Tomorrow will begin another study with a wonderful group of women at my church. The day before always seems to be filled with mixed emotions, and a desperate need for more of Jesus. I have no confidence in myself in this area, and I know that it goes well because HE has planned it even before I was born. That is an overwhelming thought. But I sure wouldn’t want to do it without HIM.
My family has been going through alot of ups and downs lately. Illness, wedding plans/disagreements, bad weather, the world pulling my children, and just a total up hill climb with the Lord. I know that is a perfect place to see HIM do awesome things. But this morning, things seemed to become more than overwhelming to this girls heart/emotions. I laid it all down AGAIN at the feet of my Savior. Of course, falling into the pit of feeling sorry for myself! ( I hate when that happens) HE reminded me today that I was right about part of my petition to HIM. See, I was so into the “poor me thing”, that I even said…”I am giving you all I have, and I am tired, and I am not getting it..what do you want from me?” This is what HE spoke to my heart….
It is good to follow hard after the Lord, and it is also good to have Holy Discontent (meaning that you just want more of HIM), it is good to want to know HIM more and love HIM more…(honestly I did not know where HE was going with this). Prayer is a gift, and although I am quick to pray for a need for someone else, I do not do it much for myself. I have not in the past prayed for HIM to work out the differences, and I haven’t asked HIM to help me with this climb that seems like forever to get to the top. HE is very wonderful, HE did not condemn in any way, instead HE touched my heart and reminded me again of who I am in HIM, and how much HE wants to give me the desires of my heart.
You know I felt totally blown away in all of it! I didn’t even notice that I was trying again to do things in my own strength, instead of HIS. When I am worn out, the enemy seems to have a party on me. My deliverer opened my eyes to HIM this morning, and made me smile when HE said “some may not think you are smarter than a fifth grader, but you are with me, and no one and nothing is as wise as I, and you need only to ask and tap in. You will not need anything I don’t already have worked out for you.”
Don’t forget to pray for yourself! Sounds like a no brainer, but how many of us really do that?? Thanks for your prayers, and I know some of you have been lifting me. Just know I am lifting you too!
PS thanks W.E. – You rock Princess!
ponderings of a princess... 