God is so incredibly good and I am always so taken by HIM in the way HE is so detailed, and stoops so low to deliver me. If there is a pit in the pit, I have been there. I lived a very abused life as a young girl that it was very natural to me. My father was an alocholic, and seemed to thrive on sadness, fear, and pain. He also seemed to have great joy when the rest of us were so far from it. My spiral began early in life that there was no hope for anything more than what I knew to be life.
At camp I met a man ( I was about 12) who told me HE knew God and knew that HE loved me, and wanted to be my Father. What a relief that was to me, and asked to know HIM too. I accepted Christ, and returned home, and was soon saddened by the fact that I was told, “you can not know God”, and “stop being such a dreamer”. My mother remarried and they took me to church and even made me learn scripture, as a chore to be able to go out on weekends. My hope was crushed and I didn’t think much about God, except it was a nice religion.
I now walk with HIM daily, and I know God not all there is to know, but I know HIM. And like alot of others before me, I can not contain the good news and that it is free to everyone!
To make a very long story short; I got involved in drugs at 14 and in alcohol shortly after, met some very tough people who offered my security, and companionship. God no longer was even in my thought pattern at that time. After trying to commit suicide a couple times with not even as much as a hospital stay, I could not understand anything. I was starting to be convinced that if there were a God I was definitely cursed by HIM, to the point that I couldn’t even die.
My first child was born to me single and her father killed himself when I was six months pregnant. I ran to a place along the river where I used to hide, and screamed at HIM…”If you are real, why are you not compassionate like I heard, and why would you leave this child without a daddy, and why must I continue to go through this life…why do you hate me so much!” Honestly I believe HE answered me that day, in a very serious voice…”that will be enough of addressing me like that!” I found myself in my car waking up, and no idea how long I was there or when I went there. But then HE spoke to my heart, and HE stooped into that pit and started to pull me out. HE had to teach me grace, I couldn’t accept it because I didn’t know what it was. He totally turned my world upside down the next few years, with my resistance out of ignorance. I tried to find someone to help me understand, to find a place to start in becoming a true disciple of Jesus. There were people along the way who were helpful, but mostly they couldn’t understand the inner turmiol I was in, and the healing that needed to happen. God provided a trip for me to go to a seminar “Hearts set free”. I never been to anything like that, and the first thing I saw was Beth Moore…and being a city girl, I liked her style, and she had my undivided attention. She has no idea how God used her to get me from one healing to another, and how she taught me through video how to use my Bible, and dig deep, and have my own Quiet time. Long before I knew she had an abusive past, I connected to her on the screen of my TV. How I thank God for sending her right to my living room, and for the way HE worked with me and then her video would confirm what I thought HE was telling me.
God has and is still stepping into the most vile of pits in all HIS holiness and picking up HIS children, and showing HIM self. HE is still taking hearts like mine that did not develope and making the new, and like HIS. I was the woman at the well. HE did give me living water. and now I am more like Mary who brought her alabaster box (filled with her treasure) to annoint the King with praise. ( I Love CeCe Winans song Alabaster box, just really sums it all up)
God is my awesome Warrior, my Deliverer, My constant Faithful friend, my security, and without HIS love, I would not know it. God is love, and people in the street need to hear that HE is real, and HE loves, and HE wants to change things. That Prostitutes can turn and get a new start, and there is hope for the hopeless. Thank you Jesus for being all this and so much more!