Even when I don’t know…

Today was a hard day, not because anything went wrong, just because my focus seem to be strained.  I just couldn’t seem to figure out why..do you ever have days like that? Then to top off my afternoon, I looked at my hand and noticed that I lost my diamond, it just fell out of the setting, and knowing that where I have been today, in a dusty stoney bus terminal, that it was very unlikely that I would find it.  So sadness overcame me.  Not because it was so priceless, but because of what it meant to me, how very special it has been for 14 years.  My hubs picked it out by himself, and it fit perfectly, I was totally surprised, no clue that he was even getting it for me.  So you get the pic that it meant alot to my heart.  I prayed, for the sadness to leave me, and to be able to rejoice in HIM anyway.

I have a bad habit of beating myself up when I feel like I have failed, and at that moment I felt that I failed to take care of my ring good enough.  Next I thought of how much I love to study God’s word, but haven’t spent as much time there as I have in the past, and how I kind of stay away from conversations that are honestly over my head, and again feel not good enough to be in those debates.  Because honestly I DON”T KNOW!  I DON”T KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS, I DON’T KNOW how things work exactly, I DON’T KNOW how God pulls things together or how HE is going to keep HIS promises to me….I DON’T KNOW…I don’t know…but HE encouraged my heart to day…after I was resolved that God must not want me to have my diamond anymore, my son bent down and picked it up off the floor of the bus, after 60 kids climbed in and out, and said “is this it?”  And it is!! So after thanking HIM for Derek and his great find….I reflected on how good HE is to me.  And how much I love HIM…headed back to my study where I am searching out shadows of the cross throughout the Old testament…but stopped to check on TAM, http://kassota.wordpress.com and found this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4   if you don’t spend the eight minutes to watch this you will surely miss out on something so precious…you see this is the missing piece I was looking for as to “how far back in the Bible does God show HIS plan for redemption..HIS signature/HIS shadow of the cross”…i watched this video and it resonated on me, and I cried, and then I rejoiced, and then I realized HE had filled me with more joy over this information than I had finding my diamond…HE is truly more precious to me than any earthly thing!  As I praise HIM for caring so much and holding on to me through everything…I pray that you also fall in love with your Creator, HE loves and cares and never takes HIS eyes off of us, Even When We Don’t Know!

14 Comments

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14 responses to “Even when I don’t know…

  1. tam

    tears are streaming down.

    I LOVE how GOD speaks! How HE gets our attention. How gentle and sweet He was to you today Darla. How beautiful of Him and good of Him to lead you to even MORE of Him.

    My mind is spinning. My Spirit is jumping. My heart is rejoicing!

  2. Laurie Lloyd

    I just love how God reaches down and gently picks us up when we start beating up on ourselves for not being enough, doing enough, saying enough. His touch says WE ARE enough to Him, just as we are. I will never understand this side of heaven why He cares for me so much, but He does. That video is absolutely amazing. I am so thankful that I don’t have to know, I just know that I believe. He gets my attention in the sweetest ways, just as He did with your diamond today. How sweet was that?! We are works in progress my sweet sister, and I can live with this for me. He is over, under, around and through us, He is in us. How blessed we are!!!

    Love you Darla and I will take this as a report from the BUS today:)

    Laurie

  3. Deborah

    It’s so comforting that we don’t have to know….because He knows. And what He knows is so much more important than what we know, ya know? He knew before the world began that you would be in this place at this time, and exactly what it would take to show you He knows. What a blessing you are to so many, thank you for your transperancy….and ya know? You have spiritual smarts and savy…you know what I mean….way over the top than the average Christian…(is there such a thing?) Don’t discount what you have, it’s blessed me so many times I’ve lost count. Love you, just the way you are.

  4. Love you sweetheart 🙂

  5. Beating yourself up…man! Do I know what that’s about…my couselor recently reminded me of when Satan dances a jig, from the Screwtape Letters. I’ve been able now to envision what he’s up to when I’m busy bullying myself. It’s helped.

    Darla, you have such a beautiful heart and loving words to share. His gentle ways never cease to amaze me and you speak so clearly of His love for everyone. Keep up the good work, the heavenly work He has called you to… 😀

  6. So awesome that God is in the intricate details of our lives. Laminin–what a beautiful picture & reminder of the sacrifice that was made for us on the cross. I’m so glad too your son found the diamond. Again–God cares about details. The Lord held me together and enabled me to get through a very tough weekend. I want to thank you for your prayers. I met the deadline–everything is in His hand. (I’ll explain on my blog in the next day or so.) His grace sustained me. His grace is sufficient.
    Love & blessings in Christ–

  7. When I read the blogs of my Christian friends what I see is love. Love isn’t something you can analize, it is something you just feel. Being human means asking questions and having doubts, about ourselves and our faith.

    My thought process is different from yours regarding faith. I don’t know what is is like to feel what you feel. I think religious faith is based on love. We either have that feeling or we don’t. If you feel the presence of God, and his guidance than that is all you need. You may want a more perfect understanding. I don’t think you will find it. What you have found is love.

  8. ED you are soooo right! I am one of those people who just want to know more and more and more, and always feeling that I fall short in it..but I have found the greatest thing ever..Love…priceless!!!

  9. Lori

    I know what you mean. I beat myself up at times with I feel that I’ve ‘failed’. The other day, I left our brand new laptop at McD’s. How irresponsible Lori, resonated in my heart and mind. Then, when I went to pick it up, God graced me. Someone had turned it in. Thank you Jesus is all I could keep saying – God’s mercy is bountiful and you wittnessed that first hand today! His love endures FOREVER!

  10. Deborah

    Darla thank you, for everything! 😉

  11. I am so glad you found your diamond! And the thoughts you reflected on were right on.
    I’ve tagged you for a MEME, so, come visit my blog, okay?

  12. Darla – What we ‘know’ in our mind is as dust – just the very minutest of specs.

    What brings us closer to Him is what we Feel in our Hearts – Love. Love is the Greatest knowledge a human can ever learn.

    Jose Feliciano – a blind American singer puts it so beautifully:

    “The Greatest Thing You can Ever Learn – is Just to Love – and Be Loved – in return.
    (From ‘Nature Boy’, Maybe originally sung by Nat King Cole)

    <B

  13. I love your hair, you look beautiful. I am so glad that you found your diamond. I totally understand how you feel. I would be mortified if I lost mine. As far as getting it debates on the knowledge of God, you know more than you even realize. When I come to your blog, I am amazed at what you post about. Situations I did not even realize about God. You are full of wisdom, and you may not be in these intellegtual conversations, but you are posting His heart. I sit back sometimes and listen to my husband debate God’s word, I know that he loves Jesus with all of his heart, but when the men start getting alittle louder with their tones and they are getting mad, is it for the good of God. Are they glorify God, no, they are arguing about who is right or wrong. Share what is on your heart, share His heart, you share it with love and kindness, and that is what matters. God bless you and chin up you are a diamond in His eyes. Love Tanya

  14. Oh do I understand the “I DON’T KNOW”!!! God has so settled that inside of me, through this song….it will make you giggle to your toes…and so be okay with what you DO know!!

    cause your friends are all right….YOU KNOW LOVE!! And LOVE KNOWS YOU!! check out the song;)

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