times…but the answer I come to is so Hosea could see through God’s eyes.  That is most likely the reason we go through so much suffering, although we complain and stomp our feet..I think the lesson is to ask God to see it through HIS eyes…Just my thoughts.  While reading through Hosea, look specifically for God’s heart and actions…it really shines a light on HIM and put there for us.

Now I am tagging




Indian Lake Papa

Jenny Hope

If anyone esle would like to do this leave me a comment and let me know so I can come and read..or just post it here in the comments…I love the fellowship that comes from these types of memes!  Spread some love!

just a prayer call to add for you all to lift up!

My sister in Christ Michelle has been up against much opposition, and My sister in Christ Jenny Hope has pulled her neck and has a toddler and alot of commitments, we all need prayer, but for these two I know that they do, and God knows the details..just lift them up! Thanks I knew I could count on you!


Filed under Jesus, meme, random thoughts