Don’t Think,… Surrender

(for whatever reason, this video will not post, but the link will take you to it, its only about 3 minutes long, you won’t regret losing those three minutes.)

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After watching this short video, tears flowed…I did not lose my way, I was not being removed. God knows the plans HE has for me, and He can and will use me.  God is faithful, and He is God, what we know is so little in comparison to what He will reveal.

The place I thought God was taking me is not the place I am in. That tends to be a place of confusion for me. Working through some health issues, or resting in them would be a better description, this video came in my email. Spoken thru the one who mentored me through videos and studies. I am exactly where He planned for me to be.  God does not make mistakes.

For many years, God whispered to me “Believe me”, “my ways are not your ways”.  Now I have a new minds picture of what today looks like.  Again, I wait on Him.  Asking, “what can I do for you in this place”?

The Word God has given me today…

“Stay close, breathe me in, be ready with the gospel, and rest in me. I alone sustain you.”

(my One word is Surrender this year, now I get it…)

Are we projecting Love?

It’s a new day! Another chance to start again! Another chance to love! Another chance to forgive. 

I read people by there eyes.  It’s always apparent if they are telling the truth, if they actually care what is being said.  It also shows if the compassion they are showing is self righteous or like Jesus.

I want the world to see Jesus in my eyes when they look on me.  Not only my actions, but a real heart/soul thing.

When I look in the mirror, I want to see what Jesus sees, what do you see when you look in the mirror? Is love in your eyes? 

Peace and Love, 

Live life to the fullest.

Love.

King or Genie? (revisited)

It seems that we (and I include myself) forget that our God is righteous, Holy, pure, and loving. Dressed in Majesty, ruling not only the earth but the Heavens as well. We definitely have down the power that HE has, but seem to see HIM as a genie. How HIS heart must break when HE sees us totally blowing HIM off, and then asking HIM for miracles. As I pray to see things through HIS eyes, I am forced to look at my life first.

How would we respond to someone who only ever shows up to ask for money, or for us to help them out of rough spots? Knowing that the person will not even as much as talk to us otherwise? We would not respond well, we might even disregard that person. God doesn’t do that, HE continues to sit beside us and wait for us to acknowledge HIM. I believe that HIS heart breaks that we forget HIM so quickly in our lives, and that we compromise our relationship with HIM for momentary pleasures of this world. As my reading is in Isaiah this week, the picture of my culture is on the pages…this is not ancient history, we are repeating it. If we were exiles like Daniel, or the others, which kind would we be. Would we be angry with the Lord for not sparing us when we thought we were believing, and deserving of life without suffering, or would we be more like Daniel and believe that we must continue to walk in HIS light, and bow hearts and bodies to our KING, believing we are exactly where HE wants us to be for HIS glory? I am praying that I would be more like Daniel…remembering that if God allows pain and suffering to come to me, HE will be glorified in it, and therefore I am blessed!

While looking over my past recently, I am so very thrilled at the picture of Love that Jesus has shown me! Not only did HE love me through it all, HE takes the bad and makes it good! Amazing how HIS heart just doesn’t change. I saw a sign outside of a church recently that really spoke to me…”If you are feeling that God is far away, guess who moved?” God is good all the time, and HE never moves! Unshakeable!

So as we move into the weekend with all the pleasures this world offers, my goal is to just remember that HE is here, and not to be rude…talk to HIM, include HIM, and not entertain things that would cause HIM to sit outside to wait for me. HE is not a genie, HE is my KING, my best Friend, my Creator, and HE chooses to be with us.

Father forgive us for our ungrateful hearts, and change our hearts. Make us more like you, give us more of you and less of us. Help our unbelief, and remind us through the day of who we are in you, and who you are to us. Please don’t let this world desensitize us. Give us great hunger for your Word. How rude we have been when haven’t talk to you, and yet ask for so many things. We don’t deserve You, You freely give yourself. I am honored that you call me child, and have given me a new name…Please help us to be aware of the snares that are around us and to stay on the path that you have laid out for us…we want to stay in your shadow…the only shadow that provides Light! Love you love you love you, your princess

Sour Patch Kids (Jesus loves them)

For the last 4.5 months I have been transporting 7 boys to an Alternate Education, similar to Juvenile/school.  They have been kicked out of school. The youngest was in 9th grade, the oldest in 11th.  Honestly, I wasn’t sure how it was going to go.  They are with me an 1.25 hours each way.  I heard lots of discouraging things about these boys.  But I took the keys, and decided…if God brings me to it, God will see me thru it.

It took a short time for us to get a mutual understanding that this is what it is.  I explained to them I will respect them, they need to respect me.  They are capable of being sour little goofballs, and then just kids with sweet hearts.  So I named them “sour patch kids”.  

They are aware I call them that, and they like it! hahaha  On fridays, I throw them bags of Sour Patch Kids.  They call me “busdriver”, “sic”, “legit”….on most days they say good morning, and have a good day…thats alot for these boys.   I have not had any problems with them. I try to be intentional always, a smile, use their name, try to be a safe person to be with.  Funny, that is on my heart with them, when others see them as the unsafe.  Altho I can not speak of my belief system to them, I believe that kindness and repect will linger.  God’s kindness leads us to repentance.

Yummmmm sour patch kids…. Jesus loves them too.

Priorities, Changes, Oh My!

No walls this time, but definitely a fork in the road.  One is a little rocky, and not too pleasant to the eye, but the other is closed.  So I am taking the only road I can.  Maybe its just the “unknown” factor that makes this new road less appealing….

I have allergies.  They cripple my lifestyle to an extent.  I have to be careful how much time I spend outside, My AC runs constantly  to filter the allergens in my home. There is no medication that brings me 100% relief.  The medication I do take is the same as a car payment every month.  

God has blessed me with a job that works with all this. No weekends, and no summers, unless I feel up to a day here or there.

Why am I sharing this? I really don’t want to.  I keep it to myself and try to be as healthy as I can.  My allergies are getting worse.  They cause me to have sinus migranes, and literally make me sick. My symptoms are heart pounding, shortness of breath, head pounding, and stomach turning.  I have no warning when that will happen, and whatever plans I may have made come to an immediate halt.  Overall, when telling someone that I can not participate in an activity, I get the “look”.  I have become a person that many can not count on.  Its heart breaking, and disappointing to say the least. Tiring in trying to explain.

After struggling with all this means to my life, and having lots of conversations with God on this matter, I am believing that He wants something else from me. Outreach can come to my door, and He has shown me that.  I don’t know where all this is going…don’t know if I am supposed to return to writing.  But I do know that my family is a gift from God.  I want to use my energies in being a good wife, and a good mom, and the best Mimi I can be. 

I do love my church, and I get there as often as I can.  Opening a new chapter to my life….

Priorities, Changes, Oh my!   So glad God knows what He is doing, I am just going to rest in HIM.

Safe Walls?

My heart is heavy with the word “safe”.  I have been hearing it more often, seems we all just want to be safe.  We seem to have our reasons for that. Are we tearing down one wall, just to build another?

God is not safe, He’s good.  So do we trust Him that He has everything under control, or do we continue to take the safer road?  Americans are most guilty of this.  Outreach in the community is God’s work.  Are we really to tell Him, we choose to use a social services so that we can help people who are safe by our standards?  Do we really tell worship leaders how to plan according to what we think is most productive to a heart? Or do we believe that God is still the only one saving a heart?

Worship leaders are praying about what God wants in their services, God still knows best.

My life was filled with abuse, so yes I do know what I am talking about.  I just don’t choose to label myself as such. Why? Because God has freed me, my past no longer defines me.  Was there some magic, or certain worship, maybe a special book that brought me to this place? NO! It was God, and spending time with Him, asking Him all the tough questions, letting Him walk me through each day, teaching me to make different choices, Loving me through my pain.

I had to learn to forgive, I had no idea how easy it was, that choosing God’s way would be all I needed.  The burden lifted the second I choose to truly give it to God, and allow Him to handle things.  Submission to Him was nothing like the world had taught me.  It was more like laying back in the arms of the one who truly loved me. It was not a bitter hard thing to swallow.

The world labels everything.  But they have not been introduced correctly to us.  We are God’s children, beloved, free, Kingdom living and not at all elite.

Is following God safe by the worlds standards? No…but we are not of the world.  Where is our sense of adventure? desire? it may be caught up in a trust issue…Believe God that He is capable of anything this world may throw at us…HE got this! safe no..good yes

Lets’s not tear down one wall to build another…we just need to believe God and not just believe there is an God.

Hearts in Chains

Ten years ago, God woke me up at 3 in the morning, and spoke to my heart very clearly.  He said “my bride is in bondage, she is asleep in it, wake her up, she must get ready. Believe me”  I know now that I did not fully understand.  I assumed it was about me. Bondage seemed to be my middle name.  I believed that the past some how molded me, and destroyed my future.  So living was more of doing with what I have.  

A few months later, I received a free ticket for a Beth Moore conference “Hearts set free”.  I didn’t know who she was, but I like free! and I knew in my heart, my own bondage needed to be resolved so that I could get ready and be wakened up.  She came on the stage, the very first words out of her mouth “God’s bride is in bondage, she is asleep and must wake up, she needs to get ready! Oh dear ones, God wants you to believe HIM.”   She now had my undivided attention! 

Over the years, I have learned to believe Him more, but there is always more to believe Him for.  Trust is an issue.  Abuse has taken a toll on many hearts, not just mine.  Knowing Him, is to believe Him.  He is believable! After studying through the Old Testament, God is trustworthy, 100% Truth, focused on his plan, and no one can defer Him.  Our actions do not change His thinking or His work.  

After we went through some things as a family, I seemed to have forgotten to just simply believe God.  I am doing this again.  My heart is reaching out to the abused, and asking “please believe Him”.  Forgiveness is not a feeling its a choice.  Choose it, even if you need to do it several times a day, God is strong enough to make it a heart thing for you, through your obedience to forgive.  It doesn’t have to be a one on one with the abuser, it just needs to be between you and God.  This will free your heart.  

Don’t you want to feel peace again? Or maybe feel peace for the first time?  Lay it all at the feet of God, He wants so much more for you than the life you live, HE wants your heart to be free.  He wants to take the bad and make it good.  He did not create you for the life you had, or chains that wrap your heart.  The church can not fix this for you, only God can fix His own creation.  

You are beautiful to Him, He rejoices that you are even thinking about Him.  Don’t wait…Go to Him now..He’s patiently waiting for you…Believe Him.