Down to the Bottom-Lifter of my Head (part 1)

How about it? Have we got some stories from being down on the bottom? They are no good if we don’t share them with someone else, and if we don’t grow from the mistakes, or hard times.My background is full of abuse. Some of it inflicted on me, some of it I choose all in the name of love, some was substance abuse, and some was just a dead spirit without hope of anything better. Partly a prodigal, partly ignorant that God loved me at all. I heard the concept, (when very young) God had plans for my life even before HE knit me together in my mothers womb. My honest thoughts then were “how cruel”! So that is where I am starting…my deepest thoughts were I am not chosen…I believed in God, but HE had a sense of humor and I was the joke. I WAS VERY WRONG!! GOD HAS A PLAN, AND I AM CHOSEN! Beauty and power became my obsession, at a very young age. However, an overweight kid had to do something about that. Well making myself puke was not for me, but drugs…ahhhhhhh not only did I love how I felt on them, but I was hot! Men were falling and knocking and ringing the phone..I was picking and choosing for the first time…THAT IS HOW DECEPTION CRAWLS INTO A LIFE. IT OFFERS SOMETHING THAT YOU DESPERATELY WANT, OR THINK YOU NEED. I then started to sell drugs (not to kids)to support my own habit, and because it also had a power trip to it. Ah! At 19 years old I had arrived in my mind. I would never feel shame again, I would make people sorry for messing with me. Attitude as big as the whole outdoors…FUNNY IT ALL ADDED TO MY SHAME, AND BECAME VERY CONFINING IN MY SOCIAL LIFE. My abuser #1 showed up in the midst of my own glory, and started to become my nightmare again. A very hard tough biker took a smile to me, and offered to protect me from this person. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THAT WAS GOING TO COST ME! But safe for a while, I agreed to marry this man. And for a few months after, it all seemed do-able. ITS CALLED PROSTITUTION, ONE SELLS THEMSELVES FOR A PRICE, PROTECTION, MONEY, HOME, EVEN A CROWD TO TELL ME HOW WONDERFUL I WAS. It was all short lived, see my attitude was simple “don’t tell me no”. His attitude was “you will do what you are told, or feel my wrath”…Did we mix it up?? At times their was not one piece of furniture unturned, and I wasn’t the only one toting the black eye…but it got worse. I held a gun to his head in the middle of the night “do not ever beat me and go to sleep, FOOL!” ONLY GOD STOPPED ME FROM PULLING THE TRIGGER AND RATIONALIZING IN MY BRAIN. There had to be more to life than this, and prison for the rest of my life wasn’t it. I begged him to let me leave, and I would not take one thing, I would not sue him for alimony, keep the boat, the car, the Harley Davidson…please let me go. He said NO. Girls don’t get out once they are in this group. Honestly I did not care. I spoke to a leader of this group, and he kind of scared everyone. I really didn’t feel like I had anything to lose, not even my life. This leader said “I want you to go, someone is going to die in that house, and I used to think it would be you, but I am not sure about that anymore, go I will make sure no one comes after you.” ENTER GOD! THIS MAN HAD NO COMPASSION FOR ANYONE, AND A FEW YEARS LATER KILLED HIS WIFE FOR WANTING THE SAME THING. He did keep his word, and no one came after me. AMAZING HOW GOD WILL USE EVEN AN NON BELIEVER TO ACHIEVE THE PLAN HE HAS, NO ONE OR CIRCUMSTANCE WILL EVER CHANGE HIS PLAN. I didn’t turn to God then, I moved on and shortly I met a business man, so extremely gorgeous, and full of money, again I was looking at beauty and power…it still had something that I wanted so much, the emptiness burned deep. I DIDN’T KNOW AT THAT TIME, JESUS WAS THE BEAUTY AND POWER MY LIFE WAS SO HUNGRY FOR, AND THE ONLY ONE THAT COULD EVER FILL MY EMPTINESS.

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25 Comments

Filed under book, deliverance, Ministry, princess entries, testimony

25 responses to “Down to the Bottom-Lifter of my Head (part 1)

  1. I am amazed at how God has worked in your life. You have given hope to others. Thank you for sharing this testimony and I can’t wait to here more!

  2. Twinkle- you do shine like the stars! love love love you! We (you and I) are so aware of the awesomeness of our God, HIS power is limitless, and HIS beauty is not comparable to anything! and HE loves us!!!

  3. tam

    OKAY, is it just me or is that the smallest font known to man? I can’t read the post.

    Oh-No – I AM getting old.

    I’m going blind people!!!!

  4. it didn’t transfer from Word right..but at the bottom of your screen there is a thing that “100%”, click on that and make it as big as you like, or totally ditch it! Love you and you are not old or blind…have a good evening! 😉

  5. Can you see it now?? hahahaha

  6. Darla, I’ve seen you on many comboxes – came to see what you’re all about and I was met with this vulnerable, very sad testimony (only sad since you haven’t gotten to the salvation part yet – was kind of hoping it was an April Fool’s joke). Man! Life screws us around. But you are now so cheerful – God did an amazing work in you. I can’t even imagine that sweet face seeing the ugliness of life – my mothering is gushing all out of me – sorry.

    He is very good – I have a story too. Nothing as dramatic but definite abuse – sometimes the scars are so deep that the lifting of my head is an hourly work for Him. He keeps bringing me the Truth of His Word though, and I keep praising Him for loving me.

    Praise Him and bless you ~Michelle.

  7. Michelle- thanks for stopping..I did accept Jesus into my heart when I was 12, and didn’t grow and pretty much believed I wasn’t chosen…but as an adult after many wrong turns, I finally surrendered to the Lord, and HE is the Lifter of my Head…now very active in womens ministries…God is more than Good, and HE always has a plan!

  8. Have you ever seen the movie, “China Cry.” I didn’t grow up with the teaching of being chosen – I came to it later in life – but believe it wholeheartedly now. “China Cry” certainly tells an amazing story of one who was chosen early, walked away, and how God brought her back – really worth the view if you can find it anywhere.

    We were chosen before the foundation of the world – extraordinary!! 🙂

  9. Michelle- I have never heard of “China Cry” Where should I look for that?? I would love to see it! I was led as a child to believe because of my fathers sin, I would be punished in my generation, thus not being chosen. That is a very dangerous theology and some are still teaching that…not true, we are under the blood of Jesus and all chosen if we chose HIM.

  10. I don’t know, Darla, I haven’t been able to find it in years – it came out in the ’80’s. You do look a bit young to have heard of it – I’m 45.

    That’s a very dangerous theology and praise the Lord it’s false!! Who would have a chance?! No one I know – cause of Adam we’re all cursed. Thankfully, He restored us to Him through His Son!! Good stuff, that. 😉

  11. I so can’t wait to see what God has in store. Glad I’ll be along for the ride 🙂

  12. Michelle- I am 46 years old but I certainly wasn’t watching anything good in the 80’s….still making my testimony! 😆 Praise you Jesus for a day like today!

    Hubs- I don’t know the plan HE has, but you are so stuck with me! love you love you love you..

  13. 46?? No way!! And that cutie is your husband – you are one blessed girl. 😉

    I’ll quit commenting now and let someone else in – thanks for the interaction.

  14. michelle any time!!! girl you are always welcome, and comment as much as you like! Princess to Princess!

  15. Thanks – added you to my blogroll so I can get to you easily – I’ll be back!

  16. tam

    Michelle, I am sooo glad you stopped by here to find Darla. She is one of my sweetest sister friends. Bold for Christ – Loves Him outloud!

    Darla – what a ride you had! I can not wait til yo get here so we can swap testimonies face to face…wow!!!

  17. Tam- I am looking forward to that as well! I know you have stories from the bottom, and victory of deliverance…God is all we need, and more than we can ever dream up! HE is all that my sister! love you

  18. Hi Darla,

    Stopped by to check out your blog and found this incredible, vulnerable post. Thank you for sharing your heart. My past is scary, but I am pretty sure yours takes the cake. What an awesome testimony for those who don’t know Christ or think it’s too late. So many people feel that they have been abandoned by Him. Soooo not true. I always tell people…if God can forgive me…..He certainly can forgive you:)

    Love and Blessings…..

    Adding you to my ‘blogroll’

  19. I can see why you are so passionate about our Lord! After a deliverance like that, who’d want to go back? I know I dont!! There’s no way! The LORD through JESUS is the only way! Do you have a book? Or are you writing a book? Powerful witness of the glory of God.

    Blessings in Christ–

  20. Wow!

    So much respect for you ( even more than before!)

    Glad i did not miss that story – but am i the ONLY one alive who had no abuse in their formative years???

    I’m starting to feel ‘left out! 🙂

    ( envy – one of THOSE ‘sins’ – cut that out love! 😉 )

    Love you,

    love <B

  21. Darla,

    Your transformation by the grace of God in Christ Jesus is simply stunning! No one reading your blog or your comments would ever have imagined the story you’re sharing. The old is gone, the new has come. Or Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no long live but Christ lives in me.”

    I cannot wait to read more.

  22. Oh Darla…..

    I type through tears of joy because we know what God has done and IS doing in you. You are shining the light of our Jesus. I believe with all my heart that there is a sweet lady out there who will stumble across this and see hope.

    Love you princess!
    steph.

  23. Selena

    WOW, Darla! This is my first time t oread this! I am moving on to part 2! Thanks for posting this!

  24. Darla… I’m devouring these posts about your testimony… all I can say is God is awesome!!!!

    Love – u aren’t the only one who had no abuse…. I lived a very sheltered life and was in church from the time I was 3 years old. My parents still aren’t Christians yet, but I loved the Lord from a very young age, gave my life to him and was baptised at 11…

    Oh I’ve had rough times…. but never abuse …. praise be to God!

  25. I read this months ago and didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. You have captured it though in all that capitalized underlined big print. Praise God!

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