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My blog posts will no longer be public when speaking my heart. I need to vent here, and I need to get rid of the drama that stalks me.  I am done! My life is too hard at present to deal with anything else.  Writing is my way of talking through my thoughts.  

email, text, facebook me and I will give you the password.  

 

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Protected: I was wrong

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Filed under Authenticity, battles, convictions, follow, forgive, Grace, heart condition, heavy heart, Jesus, journey, life, loss, mercy, princess entries

What’s The Point?

Observation:

People generally say anything that they think you want to hear. It’s not helpful.

People generally have their own desires in front of any repercussions it may cost another. Its awful.

People spend most of their life working for more money to better their life, while destroying relationships. Its painful.

People will hate another all while preaching love. It hurts.

Realism:

We push hard to just make it through the week, and lick our wounds in private. Its hard.

We try to be honest with others. Its brutal.

We deal with manipulators who are pleasing their own twisted agenda. Its sickening.

Don’t trust people. Don’t trust your heart. Its deceiving.

So, what’s the point? Why are we pushing so hard, there is no promise that the other side of this is any better.

Why allow anyone in to the closed part of your soul, your deepest thoughts? They will not honor them.

I don’t know what the point is.  I am not sure why I do this every day.  But I know I screwed up.  I looked to someone else and put my trust out there, and it was disastrous. An already trashed heart, smashed a little more.

God is the only one who knows “whats the point”, wondering if he will tell me.

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Filed under heavy heart, journey, lack of life, life, mourning, my brain, painful, struggles, trust, wounds

Gentle Tough Guy

Gentle Tough Guy

All Man all the time! always believing that love is the cure.

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December 1, 2013 · 6:35 PM

Protected: Being Thankful

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Journeying Home

Long week of sorrows.  I realize it will be like a rollercoaster. But the ride is tiring.

Disgruntled. This life is exhausting to only bring me barely breathing.

Remembering all that I have in Christ, and feeling small in all of it.

Wondering why I long to feel like I am home, belonging, beautiful, secure.

I was created for all of it, this is just not my home, I belong to Heaven.

Its ok to feel all this.

Wanting to be found in Him, and grateful for all the beauty around me and the people who care about me.

Journeying to the place I was created for, Heaven is my home…

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Filed under Beautiful, healing, Heaven, hope, journey, Kingdom living, life, mourning, princess entries, struggles

Not the end, just the beginning…

Daily struggles with my own identity. hate it…

Its easy to quote scripture, and recite well meaning advice.

Difficult to make a heart connection.

Lately, I bring to the table, my fears, my anxiety, my future, and my heart.

My past is awful, who would want to be part of such a person?

Now the awful “W” word stalks me at every turn…

as if it defines me somehow. hate it!

Insecurity and rejection have been my greatest fears…when did this happen?

Again, I bring it to the Only One who knows, and the Only One who can help me.

As I look for myself in all the new things in my life, I pray to be found in Him.  I also pray to be delivered from all the titles that have been given me over the years.  I pray to feel beautiful, and to feel like I belong again. Life was so much easier when love lived here…not sure that will happen for me again, but I can’t fear rejection. There is no life in fear…perfect love casts out fear.  How does that work with a damaged heart, and a horrific past.

He brought me here this evening as I searched my heart for my own motives in my choices…

Isaiah 54:4,5  Living Translation

Fear not, you will no longer live in shame,

Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace of your youth

and the sorrows of widowhood.

For your Creator will be your husband;

the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name!

Thank you God, for calming my heart, and giving me the strength to come this far, I am never rejected by you. Help me to be satisfied with this truth, Its not the end of my life, its the beginning…

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